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Not able to have a relationship

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  • Not able to have a relationship

    I am wondering if there are many others out there who have just accepted a relationship is not for them? I have been anxious and depressed for over a decade for many reasons and had some very tragic events occur within the past few years. It has made me become self centered and I feel most comfortable when alone or with close friends. I posted on here before about finally finding someone who I thought was for me and she seemed like she would be perfect for me. I found out she was really in to me and we only dated very briefly for many reasons. Due to my anxiety I found giving so much of my time to someone difficult and I was constantly thinking about all the reasons why the relationship would not work before it had really even begun and didn't give it much of a chance. There were a few things she did that were bad and hurtful but eventually, I realised she did that because I pursed her, giving her the impression I was really interested, then suddenly became indecisive when we started dating. I am starting to come to the conclusion that maybe I am too damaged for a relationship, and I will face the same doubts struggles regardless of who I see. I do want to have a family in future and always wanted to have kids but just like a relationship, I like the idea but when I have to take the responsibility and commitment I have a low tolerance to crumble and want to spend time on my own or I will become very stressed.

    Has anyone come to accept that maybe single life best for them?

  • #2
    I've known a few people who've made the decision to remain single and they're perfectly content. You're right. Relationships or marriage requires a lot of responsibility and commitment. If you find it stressful, too much work and have a low tolerance, I see nothing wrong with doing your own thing in life. It's better to be alone and happy than being with someone and feeling lonely inside. That's worse IMHO.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      To be able to maintain a healthy relationship that benefits both partners, you both need some emotional balance.
      Sometimes it's better to work on yourself first. Become the kind of person you'd like to be in a relationship with. Make sure you have something to offer AND that you're capable of fully receiving that which your partner gives you.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        In your time being single, maybe spend a bit of time reflecting on how you see yourself and how you want to live your life. Being able to visualize and knowing what traits are attractive to you in a partner is also important. It's easy to let days go by without making use of them.

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        • #5
          I totally understand how you feel. I recently got out of my first relationship mostly due to my own anxiety issues. I think, especially for someone looking for a serious relationship that they hope will last, it's important to be comfortable and at peace with your life as a single individual before you can really be in a committed relationship. How can you expect to love and care for another person, and devote your life to someone if you haven't learned to love yourself, love life, and have healthy non romantic relationships? At least that's how I view it. I think it's okay to learn to be content by yourself and give yourself time to heal and work through your own mental health challenges and distress before you enter a romantic partnership. Just remind yourself of that consistently and don't think of it as a life sentence. When you're ready you'll know. By then I think the challenges that come along with relationships will be something you're ready to face.

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          • #6
            Yes, unfortunately, Its not likely my mental health challenges will improve, but I think they are bearable being single. I have spoken to a few close friends about it but they all say I will regret staying single in future. I will definitely regret some things, like not having a family so its hard to know what is best for me. Would be nice to know how people who have stayed single feel but I guess a relationship forum is not the best place to look!

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            • #7
              You should get professional counselling and get your demons out wth someone that is trained to deal with it. Then when you feel emotionally healthy, date.

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