I realize I may be on the wrong forum. I have been married/in a committed relationship for the past 15 years, and this looks more like a dating site. And my wife and I are both good kissers, so we don’t need help there either. But I would think the dynamics are the same, just in effect at different stages of the relationship.
If I were dating right now, ostensibly still seeking my eventual life partner, I would be evaluating personality traits to determine if this were a relationship to pursue. A major trait would be her desire to spend her time away from me in an activity like nightclubbing. I’d be concerned with her desire to frequent certain types of nightclubs where the expected behavior includes getting hit on by men all night, accepting drinks from some, dances with others, flirting, touching etc. And that’s what’s EXPECTED. Grinding, a simple impulsive kiss, alcohol, aggressive unwanted attention, an “I’m sorry I was just so drunk” mistake, etc., are always a very real possibility. Sure, I’ll date her occasionally when I want to get laid, but I’ll pass on any emotional connection.
My opinion is also colored by the fact that my wife got hooked on an activity that I hadn’t calculated into my equation until it was too late, and a post-partem desire to party kicked in after our second child was born. She started out wanting to “go dancing” with a friend, but soon realized it was pretty fun to act this way in a bar. It’s just innocent dancing, right? She happened to have agreed with Pailix and Diedra’s analysis of the appropriateness of the situation. I personally view it as having been cheated on. “Legitimized Infidelity”, is what I called it on a different forum. If it was even a little worse, it could have jeopardized my marriage and family. Attitudes like Pailix and Diedra’s, I fear, promote a climate that makes it more acceptable. Worse, it allows the partying spouse a legitimized platform with which to bully the SO into accepting the behavior or be viewed as Neanderthal.
Your line in the sand, Pailix, may be different than mine. You may not feel comfortable with her relationship with her old pal she used to party with in college. They recently started hanging out at his place every other Friday night. Just to unwinding from the week. Sometimes it’s just her, sometimes her and a girlfriend. But it’s always that male pal, usually a few of his buds. Sometimes just the two of them. But they’re just partying until 3AM, right? A little weed, some booze. How dare you imply it may be inappropriate? The next guy is OK with this, but he’s even more liberal than us and he draws his line at blowjobs with guys she services to get her fix at the crackhouse. Handjobs/ t.it.ty f.u.k.s are OK. The next guys even good w/ the b’J’s, but not….
Sure, cheating can happen anywhere. But you need to feel comfortable with your definition of what “cheating” is. And whatever activities end up being part of the equation, make sure you all agree on how it fits into your relationship and be sure to communicate/act accordingly. Clubbing will never fit into my equation without a lot of understanding of expected behavior and mutually acceptable ground rules that are pre-agreed upon. Yes, more discussion and agreement than is necessary for going to the movies, lunch or a play. If we can’t agree and you still want to go, see ya’ later. NEXT!