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  • What should I do?

    Like some blind feedback on this. Im in a relationship and Idk if I should end it.

    My bf has a type. He learned when he met another girl (before me). Shes pretty much his first heartbreak. Obv she and I look alike (our personalities not so much). Hes clearly hung up on her...they ran into each other (I was invisible at that moment...which hurt actually)

    Everything was fabulous up until that happened. I genuinely love being with him. I'm at ease and he makes me laugh. We talk about pretty much everything so I knew of her. He didnt really keep that secret from me. So when they ran into each other she was there with a couple of other girls. I swear he turned ghost white. So I tried to hold his hand and he pulled away. The girls followed my lookalike and gave him the cold shoulder and he just ignored me.

    Im offended for the obvious reasons, but also pissed because hes mad me. We have a blast together. Hes in a pretty affluent area and I like hanging out with him. But hes always cautious of going to his towns stores etc and is always worried about running into this girl (he is a few years older but Im the one with actual life experience...so Im willing to be sympathetic to the situation ). So I made him go in and everything just fell apart.

    Hes amazing when were away. The point is Im considerably life ready he isnt. Hes smart as hell but he's crap at packaging it and I bring out a lot in him - . And for the things he wants in life hes going to need the confidence he has when were alone. And I want to do that for him. Im going to college in the fall so I know this is not an Ed Shernan song. I want to enable him to get the things he wants.

    Other than this history with this girl (that others have told me about and so has he), hes legit. In the time weve known each other hes progressed. But this was a slap in the face. He completely regressed and wont talk to me now which infuriates me. Im not really the kind that wont stand up for myself. I wont play second fiddle and I am doing just that.

    Idk how many others are willing to take the chance I am on him though

  • #2
    Sounds like he's on the rebound and hasn't fully recovered from his ex and first heartbreak. He's even currently dating a clone. He also has a communication problem with you, shuts down and refuses to open up. I wouldn't play second fiddle either. You want to be compatible in your relationship. He needs time to heal and you're not his babysitter as he does it. Question whether or not you're wasting your time with him. He's rather high-maintenance IMHO. You don't want to feel nervous every single time he's paranoid about bumping into his ex within the same town during errands. That would drive me batty.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      I wouldn't. You sound very maternal and it's very good....with children. I would call this a "fixer upper" or "demolition mode". Unless you have the patience of a saint and the resources and distractions of an heiress, he needs to grow up without your training wheels.

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      • #4
        He's even currently dating a clone
        There are many girls that look like us. She doesn't own the general look. He happened to meet her before he met me.

        Originally posted by chanelle View Post
        You don't want to feel nervous every single time he's paranoid about bumping into his ex within the same town during errands. That would drive me batty.
        I'm not nervous. I don't know the girl. What I've heard about her I'm not particularly fond of her. Meeting her for like 30 sec didn't really do much to change my op. The point is I don't want HIM to be nervous. It does drive me batty as you say. The boy is fun. Up until she gets introduced into the mix. Then I don't exit. wtf

        Rose Mosse
        That's the thing. He is a fixer upper I think. I guess the best comparison to make is maybe a really nice car, engine, wheels, features are all there but the seats are missing. Idt anyones's really going to invest is putting those in even if everything else is gucci. Idk how many girls are in this position...I'm going to college in the fall so my path is pretty set for now. It's why I hung out with him in the first place. I wasn't into him really. The people at work said he was nice. I was flattered. Then I learned he can have conversations about anything. But it's also my senior year and my life won't always be this open. I also have a problem being a sub for this girl bc we happen look similar whom I don't even like.


        Should I give him an ultimatum in the meantime? Do I extend that olive branch?
        Last edited by zoinks; February 4th, 2018, 03:15 PM.

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        • #5
          If you're not into him really then you'll most likely find better catches in college or after college. Be very picky and choosy. It will pay off later in the long term happiness dept.

          An ultimatum? It depends on whether or not you're willing to have the patience to give him another chance. Are you willing to invest more time and energy? If you love him to the point of taking risks or experiencing possible prolonged drama with him, yes do it. Based on his track record, offer the olive branch IF you're willing to put forth effort, energy and time to transform him into the type of boyfriend you desire. Keep in mind, it's hard to change people. A leopard can't change its spots.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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