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  • Long Distance with a twist

    First time poster here so if i've broken rules or did something wrong please tell me!

    I've been chatting with a girl for about 4 months now who's like 6-7 hours away from me. We get along great and share lots in common. We have not met in person yet but plan on doing so shortly. There has been no talk about dating or anything serious as we're just talking about our common interests but obviously i would like to get to know her in a romantic way. We were chatting recently about relationships and she casually remarked that she's in love with her best friend who unfortunately does not feel the same way towards her. She says she's stuck on him and not ready to invest feelings for someone else. Whatever happens we share tons in common so i want to stay friends but unsure how to approach. I'm thinking of keeping my feelings to myself but just wanted to know what other's opinions are.

    Thanks for listening!

  • #2
    You have too many things going against you. She's 6-7 hours away, which means that you will rarely get to see her and conduct a meaningful relationship. She has told you that she's in love with someone else and isn't ready to fall for anyone else.

    You say you want 'to stay friends.' But that isn't really what you want. You want to 'get to know her in a romantic way,' and that simply isn't going to happen. Why waste all of your energy and dating ability on someone who will never be a serious contender? Why not find someone local who actually wants to be in a relationship?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Gotta agree with that. ^^

      How did you 'meet' this girl who has feelings or another who lives 6 hours away and why are you wasting your life, feelings and good dating years on a fantasy girl that you'll likely never meet and if you do, she won't have the enthusiasm in the romantic realm for you, like you do for her.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        It's very intoxicating when you find out your crush likes you even a little bit and there's lots to talk about. I'd say enjoy the friendship if you like her company but keep your innermost feelings to yourself and save your heart for a better situation.

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        • #5
          My recommendation: Don't keep talking to her. You can't be "just friends" with someone you want a romantic dynamic with. Keeping her as a friend when you want more will just stagnate you from being with anyone else because you're not free in heart and mind to see the beauty in anyone that MAY want something romantic with you.

          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            We share a love of books and met via the Goodreads app lol. I agree it's better to concentrate locally but i felt a real connection and she did mention as much also. There has been some flirting but nothing where we actually said how we feel. The friend comes up every once in a while. She did say earlier in our conversations that she wanted to get over him but recently she seems to indicate she can't. I have to say i'm a bit shy and it's easier for me to get to know someone online.

            It is intoxicating however!

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            • #7
              She's in love with someone else and 6 - 7 hours away. It looks bleak to me. Long distance relationships are extremely inconvenient and won't work. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. On the contrary, the heart fades fast. Again, she's in love with someone else so it would never work out. I'm sorry. Don't set yourself up for pain and disappointment. Best to consider this girl a done deal.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                Well, you sound young and you have to learn somewhere. I think socializing in person with people locally will help you grow more as a person but if this is all you've got, you have no car, are underaged or still live with your parents and are still in school, your means of socializing is limited. Be careful if you're getting to know people online. Like I said if you want to dilly dally with nonsense, make sure you don't take it too seriously and girls have a way of becoming demanding if they get attached. If you find she's latching onto you and trapping you emotionally into doing or feeling a certain way cut it off. I don't feel that she is a good option for any kind of romance.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                  Well, you sound young and you have to learn somewhere. I think socializing in person with people locally will help you grow more as a person but if this is all you've got, you have no car, are underaged or still live with your parents and are still in school, your means of socializing is limited. Be careful if you're getting to know people online. Like I said if you want to dilly dally with nonsense, make sure you don't take it too seriously and girls have a way of becoming demanding if they get attached. If you find she's latching onto you and trapping you emotionally into doing or feeling a certain way cut it off. I don't feel that she is a good option for any kind of romance.
                  I can see how i come across as young but actually got out of a 15 year LTR so i've missed a lot and not really sure i want to start dating again. It just took me by surprise how it clicked but i realize it's probably a lost cause due to the distance.

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                  • #10
                    I see where you’re coming from. Realistically, there’s nothing wrong with being friends first and see where it goes. Honestly, the long distance thing may work more to your favor as u may not get as easily attached or hurt as if it were locally. That’s my opinion and if she’s being flirty w/ you and talks to you long enough who knows what could happen. In the meantime, just date other women as u were in a ltr so have a little fun. They all begin as friends so... Cheers!

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