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Why is she so independent about going to college

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  • Why is she so independent about going to college

    My girlfriend and I have been together happily for 6 months are seniors in highschool. I see a future in us for many reasons, same personality, both going to study pre-med in college, etc. While she says I'm the best guy shes met, and am perfect for her, she doesn't want to continue dating in college(even if we went to the same place) because she doesn't want to deal with it. She also says she wouldn't see a point in ever getting back together once we do break up. Neither of us believe in soulmates but I dont see a better match. I'm not saying I'd be down to put a ring on her now but I love her so much and I could see us being happily married one day. What should I do to make her realize shes going to make a mistake? I dont get how she could just say goodbye forever when she likes me so much.

  • #2
    Respect her wishes if she says she doesn't wish to continue dating in college. She's ready to go her separate way and even though it hurts, you have to accept it even though you don't like it. No one ever said life was fair. I'm sorry. She has already made up her mind. If it's so easy for her to say goodbye, she's not your future wife. Her thought process and action are the way it is for a young college woman. Consider her not the type who wants a long term relationship right now. Her priority right now is studying. Also, some college students are overwhelmed with their academics. It's hard to maintain a GF/ BF relationship. It's not impossible but it's difficult to have an enduring relationship during the rigors of academia.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      To answer your title q: bc college IS about independence. It's a whole new BOOK (senior yrs are whole new chapter...but college is its own brand new adventure).

      same personality
      hmmm...nope, sorry. It's a big world. There are only so many personalities to go around.

      While she says I'm the best guy shes met, and am perfect for her, she doesn't want to continue dating in college
      It's time to move on. The relationship is dead. You have 2 options: 1) keep resisting and create eventual resentment ...very bad. 2) leave on good terms and the relationship will become the hs romance you tell as a story.

      Neither of us believe in soulmates but I dont see a better match.
      duh. we haven't seen anything of the world...

      I'd be down to put a ring on her now but I love her so much and I could see us being happily married one day.
      it's a two way street and she doesn't want to. This one is over (for now). The WORST thing u can do is fight it. End amiably and avoid resentment. Don't be THAT guy.

      What should I do to make her realize shes going to make a mistake?
      you are/were the high school thing. End civilly and, eventually, your time together will turn into some fond memory. Maybe chill together at ur 10 yr reunion.


      I come off harsh. Sorry. You've already broken up, just haven't realized it yet. It's hard and it sucks. The most important thing, really, is to use this as an experience for emotional growth. And that is vital in any relationship and when you it's missing it _will_ weigh on _all_ your relationships. (my bf struggles with this immensely bc it never developed unfortunately... so I have first hand experience...and it is infuriating.)

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      • #4
        Why?
        Because she is a realist.
        whereas you seem more emotionally driven. So I would say very differing personalities.

        College has two aspects to it.
        Academic growth and social maturity.
        The latter won't be the same entering college while in a relationship. She wants to develop her independence.

        When do you both start college?
        Have you asked her why not split now instead of prolonging it since it's inevitable?

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        • #5
          She just wants to be free to get laid in college if you ask me. It's her choice and she can do what she wants, and you have no say in that.

          You should deal with your won emotions. Stop trying to figure her out.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Mtnbiker18 View Post
            While she says I'm the best guy shes met, and am perfect for her, she doesn't want to continue dating in college(even if we went to the same place) because she doesn't want to deal with it.
            Sometimes what she says and what she really thinks are not the same thing.
            She says you're perfect for her. Guess what? She doesn't actually think that. Otherwise, she wouldn't want to break up. She's letting you down gently, claiming she wants independance and a fresh start etc. Maybe that's partly true, but if she had the same visions of seeing herself being happily married with you, she wouldn't give that up.
            She's not as crazy about you as you are about her.
            She doesn't see the same future with you as you do with her.

            There's no changing her mind. Her mind is made up. You're not the one she wants to end up with.
            That's rough. Take some time to get past this. Maybe even let go of her now already, instead of postponing the inevitable when you go off to college.

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            • #7
              You both seem to have went into this with different expectations. Don't push it or force her or "make" her think anything. She's her own person and if you do so you're just going to look forceful/aggressive and clingy which aren't very inspiring traits in a relationship (aka they don't inspire anyone to love or be in love with you). If you don't get it now, take this one as a lesson in experience. In future if you become involved with someone make sure they're on the same page as you fairly early on.

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              • #8
                Six month relationship and she's already looking forward to going away as a single chick. If I were you, I'd break up with her now so that you will be well on your (if not already) to being over her. You'll be glad your single when you see what options are available to you and how busy you're going to be if you're planning on a getting a medical degree.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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