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Does she love him more than me?

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  • Does she love him more than me?

    My girlfriend had a guy friend that committed suicide almost 2 months ago, and she will not stop obsessing over him. She acts like they were best friends but she never mentioned in the 6 months that we had already been dating. She posts about him all the time and has since stopped posting anything about me. She does all this stuff for him and his family and does nothing but take all of her anger out on me. She has even gone so far as to wanting to get him tattooed on herself when she turns 18 in February. She always talks about how he was the greatest person that she has ever met and how he was the most caring and loving person that she has ever known. I have tried to be there for her but it is hard to deal with ther clear love for him. She wears his memorial shirt and sweatshirt every day. I just feel like I will always be in second place behind him. Any thoughts on what I should do or say?

  • #2
    It's strange that someone allegedly so important to her was never brought up in conversation with you. GIve her some time. She may be confronting her own mortality. I think eventually she'll be less concerned with it.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Someone her own age has passed away and she is grieving. Try not to be so self-absorbed that she's not hanging on you when she's upset. If you can't do that then dump her and be done with your angst.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Death is a different animal and can't be dealt with with the same applications as other issues in a relationship. She's likely also traumatized because there's no negative emotion directed to a third party - death was instigated by the victim. The best way is to sit with her and let her talk. Don't talk about yourself or your jealousy. She needs an outlet. The posting (on social media, I assume) was her outlet and she's struggling to release that pain. She needs to talk to someone. You can be that person but you have to be willing to put aside your desires second. This doesn't mean you should be her punching bag and you can tell her that hurting you will not make the pain go away. She may not talk on cue but if she begins to talk let her talk and give her your undivided attention. The focus is on the trauma and release of hope and life (end of life). She is not herself because she is not free. She is still tied to the trauma.


        • #5
          having lost a few close friends to drug overdose i can understand how she is suffering from this loss. it will pass in time but you need to give her space to recover. i sure she is suffering from some self blaming thinking if didn't dump him would he still be alive now? since he has passed on he is no threat to you anymore.