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I joined a dating website

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  • I joined a dating website

    So I've never dated online before... my friend convinced me to join this website she found for me, she says thats where men hide these days. I put one picture up with a really brief profile (obviously no name or anything personal). All of these men start messaging me, one of them was *very* intense even though he seemed normal. Started sending me videos of himself talking to me, pictures of him in his everyday life. Even though my replies were very short and limited. Then after 1 day he sent me a text saying he had met someone else and because of this he felt it was his duty to tell me that he was closing his profile and coming off the site. I was like oh that's wonderful, I'm so happy for you, good luck and hope it goes well. Then a few minutes later he sends me a message saying that was a lie, that he's single and he's not seeing anyone he just wanted to know where he stands? So I just replied I think that is a bit cheeky - which he then said he would come to see me and my family, he wants me to know he is someone who i can trust....!!

    Is that a bit psycho? I have no idea, I don't normally look for guys online this is a whole new world.

    Then there is guy number 2 who seemed really normal so I gave him my telephone number and we've spent a long time chatting. fast forward 48 hours he wants to meet up for a date but I said I would go for a coffee in 2-3 weeks. I didn't feel like we had been speaking enough to commit to something sooner in person in case he's a weirdo.

    Now he will send me messages every 5 minutes, sometimes saying he thinks I'm really hot but that I probably won't like him. That I'll run away from him the moment we meet - where are these people coming from?

    I'm 30 and guy number 2 is 33, the first guy was 45. I tend to go for older men because they seem to be a bit mature so I didn't mind the age differences.

    I thought guy number 2 was actually nice and normal but he seems to have escalated to speaking about marriage and how he's the first person to put his hand in his pocket (as in financially), that he's bringing me chocolates & flowers. Of course I want marriage but I haven't even met this person yet? Now I'm wondering if I have made a huge mistake and should just cancel our coffee.

    Guy number 2 asked me out to dinner after coffee but I replied honestly and said I'd like to see how coffee goes first. Should I even meet this man?

  • #2
    Of course you should meet #2. Please do not put this off for 2-3 weeks. I met my fiance on a dating website and we met 4 days later. If you get a positive feeling from someone that you are comfortable spending time in person with, don't prolong meeting in person because your chemistry in person may be far different than on the phone and online! If you put off the meeting in person you're also building up expectations and assumptions that may or may not be true. This is ridiculous.

    Yes, #1 and # 3 are imbalanced. Do not meet these people. Block them.

    What is it that is intense about your profile? You are certainly nabbing the serious and pseudo-serious men so good for you. But you should be able to discern idiot from normal. It's no different from meeting people in real life.


    • #3
      I'm so glad I don't have to do online dating. Both of them sound like desperate psychos.

      Please look for online dating red flags:
      1. overcomplimenting you
      2. talking about relationships before you meet him
      3. wanting more than you're offering

      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        No, I would never go on a dating website and heaven forbid, actually meet a guy in public? It's at your own risk if you do. You don't know if the guy has criminal intent or some type of psycho creep. I never trust strangers. I met my husband in person and found out from our mutual circle what type of man he was, he was 'approved' and then I could trust him more as I got to know him better. I met him the old-fashioned way which was the safest way!
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          First rule of online dating is always - ALWAYS - trust your gut feeling.
          If you feel like something's off, then something's probably off. Don't meet anyone if you're not 100% comfortable and convinced they won't be weirdo's.
          You don't need an excuse to get out of a coffee date - or any kind of date. You're free to change your mind and cancel at any time.

          And of course, the obvious rules apply. Meet somewhere public where you wound't be embarrassed to ask for help if the guy ends up being a creep.
          Tell a friend where you will be and have them call you in the middle of the date to check if things are okay.
          Attached Files
          You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


          • #6
            Having a friend call in the middle of a date is excessive and intrusive. If you don't have the brain to suss someone out by their profile and instinctively know when they're a weirdo upon meeting them, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands (yourself).