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  • Can't do anything.

    Hello. I'm 19. So there is this girl from my class that I've been having a crush on for the last months. She showed some interest through body language but never tried to start a conversation with me(I guess she wants me to do that haha). The problem is that I am very shy with girls and I don't know how to do it. My crush on her is so bad that I think about her everyday and I just can't do anything, I can't focus on my work or on my studying. She has been very nice to me since we started college a few months ago. But me, being terribly shy and not confident, I didn't know how to approach her or talk to her and I ended up not saying anything, and not talking to her almost at all, which ended up with her thinking that I'm just an . The reason for my insecurity is the fact that I'm not a very sociable person or outgoing and at this age it's all about having sex and there is another problem: I have terrible acne scars on my chest and back that look horrible. When I'm saying that she showed interest, I mean that she was smiling to me a lot, being very nice, adjusting her clothes in front of me, pulling her pants when I was behind her and she knew that I was looking, playing with her hair when she was around me etc. The other problem is that I was a virgin until a few hours ago. I've been to a hooker thinking that finally getting the job done will fix things a bit with my confidence but it wasn't like that. I struggled to maintain the erection and I couldn't orgasm, which made things worse. My first impression of this crush when I saw her was that she's a 10. So I did put her on a pedestal in my mind and when she showed interest, I just froze and didn't know what to do. Yesterday we had an exam and when I walked in class she saw me and just gave me a look like she was disgusted to see me, but I get that, she showed interest and just was nice to me but I was scared and insecure and came out as an . I don't know what to do. If I tell her the truth I don't think that she's gonna believe me, probably she's gonna slap me. I just can't stop thinking about her, she is not the most beautiful girl that I've seen but she is the one that I feel the most attracted to. Should I let it go and just let this attraction go away or try to talk to her ? Because right now I think that neither ways will make us be together. If I tell the truth she's gonna think that I'm a coward and will probably hate me more, I know that girls hate cowards. But I feel like if I let things like this, maybe this feeling will go away and at least I'm gonna keep my dignity.

  • #2
    I fail to see how she was very nice to you when you have never even had a conversation with her. ??? How was she nice to you?

    You are overthinking things to the extreme!!!

    So what you have acne? Most teenagers do, are you getting treatment for it?
    And why are you imagining taking your clothes off and having sex with this girl when you won't even talk to her?
    If she is as wonderful as you make out her to be, you would not be thinking of having sex with her so soon until you get to know each other, at which point she wouldn't care about acne if she truly cared about you. Have some respect for her too.

    So, go talk to her. About the class, the weather anything but don't tell her how you apparently "feel" . That's insulting to claim you have feelings for her when you don't even know her. That would freak me out. Just slowly get to know her.

    And if you don't approach her she is not going to think you are a coward and hate you. She won't even notice. Indifference. Or assume not interested. But nothing negative.

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    • #3
      I think you need to start distinguishing the fantasy that you've built up in your head from reality.
      You say she's nice, but you've never had a conversation with her. How do you know if she's nice?
      You say she shows interest... All I hear is a friendly person who smiles at classmates and feels comfortable enough in her skin to adjust her clothes in public.
      You say she wants you to make the first move... Dude, you have no idea if she even knows who you are.

      You have created this whole fantasy relationship with her in your mind. The thing not to forget is, she probably hasn't thought much about you at all.
      The process of getting to know each other, starts with baby steps. A simple conversation usually does the trick. People don't just jump in and confess their love to total strangers (because that's what you are to her). Like Maggie said, that would freak any girl out.
      So just talk to her, and start from the beginning. You don't actually know her, and she doesn't know you. Get to know the real her.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Can you smile? Do it for her and see what happens.

        It's normal to have sex on the brain at age 19. Just keep it there inside your brain for the time being.

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        • #5
          There seems to be a giant white elephant in the room...how did you get the money to pay for a hooker? Do you work? And do you think your past sexual experiences would not come up in a serious (aka thoughtful) relationship even if this chick isn't "the one"? It's not that you can't do anything. You may just have done enough. Think more and act less. You've called your crush a 10 but you don't know anything about her and she's been rated on a number scale. This might not seem off or derogatory to you right now but it should eventually. Try reflecting a bit on yourself and ask yourself if you're the type of man you'd be attracted to if you were a woman.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            There seems to be a giant white elephant in the room...how did you get the money to pay for a hooker? Do you work? And do you think your past sexual experiences would not come up in a serious (aka thoughtful) relationship even if this chick isn't "the one"? It's not that you can't do anything. You may just have done enough. Think more and act less. You've called your crush a 10 but you don't know anything about her and she's been rated on a number scale. This might not seem off or derogatory to you right now but it should eventually. Try reflecting a bit on yourself and ask yourself if you're the type of man you'd be attracted to if you were a woman.
            What do you mean?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by fspro10 View Post

              What do you mean?
              Pretty sure she means you are being very superficial?!
              You are already worrying about the sex aspect without even getting to know her first. And judging her a ten based on what??

              At 19 you were a bit premature on going to a hooker to experience sex. It's always a topic that crops up so in the future with her or your first gf are you going to lie or tell the truth?

              Also I think what rose meant was rather than focus on who you are attracted to and why , try being a person that others will be attracted to. And if that means putting in effort to go talk and get to know a girl despite some social awkwardness then so be it.
              In an attempt to get to know her over just getting her into bed and worrying about acne and sexual performance.

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              • #8
                Thereís a lot to cover here, but bottomline is youíre having performance anxiety. In other words, itís all in your head. Maybe try introducing meditation in your life and/or challenge your negative thinking. Deep breathing is great for anxiety as well. It may not be a bad idea to speak to a therapist about your insecurities and help you cope better. Just a suggestion.

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                • #9
                  Thanks, Maggie.
                  Just be free and be yourself, fspro.

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                  • #10
                    I think she did like you, but I bet you've been behaving strangely around her. She's probably finding you weird by now because of your behavior. Still, try to be friends with her before telling her you like her. She might panic if you tell her right away that you like her, even if she did like you. Talk about the weather, class, and things she would like to talk about. It can take a long time for you two to end up together. In the meantime, get treatment for your acne scars. The best acne scar treatment I've found is All Purpose Hydroquinone Cream. Also, try to meditate so you develop the mental strength to keep yourself from behaving strangely around girls.

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