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Ex and I want to make things work but seeing each other is hard.

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  • Ex and I want to make things work but seeing each other is hard.

    Hey, all

    So my ex and I had broken up a few months back. The breakup wasn't bad in the slightest, we both just accepted that we couldn't keep the relationship going with everything going on in our lives and had started to argue over silly little things such as not being able to see each other as much as we used to as we were both dealing with a shed-load of family and work related issues. We ended things on fairly good terms, mild bit of arguing and crying but both apologized over text the next day. Since then we texted each other every other day when we could, basically just as friends, naturally it died down. There was one instance where she was in a fairly bad mood (family member in hospital) and she took it out on me but apologized immediately after. We had talked a little about the relationship and I respected that she said she didn't know if we would ever get back together.

    Well it'd been a few months and she's confided in me about a lot of the things she's been dealing with the past few months and that things are starting to look up for her and that she'd like to see me (first time since the breakup). I met her after work, thinking it would be nice to catch up as friends. 10 seconds into seeing each other, we were both acting like school kids. We went for food and drinks and literally, it was like nothing had changed. I played it cool but she was blushing throughout and she kept talking about all the good times etc. and admitted that she hasn't been seeing anyone since and she still loves me. We flirted for the next few hours and she said she should be free this weekend and would like to see me if I'm free.

    Now here's the tricky part. Though she's admitted that she wants to be with me, we've both agreed to take things slow and see how things go if they do anywhere. The only problem now is that we're still not able to see each other as much. This weekend for instance: while no plans were set in stone, when it came to Friday Evening, she had to work over at work and was too tired to see me after as she had work again at 6 in the morning but will hopefully be free Saturday. And again, she's had to work over. I know she can't help it but naturally it's frustrating (for both of us) when you want to spend time with someone but can't. She's explained how hard it is to get any free time and she isn't avoiding me or anything and wants to make it work.
    Last edited by DaffyBugs; January 13th, 2018, 06:47 PM.

  • #2
    Daffy... nothing has changed since you broke up. What makes you think that you'll be able to sustain anything serious with her now?

    Why can't you see one another during the week for an hour or two?
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      Hey phasesofthemon, cheers for the reply

      I'll be honest with you, I'm confused/conflicted about all of this.

      Prior to the breakup, there was never really anything in our way of seeing each other. We live in the same city but on complete opposite sides so we'd pretty much both finish work, meet in the middle and go from there without problems, heck most of the time she would go out of her way to make sure she saw me. It was only the last two months of the relationship that things went pear shaped and I guess their was a lot of misunderstandings. I won't go into too much detail, it was basically a case of "life getting in the way" and neither of us handled it as well as we could. I don't think either of us intended for the relationship to end altogether, but we just knew that with how stressed we both were that we could end up ruining it if we carried on. But obviously the feelings never went away.

      Since then, my entire situation has improved and so has hers to an extent so things have changed. And with everything she said when we met up the other day, being together isn't really something either one of us wants to throw away. Again, we don't know if it will work, just that we want to try.

      About meeting up during the week. That is the plan and again, the real hassle is her working hours. She's not a malicious person or anything so I know she's not bullshitting me. Plus a few of her mates have said how impossible it is to see her since her new job. She's working as a manager at a bar/cafe atm in the middle of the city so she's normally working until the early hours over the weekend. Outside of that, she only finds out her hours the day before and even then she may have to work over (a few hours) so as she said, she's scared to make plans to meet in case she has to cancel which she doesn't want to do.

      For the time being, I've just told her that we'll see each other when we do and not to worry. I'm working 9-5 atm so it's all up in the air.


      • #4
        Sorry if I waffled on a tad there, just giving some context


        • #5
          Time is just time. Work is just work. If you make it out to be a big problem, it's going to be big. How old are the both of you? You're old enough to work and she's a manager of a cafe so you can't be younger than 20 or 22 or 23. Your hormones are raging to the high heavens and you're both probably thinking that you absolutely need to see each other or it's the end of the world. Slow your roll and relax a bit. You both have a vice like grip on this relationship and you're strangling it to death. There are many expectations that you both have and you both don't have the maturity or stability in your life/jobs to achieve it. Remember that part of life and living life fully isn't about cutting those you care about off. It's about learning to juggle impossible situations together, and making the impossible possible with whatever you have.

          I think you both need to calm down your expectations of each other and recognize that you either appreciate each other for who you are, what you have, what time you have together and your feelings for each other instead of fighting an uphill battle expecting too much out of each other.


          • #6
            Hey, Rose Mosse First of all, cheers for the replies, guys. Never used one of these sites before so wasn't sure what to expect.

            First of all, I'm 25 and she's 24. You are right, it's only a problem if I/we make it a problem. I think I may have gave the impression that this is a whole be all/end all situation and we're both running for the finish line, it's not like that at all. Like I said, we haven't really seen each other for a few months and seeing her the other day just really made me realize that I miss her and I guess I'm just a little excited about the prospect that it's not over, if that makes sense.

            Like I said, it's not like we jumped on each other the moment we saw each other or anything. Was just a really nice and honest conversation that we could admit that we both still have feelings and not realy play games or anything etc. I'll be honest, the main reason I wound up on this site was because: with this being early days and with us both agreeing to take things slow, meet up for drinks/food when we can. I'm just a tad worried that if things move too slow then it may hinder the chances of us reconciling. I don't know, it's a passing thought tbh. But of course, I understand exactly where you're coming from. Like I wrote back up there, we are both working actual jobs so of course I know it's not gonna be so easy and will actually be a lot harder if we both DO decide that a relationship is something we both want to maintain.

            Seriously though, your advice is appreciated. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end one way or another, for the time being, I'mma just gonna keep on doing me