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I had a kid with an ex-lover. How do I tell my girlfriend?

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  • I had a kid with an ex-lover. How do I tell my girlfriend?

    My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months now. We started out as friends and eventually got together. She’s a really great girl; smart, understanding, nice, appealing, and more positive attributes.


    The problem right now is that she doesn’t know about my three-year-old child that I had with an ex. It’s not like I was trying to hide it from her. I just didn’t get the chance to open up to her about my boy. I also don’t have much opportunity to introduce him to video chat since he lives and stays with his mom most days.


    I started hinting at her about children. Maybe she thought I wanted kids or maybe she took it as a sign that I have a kid. My ex-girlfriend’s okay with me seeing someone since she’s already with someone else herself.


    She told me I should introduce our kid to my girlfriend as soon as possible. I think she’s right. What if my girlfriend doesn’t like the idea of me having a child with someone else? At least I would know ahead, right?


    How do I tell my girlfriend that I already have a son? I want to reassure her that my obligations with my child won’t be a problem for us. I want to give her the assurance that despite the constant communication between me and my ex-girlfriend, nothing will happen. I need help from anyone. Any advice will do.
    Last edited by SarahLancaster; December 28th, 2017, 09:00 AM. Reason: link to ad removed.

  • #2
    You definitely need to tell her. This is a tough situation, I'm not gonna lie, but what you need to do is find a time to sit her down and just tell her. Say, "honey, I love you. Because I love you, I have to be honest with you,. there's something I need to get off my chest." then you tell her. you apologize for not telling her sooner, you ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel more comfortable, and then you give her time to think about it. remember, time heals all wounds. in this case, you have to put the wellbeing of the child over anything else. make sure to message me if you have any questions. XO-Elle

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    • #3
      Why wouldn't you have told her from the beginning that you're a father? Why keep something that important from anyone you have shown interest in? Just tell her and for goodness sakes, do not introduce your son to ANYONE that you're not fully committed to and with whom you've been together past the honeymoon stage. six months is too soon for her to be introduced to him as you're new girlfriend. If you don't make it past the first year with her then you're bringing women in and out of his life and you've already done that once with his mother.

      "I have a son from a previous relationship. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I feel you should know what you're getting yourself into with me." Then be still and let her do the first to talk next. You can discuss from there.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        WARNING: If you don't want a big smack upside the head, then stop reading now.

        Originally posted by jovan28 View Post
        ... My ex-girlfriend’s okay with me seeing someone since she’s already with someone else herself.

        She told me I should introduce our kid to my girlfriend as soon as possible. ......
        What a stupid idea. Your child deserves stability and predictability--neither of which his mother or father have provided. Your son doesn't need to be involved in his parents' love lives UNTIL there is genuine commitment there. He doesn't need to meet your girlfriend (or his mother's boyfriend). How would that possibly serve HI? It doesn't. It serves YOU.

        Originally posted by jovan28 View Post
        ... I think she’s right. ......
        She's NOT.


        Originally posted by jovan28 View Post
        ... What if my girlfriend doesn’t like the idea of me having a child with someone else? At least I would know ahead, right?......
        Your girlfriend doesn't need to meet your son to tell you she doesn't like the idea of you having a child with someone else. You just need to tell her that you have a son.


        Originally posted by jovan28 View Post
        ... I want to reassure her that my obligations with my child won’t be a problem for us......
        If you said this to any woman worth her salt who cared about the welfare of children, she'd dump you in a heartbeat. Seriously, "..My obligations to my child won't be a problem for my relationship with you..."

        Are you saying that you wouldn't cancel a date with your girlfriend because your ex called and said your son was ill, had an accident, needed to be picked up from school, etc. etc. etc? Because if that's what you mean to imply, your girlfriend should be disgusted with you.

        The fact that you kept the existence of your child hidden from your girlfriend indicates that you were more interested in yourself than your child or your girlfriend. What you did is called "bait and switch". You let your girlfriend believe that you were a single unencumbered man free to do whatever you wanted, live wherever you wanted, travel whenever you wanted. You let her develop an attachment to you for SIX MONTHS before she had full information. And now that she IS attached to you, you're going to change the deal on her.

        What you owe her before anything is a HUGE apology.

        Please get your head out of your a** and start behaving like a man. Own your responsibilities and start being honest with the people you date and put the welfare of your son ahead of all else. You'll then earn the respect of decent people and even start to respect yourself.

        Good luck

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        • #5
          Completely agree with pollon.

          Dont try fool anyone that you didn't Try to hide the fact you had a child from your gf.
          Something that significant is hard to hide.
          Where do you tell your gf where you are when you are with your son?
          What do you mean you haven't had a chance to bring it up? You have had 6 months of chances.

          Of course your obligations to him WILL have an impact on every relationship you have in the future.

          Something isn't quite adding up for me here?
          Is your son living locally to you?
          Is your relationship an online long distance one?

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          • #6
            From what I understand, those posts that look like they have been cut and pasted are spam.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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            • #7
              Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
              From what I understand, those posts that look like they have been cut and pasted are spam.
              I don't disagree with you, I'm just wondering to what purpose would this one serve.

              Comment


              • #8
                I don't disagree with you, I'm just wondering to what purpose would this one serve.

                Pollon, some basement dwellers get a kick out of making up fictitious stories and having people answer them or writing titillating lesbian stories just to get reactions. Sad, really.
                "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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