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I'm a 34 year old guy and I fancy my 53 year old hairdresser. Is she into me or not?

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  • I'm a 34 year old guy and I fancy my 53 year old hairdresser. Is she into me or not?

    Ok this needs summarising and I need to remember the ins an out of things. Essentially I really like my hairdresser. Clearly there is an age gap- but trust me on that one, she looks massively young for her age and looks amazing!

    Hairdressers are naturally chatty and generally very friendly, I get that- it's part of their job. But back in October 2017, I was chatting away and somehow she told me she preferred younger men. She might have been being friendly (at the time so i thought) but that did to me indicate she was quite clearly flirting. I left it at that and thought things through.

    I then took the safe option and texted her a few days later. Told her I didn't care about her age and that she would go out sometimes. She didn't answer for a a good few days ( which felt like months!) so I called her. She was flattered quite clearly and said that yes, we should go out sometime but that she was very busy for a long while.

    Now to me those were alarm bells ringing but she is an hairdresser and in the run up period to Christmas she was going to be busy to be fair. So I left it at that and carried on with life. I sent her the odd text message every week or so to which she mostly replied to, but nothing overly heavy- flirty would still be the word I guess...

    Anyhow fast forward to my appointment before Christmas. 19 December. I bought her a nice gift, gave her a card, and took some mistletoe with me. That's an evening I won't forget. It was perfect. I gave her the card and present and she was so emotional. To look at her you'd never know but she's a big believer in God. I'm not really religious by the way. She started welling up and saying she believe god sent her my way. It was so nice.
    I then showed her that mistletoe and we kissed. A quick smooch but we did. She blushed. It was so nice that I went for a second smooch. Again, it was perfect.
    She then said she needed to do some Christmas shopping before Christmas so we could do that together and grab a coffee. I just thought 'great' this is it- she does like me.

    From then on this is what I don't get- and I'm very disappointed about. I sent her a quick text a couple of days after 'the kiss' and just simply said how nice the evening was and that I was truly happy we'd met. Nothing more or heavy. She answered 2 days later:

    Iím sorry Iíve been ever so busy. Iím exhausted.. noticed Iíd not sent you a message. I was truly taken aback. I think the main thing was that you actually thought about me. The gift is beautiful. I love it . Although, You really shouldnít have .
    Thank you x

    Well I could be looking into things here but 'I noticed I'd not sent you a message' isn't the best thing to write in a text. Doesn't make you feel hugely special but I decided to not worry about it too much. I sent her another text the next day- hinting at the fact she'd mentioned we could go shopping together:

    Of course I thought about you- you're very unique! And don't apologise for being super busy-I knew you'd be.
    Listen, I know we're officially 'friends' and I do really like spending time and talking with you, but I'm having feelings that run deeper for you and I need to know if I'm on my own with those feelings or if there's a chance you might feel the same way?
    I'd like to see you before my next appointment- have you got an afternoon or day spare in the coming week? xx

    5 days passed and I got no reply. Not to proud to admit that it made Christmas a little more difficult- I just kept wondering what I'd possibly done wrong. Did I have tunnel vision and ignored signs? But surely not we kissed and what she said was so perfect? She's always busy and emphasises this a lot- surely anyone has a few seconds to reply to a text or leave voicemail?

    The last thing I am as a person is needy- and I certainly have given her lots of space. Maybe too much? I decided to ring her a couple of days after Christmas- we spoke for about 40 minutes. Talked about Christmas etc... I then decided to grow a pair and ask her nicely if she liked me. I went as far as asking if busy was possibly a way of letting me know she wasn't interested- saying we all do this if we're not interested in someone but don't want to hurt their feelings.

    She categorically said that she was busy and it definitely wasn't an excuse- she likes me and that we should go out sometime. "let's keep in touch before your next appointment and we'll try and arrange something". My next appointment is on the 16th January by the way. She ended the conversation by saying she'd really appreciated me calling and that it was lovely that we spoke. I thought 'great' but I knew not to get my hopes hope somehow- even though everything was really positive again.

    I sent her one text on the day before New Year's eve:

    Good evening Mademoiselle. Hoping my text finds you in a calm and serene mood! You smiled when you saw my name pop up on your phone just now! I just know you did What are you up to tomorrow? My mate is going to teach me how to play Snooker- yes most people think it's crazy I've never played! I like something where you can move more but he kinda forced me into it! Tell me- are you free next Sunday for a few hours? xx

    Not heard anything since. All these text are read within half an hour of her receiving them. Apple says so ;
    I'm lost, a bit gutted. I very much feel like the ball is in her court now but I cannot for the life of me understand what she is playing at? Any pointers here on what I should do, or should be thinking?

  • #2
    Maybe she realizes that the age gap is a big deal to her. I think she loves the attention you've given & despite (or because) of a mutual attraction she thinks it would be futile to be involved with a much younger man.
    She sounds like a lovely woman who doesn't want a frivolous, casual relationship & she must be scared of taking a gamble & risk being hurt. Then again maybe she already has a husband or partner!
    Last edited by Monmouth; January 5th, 2018, 04:28 AM.


    • #3
      She hasn't got a partner or husband! My hair gets cut at her place (she works from home) and I'd know!


      • #4
        Originally posted by Leedsfrenchie View Post
        She hasn't got a partner or husband! My hair gets cut at her place (she works from home) and I'd know!
        Well good luck then but be gentle & be careful not to hurt her feelings!


        • #5

          The last thing I am as a person is needy

          Pardon me for disagreeing here. You bombarded her with texts and didn't take the hint when she waited days to respond. You gave her gifts and made corny statements to her (about smiling when she read your text). If she were truly interested, she would have responded immediately. She probably got tired of your overtures.

          Maybe she doesn't want to lose you as a customer. I would definitely back down and not contact her again. She knows your number. She knows you want to meet. If you continue to harass her with texts, you may have to find a new haircutter.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


          • #6
            I know we're officially 'friends' and I do really like spending time and talking with you, but I'm having feelings that run deeper for you and I need to know if I'm on my own with those feelings or if there's a chance you might feel the same way?
            That message would have had my hair standing on end and not in a good way.

            Why would you say something like that when you've never even been on a date with this woman? In fact, all you have ever done is say we should go on a date and you've never actually asked her out on a Friday night (or whenever). You are always the initiator, she never contacts you first, you buy her gifts when she bought you nothing. You confess feelings that shouldn't see the light of day until you at least have an inkling that she likes you for more then the steady business you bring her.

            Stop fawning over her. You are probably making her feel very uncomfortable at this point and she's trying to keep it from getting awkward because you know where she lives and you contribute to her income.

            Tell her: Would you have dinner with me this Friday and if she says no and doesn't suggest another night then don't text her again. Contact her only when you need another cut.

            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!