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At What Point Do I Give Up?

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  • At What Point Do I Give Up?

    I have been talking to this guy through messenger since about August (I know...). We see each other in person on Monday nights...basically a group thing with 100 people. I don't usually get much of a chance to talk to him in person, unfortunately. We usually just say "hi" and he asks how I am. He seems to be the shy, awkward around girls when it comes to relationship stuff type. Our messages have been somewhat lengthy, and we were both asking each other questions back and forth. The response rate has slowed down as I am sure the messaging is becoming hard to keep up with. He last sent me a 3 paragraph message on the 11th, and I responded the 12th. His messages always tend to be pretty enthusiastic and have lots of exclamations in them. He hasn't even looked at the message I sent yet, and I know he has been on Facebook. In one of his last messages, he apologized for not responding sooner as he has been busy. He told me what he has been busy with, and it is quite a bit. He wasn't even able to make it a couple of the Mondays because he has been involved in church/work/getting ready for a mission trip. I have been told that when a guy says he is busy, it is not a good sign...

    He and some of his friends go out to eat after the Monday activity, and he said I should join them some time. I said I would definitely go, but he should remind me in person the day of. First Monday, he didn't say anything, but immediately sent me a message saying he wasn't able to go that night because he had to be up early the next day. I've basically given up on him actually inviting me there the day of. In person he will smile/laugh at my jokes/try to make jokes/and we once made some awkwardly long eye contact, to which I nodded at him after a bit (can't believe I nodded, but that's beside the point)

    This past Monday, I was cleaning up the gym (part of the activity...sorry for being so vague). Mostly everyone had already left, and he and his friend were strangely hanging around as I cleaned up. They weren't doing anything. Neither of them came up to me, but after a while, they started heading out, and the guy in question waved across the gym to me and told me to have a good night. I am not sure if I was supposed to go up to him or what. I've been a bit disheartened by the fact that he hasn't bothered to look at the message I sent, and the fact that he told me he is busy even though he has been on FB (the message says delivered), so why would I put myself out there more? If he is ignoring me on purpose, why would he linger around the gym when I was in there? I am not sure what to do, and don't want to send a 2nd message...

  • #2
    We are in XXIst century, why do you have to wait for a guy to make the move??? He already told you that you should go with him and his friends to dinner after the meetings. You also say that he seems shy and awkward, then why cant you make the move? If he and his friends were stalling last monday while you were there, you could have go towards them and say hi.

    You also mention that you both use long paragraphs in fb, so even if he knows that you've sent a message the fact that he is busy maybe a reason why he hasn't sat down and actually read your message + replied. It could also be that he saw the notification, made a note to answer later and forgot.

    I think you are dwelling too much on the what if's. He is either interested or not. You could wait and see what happens, or you could casually ask him out and you'll have your answer.


    • #3
      No, definitely don't send a second message.

      It looks like he's not really interested in starting anything with you. Your initial messenger communication was probably interesting to him, but after a while, what can you really say that hasn't already been said? A person CAN be very busy and check his facebook page throughout the day.

      You're probably reading too much into his hanging around at the gym. There are many reasons he might have done that which have nothing to do with you. His vague invitation to go out to eat after the Monday activity was probably more out of politeness than romantic intentions.

      I mean he MAY be interested, but not interested enough right now to pursue anything. Just don't send any more messages until he responds. If he does respond, how about YOU ask him to join you for something on Monday night that doesn't include the other people? If he would rather be with his friends than you, you'll have your answer.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        Thank you both for your responses. Going from three paragraphs straight to not even looking at the message I sent the next day is weird to me. He could have been less enthusiastic, sent shorter responses, stopped responding before, etc if there was a hint he wanted me to get sooner...and it didn't seem as if he was getting bored with the messages.

        I'll see what happens this Monday. Maybe I will mention the message in a non-accusatory sort of way and say "I sent you such and such in my last message, but I'm not sure if it sent or not." Or I will just ask him if he is going out afterwards. It's hard because I tend to be a bit shy and awkward about these things, too....and tend to just assume that a person isn't interested in me from the get-go. And now that he hasn't even looked at the message, it makes it harder for me to muster up the courage to put any sort of move on him. But i suppose I have to if I am going to know otherwise


        • #5
          You do realise that messages can be read without actually opening them if he has notifications turned on.
          My friend does it all the time and then responds in person next time I see her in person. Message still appears unread lol

          Do NOT mention the message to him. He will think you are a fruit loop!
          Just ask if he is grabbing food after and that you will join them as you haven't planned dinner.

          He may or may not be interested. You can gauge that at dinner.