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Why is he acting this way?

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  • Why is he acting this way?

    My boyfriend was fired from his job a few weeks ago (3 weeks to be exact). He has been ignoring me since then. Before he was fired he used to come over to my house and spent nights and days.. but now he told me that he just want to be by himself to let everything about his job sink in and then we can be together again.

    Because I love him so much I respected his ideas although it hurts me not to see him on a single day. I gave him 1 week to be by himself however I still message him or call him. He hardly responds.. sometimes he replies to my message about 3 to 5 hrs later. I didn't mind because I know he has a lot on his mind.
    FYI we both work in the same organization and I am kind of superior than him in our workplace.

    Just recently he called me and asked for my favour to follow up on his remaining pays which he has not received since he got fired. I did everything I can and managed to release his remaining salaries. I was so happy because we have been talking alot that day but ofcourse it's just all about his salary. He asked me to meet so I can give him his cash.. so I went and met him. When I first saw him.. I fell in love again and I really missed him so I asked him for a kiss.. He said he can't because his friends are waiting for him right there and he pointed them to me. I asked him if I can just touch his arm or anything but he was acting so uncomfortable he just shook hands with me then left. I was so sad and down but I tried to ignore it and understand that he is still stressing out from losing his job. After 10 minutes I drove off.. I received his text messages which read: "I am sorry I couldn't kiss you in front of my friends.. I love you so much and that what matters most"

    I didn't reply because I felt relieved.

    The next day I woke up and texted him.. good morning my love... He phone was off but then replied about 2 hours later with the same message. I called him knowing that his phone was on but he didn't answer my calls. That's when I got so furious that I texted him to explain why can't he even answer my calls?... He replied saying that he's busy this weekend. I was so angry because I feel that he's seeing another woman.. so I just replied again and told him that that would be my last contact to him.. then blocked and removed him from my contacts.

    Can you please help me to understand what really is going on in my relationship with this man? What should I do to have him back please? We used to be so happy together but now it's so sad... everything just went upside down.

    please tell me what to do..

  • #2
    It's a big blow for anybody to lose their job. Your boyfriend must be devastated & maybe still in shock over it.
    I don't see how you being in the same company would affect him but I'm sure his pride must be hurt by his dismissal.
    If you really think he's seeing another woman then cutting him off is the right thing to do but you have to be sure.
    Why don't you arrange to go for a meal with him & have a good chat. It can't do any harm & will clear the air hopefully!


    • #3
      He doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend. And why would you want him back?

      You love him 'so much;' however, I don't think he returns the sentiment. If he can't kiss you in front of his friends, that's a huge red flag. Actions speaker louder than words.

      Why was he fired?
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        You are wasting your time on this loser. I can't believe he has any feelings for you. he is using you and offering a little candy. i would not tolerate a boyfriend that was afraid to show affection for me in front of his friends or ignore my calls or text messages.

        ​​​​you are wasting your life with this guy. move on to a caring faithful lover as soon as possible.


        • #5
          He shook your hand in front of his friends???? Are you sure he's not married or otherwise committed to someone else. Just how long did you guys date and have you ever met his family or friends, been to his home?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            thanks for all your comments.. really help me to rethink about our situation. FYI we had a talk about 2 days ago.. there i asked him to explain the reason of his attitude towards me these days which totally different from when we were first together a year ago.. he said he's still stress of the fact that he is no longer working.. he even said i am partly the reason of his dismal because i am part of the management of the company we are working in.. i tried to explain that i have no involvement at all in the decision of his dismal and that i had tried my best to convince our boss to reconsider his decision about him.. but still he thinks that he's been betrayed by all of us!! I was so confused.. because i thought he really loved me.. and that our relationship does not mix with whatever happens at work! I feel sorry for him and at the same time hurt of the idea that he blames me for losing his job.. i told him that if that what he thinks then we should end our relationship.. but he said he doesn't that.. but just want to be left alone for awhile... This is just not working for me! I really want to make him regret of his decision to ignore me.. I want to move on and at the same time what him to realize that he's making a big mistake!


            • #7
              If you want to move on then finish with him & go no contact. He'll soon realize what a mistake he's made & if he loves you then he will work to get you back!


              • #8
                Thanks Monmouth.. I am trying.. it's hard but for me since we've always been together for a year and we hardly fight.. I just don't understand why this is happening. It's just one day yesterday without contact and it's fuckn killing me.. thanks again. Good night.


                • #9
                  Aloha BC123, You seem like a lovely and supportive friend to him. I think losing his job has taken a real toll on him. It must be a huge blow to his ego. I would wait for a few weeks and see what progress he makes in finding a new job or even just starting to look for a new one. By then, he should be in a better place mentally and emotionally and you can both get back on track - if that is what you want then. Be strong honey!


                  • #10
                    I must admit I failed today to keep to my words and I asked my friend who is his cousin to call him and tell him that I really need to hear from him again.. My Goodness! I know you'd b so mad at me.. but I just can't focus and I keep thinking about him.. I want to know if he's alright.. etc.. anyways, He told my friend that he will call me once he gets credit on phone. I was not with my friend when I told her to call him but she said that was his response.. i really wish i can do this.. i just have to be strong I know! Weeks for me is just too long.. Please give me some advice on how to get over him within weeks..


                    • #11
                      If he says he will ring you when he has credit on his phone then wait till he does & take it from there. I think you contacting him through relatives or friends is the wrong option at the moment'
                      By contacting him through whatever means I think you will appear desperate & needy to him & it will do your cause no good.
                      Please try not to contact him & give him the space he wants & I'm sure it will get him thinking about you & what you have together. Patience is the key, Good luck!


                      • #12
                        Thank you Monmouth for the advice. I will try my very best to be patient. I hope and pray for a positive outcome.. wishing you all Prosperous New Year!


                        • #13
                          I'm still wondering why you want to be with a guy that is apathetic to you and shook your hand in front of his friends like you were a mere acquaintance and now he isn't even calling you when he could clearly do so if he actually wanted to. There are land lines everywhere that he could use if he was actually missing you.

                          You are being taken for a ride by a guy that is likely already in a relationship with someone else.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by phasesofthemoon;n552840now
                            he isn't even calling you when he could clearly do so if he actually wanted to. There are land lines everywhere that he could use if he was actually missing you.

                            You are being taken for a ride by a guy that is likely already in a relationship with someone else.
                            Pay phones are still available worldwide and in the US I think it's only a quarter. Are you not worth 25 cents?

                            I think he's in a relationship with someone else too

                            25 cents, let that sink in

                            Last edited by foh4k; December 27th, 2017, 04:27 PM.
                            There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.


                            • #15
                              Whatever you both shared is over. There are bigger things that are more important to him than you: his ego within himself and probably has trouble sleeping at night, his image with his friends, he probably also has a problem with the size of his pecker, his grandmother's haircut, what his family thinks of him if he's not completely estranged, the friends he's probably borrowing money from right now, maybe illegal activities he's dealing in, who's next couch he's going to surf or who he's going to freeload off now, clean laundry, what he owes other people, maybe what family member he stole money from and where he can get his next high (even if it's not drug related) - anything to stroke his ailing ego.

                              I can think of 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. I don't know where ideas of another woman are coming from. This man is just all loser, 24.7. What blows my mind is why women like you have anything to do with a man like that and STILL have the energy to keep going lamenting the existence of said loser.