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met my High School Love after 10 years

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  • #16
    Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

    I am more of a kawasaki kinda guy

    And yes, she has taught me to take things slowly, but I thought for a very long time that my BPD ex had eradicated the ability of me ever feeling any kind of positive emotions towards women again. I felt dead and empty inside for at least 8 months now, and I am happy to have this little crush.

    It makes it easier to deal with the fallout ...
    My ex is giving me a hard time. I guess I am guilty of "moving on". Who knows, but she has a new reason to torture me. She provokes me constantly. Its not easy when you have to see your BPD ex 8 hours a day. She has a new bf btw ... the 4th after she left me. You'd think she has no reason to hurt me anymore, but apparently she does.

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    • #17
      Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

      Originally posted by Sonny View Post
      Repressed sexual tension is probably not an accurate description. It just infatuation/limerence, which isn't always a bad thing. It's a pretty cool feeling actually, if its not too intense and debilitating.
      Infatuation is sexual tension. The fact that it's not experienced in particularly erotic ways is of no consequence to the fact that it's all based on sexual attraction. We could be using a few words in slightly different ways. But you sound like a thinker to me, so I'm going to guess I don't have to write a book about it.

      ?? so are you saying he should increase his emotional response/go in guns blazing. But you just said he should avoid that. The key is obviously controlling his emotions, testing the waters tactfully and trying to inch towards a relationship. This is going to take some serious self control if he really is infatuated.
      I see where it got confusing. The part I was referring to, specifically, was when she said "I heartily suggest you wheel back your emotional response to her until you see if this 'love' you speak of is reciprocated."

      If he's going to wait around to see if the "love" is reciprocated, he'll be waiting long past when the cows come home.

      A few people may think this way, but its not really relevant to the thread is it.
      Here's where it starts to poke at sensitive nerves. Facts are not determined by beliefs, beliefs are based on facts. But this does not mean that all beliefs are based on facts.

      That there are people who out there who think "love" is magical and beautiful and meant-to-be does not, in absolutely any way, change how cleverly sex deceives so many into thinking that it's all about some sort of higher meaning or purpose.

      Originally posted by Sonny View Post
      See that's where you're emotions are going to hold you back already. Make it not be awkward. Try to change your mindset so that you are just seeing her as a good friend you're really happy to meet. Don't rush it, declare your love out of the blue or anything suicidal like that. Gauge her interest and be tactful. Report back to relationship forums if you need further advice
      See, this is what I'm talking about. You're advising him to "gauge her interest and be tactful," but you're not teaching him just how to gauge her interest and just what it means to be tactful.

      In some ways, this is a lot like a surgeon saying, "All you gotta do is cut the right tissue, sew it up at the right time, and prescribe the right post-op meds." No shit, man, no shit!

      Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
      What you describe is NOT love but rather psychological addiction and emotional abuse. When you've actually had the chance to fall in love then come back and we'll have a wee chat without your pre-conceived rhetoric.
      So I'm totally right about you. You're bitter, you're old, you've been cheated on in the past, the cheating hurt you, and you've never been the same since. You finally found a tool who dances to the beat of your drum, and now you are calling it love. Good for you, but don't spread the disease.

      Tell me, and tell us all, just what love is, then. My rhetoric is based on scientific observation, not on feel-good bullshit people like you recklessly spread to get emotionally riled up over.

      Love is what happens when somebody's happiness becomes as important to you as your own happiness. If you can come up with a more elegant, accurate definition, do it.

      And please do tell, what about making someone fall in love with you is so barbaric and monstrous? Being in love feels good. Making someone fall in love with you is doing something NICE for them. How is making someone feel ecstatic emotionally abusive? You lost me.

      But no, you didn't lose me. Here's what you're really trying to say. YOU are UNCOMFORTABLE with being steered through a course you do not know the path of. YOU, in fact, are a CONTROL FREAK. You are perfectly OK with the manipulative tactics of the flower-gifting douche bag, but this is ONLY because you understand what he's trying to do. You are OK with the manipulative tactics of a guy who compliments a woman and opens doors for her (we ALL know he's doing this ONLY to have a chance of getting into her wet, warm pussy), and this is ONLY because you can see through the simplicity of it.

      But the guy who doesn't pull that crap, the guy who actually knows what's happening, and gracefully participates... THAT"S the guy you hate, and that's the guy you fear, and that's the guy you're uncomfortable with. You are AFRAID OF ATTRACTIVE MEN!

      ...and this is because the last time you fell for the sexiness of an attractive man, you got it into your NARCISSISTIC mind that you're the ONLY thing in the world worth loving and being adored. So then when he DID take interest in other, equally-deserving women, your world was crushed. From that moment on out, you vowed to hate men who love women.

      Your hatred of men is cleverly hidden, though, because most people are as ignorant as are you.

      This ^^^ is what Kyu needs to do, sociopath. Why you ask? Because unlike you, he is not a sociopath but rather a man who is ruled by his emotions and often shredded because of it and not some ball-freak who gets his validation through his penis while remaining emotionally disconnected while he psycholotically dicks with the emotions of his latest "prey."
      Check, check, check, and CHECK!

      1) You're not comfortable with men who are stronger than those who fall victim to self-doubt and self-loathing. You're not comfortable with men who YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF MANIPULATING! You are only comfortable with men who get shredded, because you've learned that those men never shred you because they never get your hopes up in the first place (if you lose 'em, you merely shrug).

      2) What does any of this have to do with validation? We eat good food and spit out bad food because good food tastes nice, and bad food doesn't. Nothing to do with validation. We go on roller coasters and avoid the dentist because roller coasters are fun, and dentist visits not so much. Nothing to do with validation. We seek out attractive mates and skip on the ugly ones because attractive mates are, well, attractive, and the ugly ones are, well, not attractive. Nothing to do with validation.

      3) I like emotional connection. Where you got an idea to the contrary, I cannot know. You DO understand that there ARE women out there who are enjoyable in ways that are IN ADDITION to their enjoyable bodies. For you to make such a black-and-white, emotional connection OR fun sex type of conclusion is indicative of your overcompensation for not having an enjoyable body.

      4) WHAT THE FUCK SORT OF FRANKENSTEIN ARE YOU??? Since WHEN did seeking out attractive women, spending fun time with them, having lustful and satisfying sex with them... EVER been about "dicking with the motions" of "prey"???

      If THAT's what you took away from what I wrote so far, you truly are a very, very bitter woman.

      Originally posted by Kyu View Post
      Well its either her or that badass motorcycle I want so bad ... [ kidding, the bike comes first of course ]
      I am afraid that she'll reject me and doesn't even wanna become friends. Ever since my BPD relationship ended I have a tremendous fear of rejection.
      Look man, you're stressing over nothing. WHY would you even want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you? You will not be happy in that sort of arrangement, I guarantee this to you.

      You have a fear of rejection, that's evident. One thing you're going to have to accept as fact is that the fear of rejection, all by itself, has the capacity to make you extremely unattractive in both sexual terms and platonic terms.

      Do YOU want to be your own friend? If you can't honestly answer "yes," then you're too much work for me. This is an online forum, I don't know who you are, and you're not paying me to labor. Honestly, I don't care about your happiness. I do not love you. It'd be different if you were a good friend, or whatever, but I'm just saying the truth.

      If you want to be your own friend, obviously there's something about you that you find valuable, and pleasant. You need to work on coming up with some sort of mental list describing what's fun or whatever about you.

      But if you go in with the fear of rejection, you're setting yourself up for failure. She doesn't know who the fuck you are. If you come to her with a fear of rejection (believe me, she smells this on you a freakin' mile away!), she will make the conclusion that you're not worth being around. This happens subconsciously.

      She is not a bad person for preferring to be around interesting people. She is not a bad person for avoiding dull people. But facts of life are facts of life. Who you gonna believe? Me or phases?

      Dude, do NOT get a motorcycle to attract women. I hope this isn't what you're doing. But if it is, she'll see right through it and you'll be even worse off! You might think you're a tough badass on a bike, but she's just going to laugh at you and think you're a naive boy. "Kinda adorable, but... ewwww, gross. I won't let him near my pussy."

      Originally posted by foh4k View Post
      Go for the bad ass motorcycle the chicks will follow.

      Kyu, you and I have had this discussion. Your former BPD should have taught you a few things about rushing in too fast. Slow down bud, and keep looking at motorcycles. Harley Davidsons would be your best bet.
      You know what kind of chicks will follow? Fat ugly ones.

      Getting a motorcycle to make yourself more attractive to women is like getting elevator shoes to make yourself look taller to women. You may fool one or two, but most women will be even more annoyed and grossed out with you. THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THEY'RE NOT STUPID.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

        Originally posted by Sociopath View Post
        Infatuation is sexual tension. The fact that it's not experienced in particularly erotic ways is of no consequence to the fact that it's all based on sexual attraction. We could be using a few words in slightly different ways. But you sound like a thinker to me, so I'm going to guess I don't have to write a book about it.



        I see where it got confusing. The part I was referring to, specifically, was when she said "I heartily suggest you wheel back your emotional response to her until you see if this 'love' you speak of is reciprocated."

        If he's going to wait around to see if the "love" is reciprocated, he'll be waiting long past when the cows come home.



        Here's where it starts to poke at sensitive nerves. Facts are not determined by beliefs, beliefs are based on facts. But this does not mean that all beliefs are based on facts.

        That there are people who out there who think "love" is magical and beautiful and meant-to-be does not, in absolutely any way, change how cleverly sex deceives so many into thinking that it's all about some sort of higher meaning or purpose.



        See, this is what I'm talking about. You're advising him to "gauge her interest and be tactful," but you're not teaching him just how to gauge her interest and just what it means to be tactful.

        In some ways, this is a lot like a surgeon saying, "All you gotta do is cut the right tissue, sew it up at the right time, and prescribe the right post-op meds." No shit, man, no shit!



        So I'm totally right about you. You're bitter, you're old, you've been cheated on in the past, the cheating hurt you, and you've never been the same since. You finally found a tool who dances to the beat of your drum, and now you are calling it love. Good for you, but don't spread the disease.

        Tell me, and tell us all, just what love is, then. My rhetoric is based on scientific observation, not on feel-good bullshit people like you recklessly spread to get emotionally riled up over.

        Love is what happens when somebody's happiness becomes as important to you as your own happiness. If you can come up with a more elegant, accurate definition, do it.

        And please do tell, what about making someone fall in love with you is so barbaric and monstrous? Being in love feels good. Making someone fall in love with you is doing something NICE for them. How is making someone feel ecstatic emotionally abusive? You lost me.

        But no, you didn't lose me. Here's what you're really trying to say. YOU are UNCOMFORTABLE with being steered through a course you do not know the path of. YOU, in fact, are a CONTROL FREAK. You are perfectly OK with the manipulative tactics of the flower-gifting douche bag, but this is ONLY because you understand what he's trying to do. You are OK with the manipulative tactics of a guy who compliments a woman and opens doors for her (we ALL know he's doing this ONLY to have a chance of getting into her wet, warm pussy), and this is ONLY because you can see through the simplicity of it.

        But the guy who doesn't pull that crap, the guy who actually knows what's happening, and gracefully participates... THAT"S the guy you hate, and that's the guy you fear, and that's the guy you're uncomfortable with. You are AFRAID OF ATTRACTIVE MEN!

        ...and this is because the last time you fell for the sexiness of an attractive man, you got it into your NARCISSISTIC mind that you're the ONLY thing in the world worth loving and being adored. So then when he DID take interest in other, equally-deserving women, your world was crushed. From that moment on out, you vowed to hate men who love women.

        Your hatred of men is cleverly hidden, though, because most people are as ignorant as are you.



        Check, check, check, and CHECK!

        1) You're not comfortable with men who are stronger than those who fall victim to self-doubt and self-loathing. You're not comfortable with men who YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF MANIPULATING! You are only comfortable with men who get shredded, because you've learned that those men never shred you because they never get your hopes up in the first place (if you lose 'em, you merely shrug).

        2) What does any of this have to do with validation? We eat good food and spit out bad food because good food tastes nice, and bad food doesn't. Nothing to do with validation. We go on roller coasters and avoid the dentist because roller coasters are fun, and dentist visits not so much. Nothing to do with validation. We seek out attractive mates and skip on the ugly ones because attractive mates are, well, attractive, and the ugly ones are, well, not attractive. Nothing to do with validation.

        3) I like emotional connection. Where you got an idea to the contrary, I cannot know. You DO understand that there ARE women out there who are enjoyable in ways that are IN ADDITION to their enjoyable bodies. For you to make such a black-and-white, emotional connection OR fun sex type of conclusion is indicative of your overcompensation for not having an enjoyable body.

        4) WHAT THE FUCK SORT OF FRANKENSTEIN ARE YOU??? Since WHEN did seeking out attractive women, spending fun time with them, having lustful and satisfying sex with them... EVER been about "dicking with the motions" of "prey"???

        If THAT's what you took away from what I wrote so far, you truly are a very, very bitter woman.



        Look man, you're stressing over nothing. WHY would you even want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you? You will not be happy in that sort of arrangement, I guarantee this to you.

        You have a fear of rejection, that's evident. One thing you're going to have to accept as fact is that the fear of rejection, all by itself, has the capacity to make you extremely unattractive in both sexual terms and platonic terms.

        Do YOU want to be your own friend? If you can't honestly answer "yes," then you're too much work for me. This is an online forum, I don't know who you are, and you're not paying me to labor. Honestly, I don't care about your happiness. I do not love you. It'd be different if you were a good friend, or whatever, but I'm just saying the truth.

        If you want to be your own friend, obviously there's something about you that you find valuable, and pleasant. You need to work on coming up with some sort of mental list describing what's fun or whatever about you.

        But if you go in with the fear of rejection, you're setting yourself up for failure. She doesn't know who the fuck you are. If you come to her with a fear of rejection (believe me, she smells this on you a freakin' mile away!), she will make the conclusion that you're not worth being around. This happens subconsciously.

        She is not a bad person for preferring to be around interesting people. She is not a bad person for avoiding dull people. But facts of life are facts of life. Who you gonna believe? Me or phases?

        Dude, do NOT get a motorcycle to attract women. I hope this isn't what you're doing. But if it is, she'll see right through it and you'll be even worse off! You might think you're a tough badass on a bike, but she's just going to laugh at you and think you're a naive boy. "Kinda adorable, but... ewwww, gross. I won't let him near my pussy."



        You know what kind of chicks will follow? Fat ugly ones.

        Getting a motorcycle to make yourself more attractive to women is like getting elevator shoes to make yourself look taller to women. You may fool one or two, but most women will be even more annoyed and grossed out with you. THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THEY'RE NOT STUPID.
        Lmao. I'm sorry you've never had someone love you, sociopath.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

          Hmmm, you're right. Maybe I need you in my life.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

            Originally posted by Sociopath View Post

            Dude, do NOT get a motorcycle to attract women. I hope this isn't what you're doing. But if it is, she'll see right through it and you'll be even worse off! You might think you're a tough badass on a bike, but she's just going to laugh at you and think you're a naive boy. "Kinda adorable, but... ewwww, gross. I won't let him near my pussy."



            You know what kind of chicks will follow? Fat ugly ones.

            Getting a motorcycle to make yourself more attractive to women is like getting elevator shoes to make yourself look taller to women. You may fool one or two, but most women will be even more annoyed and grossed out with you. THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THEY'RE NOT STUPID.

            It was tongue in cheek.
            There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

              Sorry, I'm having a hard time keeping track of who's in on it and who isn't.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

                Gotta agree with Sociopath on almost everything. Everything you said I read somewhere else before and it makes perfect sense.

                The motorcycle is for me. Not for the chicks. Riding my bike is almost as good as sex. Thats why I am waiting for spring to come.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

                  Originally posted by Kyu View Post
                  Gotta agree with Sociopath on almost everything. Everything you said I read somewhere else before and it makes perfect sense.

                  The motorcycle is for me. Not for the chicks. Riding my bike is almost as good as sex. Thats why I am waiting for spring to come.
                  I love my motorcycle, all playing around aside about the chicks, I did it for me and I get wonderful enjoyment out of it. Truth is it's for you!!

                  And I have met plenty of hot chicks at some rallies, and plenty of big ones too but it's the camaraderie not the chicks.
                  There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: met my High School Love after 10 years

                    Easy there, lovers! No need to start smooching.

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