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Friends with Benefits Advice Needed ASAP!

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  • Friends with Benefits Advice Needed ASAP!

    Hi All. I have a FWB who I really like. I think we are exclusive, text eachother every day (till I said we shouldn't) and have been fwb for about 6 weeks. We get along great. A couple of weeks ago I broke it off with him because I wanted more. A few days later called him up and asked if we could try again (FWB), provided he leave after & we don't text as often. I didn't want to get too attached and end up broken hearted, but changed my mind because I decided I am not ready for a serious relationship anyway.

    Yesterday he came over, but my 3 year old wouldn't sleep so after he waited for an hour, we decided to call it off & get together another night. I thought my kid was sick but she's not. So I want to ask him over tonight.

    Now I have always done the asking and he already drove quite aways to get here and back last night let alone the hour wait... But I really want to see him. I think about him alot and don't know if this can ever be more... in the meantime, should I ask him to come over again tonight or wait for him to ask? I don't drive so I have him here which is why I do the asking... But I don't want to seem desperate either.

  • #2
    You have a three year old child and you don't drive? Do you live in a city with good public transportation? Do you work?

    I'm trying to understand the dynamics here. Where did you meet him?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      If you don't want to seem desperate than don't call / text often. Good spacing is good because no one wants to become sick of each other from too much togetherness not to mention it sounds like it's a hassle for him to drive a long distance each time to see you.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


      • #4
        To answer your questions;
        Yes, pretty good, I am a stay-at-home Mom.
        Online dating.
        And I caved and text to see him tonight. I'm not suprised he hasn't got back to me an hour and a half later.
        In response to other comment, he just moved further away. His kids live closer to me.
        I plan to lay low for awhile now.


        • #5
          I'm not surprised that he hadn't replied to you. You don't want to be perceived as clingy and insecure. That's enough to chase anyone away. Good idea to lie low and back off.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


          • #6
            My thoughts exactly, Chanelle. Well... he replied, came over and we spent more time talking than doing it. So yay! But I will be waiting for him to make the next move.


            • #7
              If you are starting to have feelings for him, what makes you think continuing your fuck buddy relationship is not going to feed those feelings more?

              if you want to quit smoking you have to stop lighting up. The same applies here. You are not going to stop these feelings. You met online why cant you find someone closer to you even if its just a FWB relationship you want? Any male profile online will probably jump at that chance.
              There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.


              • #8
                You're a single, stay at home mother who is having stranger men come over and service her at her house.

                What is wrong with this picture?

                Op: Why do you think you're not ready for anything serious, why do you think that you can continue to use one another for an orgasm even though you connect sexual bonding to emotional feelings?
                Why not wait until you ARE ready for something serious and then date with a goal in mind of only meeting men that also want something serious?

                If you're going to continue to fuck casually, then I'm with Foh and I wonder why you don't look online for someone closer to you so that you can get a sitter and meet up at his place and then leave. That way you're not introducing stranger men to your three year old. She will start to wonder why these men (or even that one) are there in the morning when she wakes up.
                we could try again (FWB), provided he leave after
                I assume "provided he leave after means he was spending the night."
                Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 4th, 2018, 02:41 PM.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


                • #9
                  FWB (Friends with Benefits) is, IMO, defined as a friendly sexual relationship with no obligations, responsibilities, or expectations attached. It is for people who just want a friendly sexual relationship with no obligations or expectations for more.

                  Clearly, you want something more. Therefore, you are twisting yourself into knots trying to not seem "desperate" and trying to interpret the meaning of his slow text response.

                  He doesn't want more so, therefore, is sticking to the rules of a FWB relationship. He doesn't feel obligated to respond to your invitation ASAP. He could be making plans to hook up with someone else, making you plan B.

                  You're behaving like a desperate fool. Imagine telling your child, "...Honey, I am sleeping with this man who doesn't want a relationship with me (or you) and agreed to his terms (FWB) because I am hoping he'll change his mind and make it a real relationship...."

                  If you want a relationship, then stop sleeping with men who don't.

                  Good luck