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Need advice on how/whether to move forward with a friend

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  • Need advice on how/whether to move forward with a friend

    So where to begin. I really need some advice as I am trying to objectively think about how to move forward with a female friend who I really, really like. But the situation, to me, appears complicated and unique?

    Backstory: We have been friends for about year, and we hung out usually in a group with other friends. We share many similar interests. During this time, I was in a relationship with another woman. However, I did feel like she was flirting with me at times, telling me things like, "you have a hot body." She would also initiate touch: grab my hand, slide her hands across my shoulders etc. She's been going out on dates and meeting potential romantic partners in her life, but as far as I know she hasn't been successful yet. So this could maybe construed as "unfaithful" kind of thing, but I did feel at times that she could be someone I could be more than friends with. But I never acted on that or gave much thought since I was already in the relationship. And this is not just about physical attraction, but compatibility. Anyways, I was going through a break up with my gf about 2 months ago and I have been confiding in this friend (who I will now call X) for advice. X initially said that I should give it a try and suggested things I could do to get back on track (but they seemed just courteous statements, what kind of friend would tell you to break it up immediately?). Eventually, on one night, X sort of told me that I should break up, and I was surprised by that. About a week after that, I broke up with my gf (it was bound to happen). X and I have been spending a lot of time together since then (like every weekend nights we would be together, and some weeknights). Now I feel like there was always that feeling of awkward and uncomfortable attraction, the kind that you get when you really like the girl. I also feel that's the way she is like around me. I made some intimate moves and held her hand (interlocking grip). I also had my hand on her thigh and she doesn't avoid it and sometimes reciprocates. We also cuddled on the sofa watching a movie together.

    Now, usually, I take these signs as cues that I could make a more aggressive move toward her (like kissing). However, I just came off a relationship and don't want to appear as I'm rebounding or "manwhorish." So I've been keeping it cool and trying to take it slow with her. But the question is, I don't know how she feels about me explicitly and I'm just going with my gut feeling so far. The other confusion also comes as we don't really text much with each other. She takes much longer to text me back, but she eventually texts me back with something. I also don't want to lose her as a friend but do see that we could be great in a romantic relationship.

    I feel like I'm destined to tell her about my feelings soon and ask her soon about how she feels about me, but I would appreciate any and all feedback on this situation. Thanks.

  • #2
    I think you're waiting yourself into a permanent friendzone. If you want to be her boyfriend, then ask her on a real date, something that can't be mistaken for anything but a date, and kiss her at the end of the night. If she kisses back, great. If she ducks out, then you know it's too late.
    Not at all flirtatious. Why does it say that??


    • #3
      Talk about it with her and tell her how you feel. You both seem to have a lot of opportunity to spend time alone. If it were me in my younger years, I'd take you for a 'past time', a boy toy whom I just liked spending time with but I knew I would never commit to because I couldn't see exactly what you were getting at. She sounds like she may have some feelings for you but she doesn't want drama with any of your baggage or your ex or your past. She is likely happy taking it slow until YOU voice how much you care about her and focus on HER. Don't focus on your past. Acknowledge that you have just left a previous relationship and tell her that you care about her a lot. If you do want to move forward in this relationship, make sure that you do not make the same mistakes again that you have in your past. You should also make sure that things with your ex are really over.