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Am I making a mistake by trying to make this work?

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  • Am I making a mistake by trying to make this work?

    I have been dating this girl for 9 months now and I am having doubts because of everything that has happened in our relationship. I love her so much and care about her beyond belief but I dont know what to do. Here is the jist of our relationship:

    Everything was great for the first 5 months of our relationship. We rarely argued and everything was great. One weekend I left for business and got drunk with some of my old buddies. I texted a girl I used to have a thing with asking to hook up at 2am. We never connected and I felt so stupid the next morning. A few weeks later I let my girlfriend use my computer for an assignment and I fell asleep early. She went ahead and looked through all of my messages. She found the conversation between me and this girl and also saw conversations of me and my ex years ago and girls I had talked to before we had met. I went through a bad period of my life where I man-whored a bit when my ex dumped me. All of those conversations were there. She called me out asking if I had ever cheated on her which I havent physically and I said no. She became violent and showed me all the messages she found.

    Ever since we have been very on and off, and our relationship has had a lot of rough patches. She has become physically abusive with me (I have never ever laid a hand on her and never would), she constantly yells at me, kicks me out of her apartment and brings up my past actions. I told her if we were ever going to move on that we cant have her bring up the past as Im trying to make a mends of it.

    For the past few months she has physically abused me, she has made me delete my social media because she says she cant trust any females in my life. She is constantly jealous and questioning me every time I pull out my phone.

    This has gone on for a few months, it has gotten better (she has only hit me once in the last month and a half) but she still brings up the past and makes jabs at me. Its driving me insane.

    To make matter worse she became pregnant a few weeks ago and just recently had a miscarriage. I feel awful having all these doubts now with everything she is going through. When she got pregnant she called me and broke up with me, claiming she was afraid. She instantly regretted it and called me back. By that time, devastated, I broke down and told my parents everything bad that she had done to me. Like any parents they absolutely despise her. Im at a point now where I dont know what to do. I love her and care about her beyond belief and would love to make things work. I constantly have to hear the disapproval of my parents for obvious reasons and my friends have even noticed at times. Am I making a mistake by holding onto something that isnt healthy for me? My head hurts so bad all the time and im depressed but when Im with her everything goes back to normal.

    Based on what you have read would you ever stay with a girl like this? And if so is it even possible to convince my parents that she is a good girl? Because I believe in my heart that she is.

  • #2
    How old are you?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      23, She is 22

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      • #4
        What would you advise your best friend to do if he came to you with this story?
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          I would be worried for him regarding the abusive bit and his sadness but only he knows what he wants. And thats the problem I am having. I know I want to be with her but so much has happened that Im having doubts

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          • #6
            Why do you allow her to hit you?
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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            • #7
              I feel like Im responsible for it. I caused her a lot of hurt. And I cant defend myself without laying a hand on her. She knows what she did to me is wrong

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              • #8
                The kicker is one word in your write up. You said that you haven't cheated on her...."physically". What the heck does that mean? Have you chatted or sexted or sent naked photos to other women besides the 2am hook up or flirted with them while you were with your current girlfriend? Even if it was a one time thing where you initiated a hook up, you still come across as untrustworthy. I think you should save the entire population of women on this globe and take a hiatus from dating altogether. You don't sound convincing to me and I'm a distant presence across the magnificent interweb. I cannot imagine the amount of bs I'd smell if you were in person. Take this in the most fond way possible because I'm not out to get you or make you feel worse. I don't even know you in the usual sense of the word but I definitely wouldn't trust you. She certainly doesn't trust you but it seems she feels emotionally tied to you but hates you for it. She may have been good but you sure as hell pinched whatever goodness you once thought there was. I hope you get help and stop manipulating people. I think that you really don't love yourself at all and are having issues with self-worth and validation especially regarding the people closest to you like your family. You don't feel respected as a person and you have a history of past pain. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find some peace on your own and figure out, do some soul searching.

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                • #9
                  ^^^^Oh dear God, wtf ??^^^^^^^

                  Mignolet, I think you should consider the miscarriage as yet another sign of how horribly toxic this relationship is.


                  Your parents are right to worry about you, and to hold the feelings they do for her. They are on the outside looking in, so they can see through all the bullshit, as opposed to you, who is buried in it.

                  I don’t want to make any assumptions here, but I think it’s safe to say that she is probably your first ‘REAL’ girlfriend, which would mean that you don’t have anything to compare it to. Trust me when I say, “you are sentenced to a life of abuse and mental anguish if you stay with this girl” – she has no right, in any way, shape or form, to lay her hands on you.......ever.


                  In answer to your question.....YES....a THOUSAND TIMES YES......you are making a mistake trying to make this work.
                  The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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                  • #10
                    Something else you want to comment on more constructively, Pistol?

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                    • #11
                      Rose Mosse - Your comments, in all forums here at TRF, are childish at best, and most of your posts read like they're coming from an insane, inebriated or drug cocked state.

                      You're CONSTANTLY looking for someone to battle with, and it's completely out of line to start your bullshit on the thread of someone looking for help.

                      The results are in: you're an idiot and your ludicrous, vulgar and uneducated responses in this forum are unwanted.

                      You want to start shit with strangers on the internet, do it somewhere else !
                      The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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                      • #12
                        Your post has been flagged, Pistol. The only negative feedback or rather toxic and rude comments I receive are from a regular clique that likes to bully. Even new members are noticing.

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