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I'm scared to tell her i love her...

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  • I'm scared to tell her i love her...

    I know the thread title seems like I'm just being a wimp and can't suck it up, but it's more of an internal struggle.

    So basically, I've never had a real, true girlfriend before. I've always just dabbled here and there, doing some one-night hook ups...nothing much. I did have a small relationship last spring, but I knew it was doomed from the start so it ended over the summer.

    My problem is that I'm in college and i'm VERY good at attracting women. It's not that i'm insanely hot or anything (i've been told i'm cute ), but i'm just so easy to talk to. I have a lot of confidence and i'm not afraid to talk to ANY girl. Last year i was a freshman and i did many things with a lot of different girls. I probably hooked up with about 15 or so girls, and probably about 5 of those girls i went farther with. I had only had sex with one girl prior to this year, so I'm not that kind of a guy. I never slept with a girl after one night, but i did a lot of kissing. It was my thing last year. I wasn't in it for a girlfriend...i just wanted to see who i could "get with." Very immature, i know, but i've accepted that what i did was immature. But i will not lie about the fact that I enjoyed it.

    Anyways, i barely have ANY action over the summer and then i come back to school. It's round two at college and i'm ready to talk to some girls. About the second day back i start talking to this girl Kate. I had known her last year a little bit...I only exclusively hung out with her once, but every time i was around her i was so attracted to her and i was SOO curious to get to know her. She seemed like the kind of girl i could get along with.

    Well the next night we hung out, then the next night, then the next night, and then i finally kissed her. We just kept hanging out and it always got better. I'm still very attracted to her as well. Fast forward to now and she's my first real girlfriend. We've been dating for about 1.5 months now and we get along so well. And now my problem:

    I still attract girls when i talk to them, and sometimes i need to catch myself. I can be too flirty sometimes. I still look at really pretty girls when they walk by...How can i not? I'm at a university and there are beautiful women everywhere. I'm always meeting new and interesting women everyday. Sometimes when i meet them i wonder what it would be like to date this one. Or what it would be like to hang out with this one. I'm dating Kate now so obviously i cannot hang out with them like that, but i can't help being curious. I'm almost scared i might screw up if a girl tries to kiss me.

    But on the other hand, i know i can do it if i have the will. There's always a voice in me that tells me Kate is the one i need to be with now. Why? Because Kate is amazing and a true catch. I won't begin to describe her because it won't show how awesome she is.

    As i was driving back from a concert last night in my car, it hit me. I thought about her so much it brought tears to my eyes. I know it has only been 1.5 months, but i think i love her. I mean...i'm not sure how love works because she is my first girlfriend, but i just love so many things about her i just see her so differently now. We were in bed last night and i was about to tell her but i couldn't because i just don't feel like she deserves to hear it from a guy who is still scared of temptation. I know i WILL NOT cheat on her, but i guess i'm just scared because i know if i stay with Kate it will be for a while, and i don't know if i'm ready for that. But on the other hand, i've never had a long relationship and it could be good for me.

    I know this is a lot to read and it may seem very jumbled, but i needed to get it out and i'm curious what experienced people make of this. Thanks.

  • #2
    Re: I'm scared to tell her i love her...

    It may very well be that you're not ready to stay with someone, who knows? But you can try at least. The future is uncertain even if you do love someone. Instead of ignoring your fear you can always just acknowledge that it will be there a little bit. Your difficulty I think is letting it get out of control. When you do feel scared, tell yourself that it's normal to feel a bit of apprehension. It really isn't a big deal.

    The other thing is, you've only been seeing her for a month and a half. It really isn't that long. I suggest that you just drop the issue of 'I love you' if you still feel uncomfortable about saying it, and think about it some more. There's no rush to say it now, especially so early in your relationship.


    • #3
      Re: I'm scared to tell her i love her...

      Yikes! Wish I could help, but I'm still working on being able to tell the guy I've been dating for 7 months that.

      Automorphism gave some good advice, so I'd like to echo what he said.

      Also - I'm not sure the "worry" about temptation ever really goes away for some people. I've had two long relationships (3 years and 2.5 years) - and I never stopped looking at other guys, flirting, or wondering "what if" - I think it's a normal part of the human psyche. I also think it's normal to be afraid of staying with someone a long time at the start of any relationship (but esp your first one). I usually am apprehensive about that too - I was insistent the guy I'm dating now WOULD NOT be more than someone I was casually dating, said I didn't want a boyfriend, etc etc... but lo and behold, we've been pretty serious for 7 months. As time goes on, the thought starts to leave. I find it never fully leaves, but what's important is that you don't ACT on it.
      "It's really not so good to have time. Rush, scramble, desperation, this missed, that left behind, those others too big to fit into such a small space-- that's the way life was meant to be. You're supposed to be too late for some things. Don't worry about it."
      -The Skull, The Last Unicorn


      • #4
        Re: I'm scared to tell her i love her...

        just an update guys. i finally realized i needed to tell her. i told her i loved her and now things are going great. she's going to drive down to visit me over college break! i've got myself a great girl here