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  • Etiquette question

    I'm wondering if I should have said something at a recent party. I attended a small gathering in someone's home where folks mainly just sat around and talked. Being that it's in the dead of winter, you would think the host would have the temperature cranked up to a comfortable level. I don't think she had the furnace turned on at all that night, and with people gradually flowing in, the front door kept letting a cold blast of air come in to make matters worse. On top of having to take my shoes off so her carpet would not get stained, I was freezing the whole night, with bare feet and a jacket that is not meant for long term outerwear. (Went from my garage to her house with only a couple of minutes actually outside.) She can well afford to pay heating bills. Should I have asked her to turn up the heat? I couldn't really leave until later in the evening, so just had to suffer in silence and shiver. Should I just bring outerwear and heavy socks and gloves next time? Still would have been uncomfortable sitting there. I swear, it must have been 40 degrees in that house. Any suggestions? I didn't want to be rude, so I didn't say anything. The other guests suffered in silence also. How would you handle this next time? Ask her to turn up the heat? Would have taken a good hour or more for the room temperature to rise to normal. Bring outerwear next time and keep them on in the house? Avoid the party altogether? Bring my own blanket with me? Any suggestions?

  • #2
    Mary No, it wasn't rude of you to ask her to turn on the heater. A host (or hostess) should know better. I've been invited to people's homes where they're too cheap to use A/C while guests are sweating bullets during the height of summer. They opened windows and let all the hot air in. I've asked them to turn on their A/C and they're still too cheap so I drank a lot of ice water. After several times of sweating profusely, I declined those invitations because I don't enjoy sweating especially during social settings.

    It's awfully inconsiderate and cheap of the host not to ensure their guests' comfort. Your host expects guests to dress as if they're in Alaska which is incredibly inconsiderate. And, your feet were freezing because the host asked you to remove your shoes to prevent soiling her carpet. I think you should speak up and ask the host to please turn on the heater every single time she home entertains. If she refuses and you're doomed to shiver and still wish to engage in your same social scene, then be prepared in the future and bundle up. Bring your winter gear, thick winter coat, heavy socks, heavy outerwear, gloves, bring your own blanket, wear a hat, wrap a scar around your neck, cover your ears and head. All of you should band together and sit on her sofa like Eskimos. Perhaps she'll take a hint next time. Also, ask her to turn on the heater IN FRONT OF EVERYONE so it puts the hostess (or host) on the spot and she'll either be forced to spend money and turn on the heat or feel embarrassed because all eyes will be on her when she refuses to make her guests comfortable and warm in the dead of winter.

    I would only avoid the party if the cold is intolerable. If you enjoy the party otherwise, I'd attend but I would speak up each and every time IN FRONT OF EVERYONE; not 1:1. Protest politely and hopefully she'll turn on the heater.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

    Comment


    • #3
      Mary Typo: "scarf around your neck," not "scar around your neck."

      It's very rude of the host / hostess to make guests freeze to death. Talk about cheap and inconsiderate. Definitely speak up and ask the host / hostess to turn on the central heat in front of everyone. Put the dumb host / hostess on the spot.

      If you're unhappy with this form of "entertainment," then politely decline future invitations and stay home where it's warm and cozy with yummy food. You're under no obligation to accept invitations while knowing you'll be unhappy in their company. Or, host your own party or gathering and turn the heat or A/C on to make your guests comfortable, well fed and happy.

      I hope the host feeds you well. I hate attending gatherings or parties where the host skimps on the food and goes cheap so I leave starving and disappointed or eat unpalatable, lousy food. I was taught to provide thorough hospitality, feed my guests generous, delicious food, make them feel comfortable with the right temperature, turn on the heat or A/C, have good background music (not too loud) and treat guests how I would want to be treated because that's called treating others with utmost respect and consideration in mind.

      It's equally rude to make guests sweat profusely by not turning on the A/C (air conditioning) during sweltering summer heat.

      Whenever I've received shoddy treatment from the host / hostess, in the future, I politely decline their invitations. We still get along well but I don't have to subject myself to being somewhere I don't want to be. I'm better off at home where I'm comfortable or I go out to where I would like. You have every right to enjoy yourself and have a choice. You don't have to accept and say "yes" when you know you won't have a good time. Don't waste your time and energy at a place you will not enjoy.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

      Comment


      • #4
        Sorry Mary. Normally I agree with you in your views but this seems over the top. If you don't like her house, simply don't go over next time or do dress more warmly. You don't seem on good speaking terms with the host otherwise you'd have discreetly joked about it with her if you'd have spoken to her one on one during the part. If she was any friend of mine, I'd have made a joke of it or mentioned quietly without other guests around. She may have health problems or be having hot flashes where she has no idea other people are freezing. That in itself requires some discretion and understanding. She may also have been in the kitchen all day or all afternoon prepping for the lot of you and is warm from all that preparation. If it is a matter of saving a few cents, that's her prerogative. She's entitled to save. You have a choice not to go. The fact that you didn't know her enough to mention something early on or suss out what the matter was or why she may have failed to see her freezing guests is of concern to me. I'd be (mildly) concerned about any friend of mine who isn't able to gauge this and would want to help out.

        I would absolutely avoid jumping to huge conclusions about her that are wildly negative.

        I think you're taking the situation a bit too seriously in general. Don't dwell on it.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 8th, 2019, 12:44 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you, Chanelle. That's good advice. I think I will take you up on your suggestions, and come dressed in winter gear, gloves, thick winter socks, etc., and ask her to turn on the heat.


          I also learned how to be a good hostess when I was young, in my 20s, and would always provide food and drinks to guests, no matter what the time of day was. If it was normal meal time, I would provide a meal, either one I cooked myself, or if there was no time, I picked up something tasty from a restaurant or ordered food to be delivered. If it was between meals, I'd always offer drinks and snacks or desserts. It seems a lot of people don't follow that practice, though, and they'll either offer nothing, or something very minimal. Reminds me of an episode of "King of Queens". (Not sure if you get that program where you live). Doug arrives to a party at dinnertime, thinking he was going to be provided dinner. When he realizes they were only serving drinks and a platter of raw vegetables, he panicks and heads to the kitchen to find food, only to realize the kitchen is totally clean and empty, with no food to be found. Funny episode. I've learned to eat before I go, or bring my own drink in hand, if the host is known to be minimalist when she entertains. Sometimes I'll bring food or drinks to share, but no one else seems to do that, or rarely does it. My daughter-in-law says the same thing--she always brought a homemade dish to their weekly gatherings they attended, until she realized she was the only one doing it, and everybody else just brought snacks or nothing at all. And this was at dinnertime. So she stopped, because she started to feel like people expected her to be the one to always contribute, but no one else brought much of anything. Store boughten snacks or something minimal.

          Another pet peeve of mine is the common practice of making a dinner a potluck. Usually what happens is people will sign up to bring an appetizer or a dessert, but no one will sign up to bring a main dish. I've sometimes signed up for the main dish, but nobody else ever does. I just don't get this minimalist practice that seems to be so common these days.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            Sorry Mary. Normally I agree with you in your views but this seems over the top. If you don't like her house, simply don't go over next time or do dress more warmly. You don't seem on good speaking terms with the host otherwise you'd have discreetly joked about it with her if you'd have spoken to her one on one during the part. If she was any friend of mine, I'd have made a joke of it or mentioned quietly without other guests around. She may have health problems or be having hot flashes where she has no idea other people are freezing. That in itself requires some discretion and understanding. She may also have been in the kitchen all day or all afternoon prepping for the lot of you and is warm from all that preparation. If it is a matter of saving a few cents, that's her prerogative. She's entitled to save. You have a choice not to go. The fact that you didn't know her enough to mention something early on or suss out what the matter was or why she may have failed to see her freezing guests is of concern to me. I'd be (mildly) concerned about any friend of mine who isn't able to gauge this and would want to help out.

            I would absolutely avoid jumping to huge conclusions about her that are wildly negative.

            I think you're taking the situation a bit too seriously in general. Don't dwell on it.
            I'll bring my heavy winter outerwear next time, and my thick winter socks. I didn't have the opportunity to speak to her one on one, as we were all sitting in the same room together. No food was offered, only drinks. And I'm pretty sure she has a housekeeper, so I don't think she put a lot of energy into preparing for the party. It is her prerogative to keep the temperature where she wants it, which is why I didn't say anything, but next time I'll come prepared. I should have mentioned something early on, but didn't want to offend her, so I didn't say anything.

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            • #7
              If you like being a guest at her home and are comfortable next time/have the opportunity I'd just mention it but without the entire group listening.
              Some people like ambient temps colder. I personally prefer a colder environment but my husband screams bloody murder when I turn off the heat. It doesn't have anything to do with money(which is a bit funny come to think of it). I am generally always warm even at rest but he is generally always cold.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                If you like being a guest at her home and are comfortable next time/have the opportunity I'd just mention it but without the entire group listening.
                That would be hard to do, as there is a designated start time, so unless I arrive early, I won't have the opportunity to talk to her privately. I'm not too inclined to arrive early, as a lot of hosts don't like that, as they may still be getting ready. I'll just wear my heaviest winter coat, gloves and warm winter socks, and casually mention in front of whomever is there at the time that it's pretty cold in here, is there any way she could turn up the heat.
                Some people like ambient temps colder. I personally prefer a colder environment but my husband screams bloody murder when I turn off the heat. It doesn't have anything to do with money(which is a bit funny come to think of it). I am generally always warm even at rest but he is generally always cold.
                Understood, that everyone will have their preferences. This was not just a case of her liking it colder, though. It was frigid in there. I think she just didn't want to spend the money to heat the house to a normal temperature, even though she could well afford to. Some people are quirky like that. They'll have plenty of money, but be unreasonably miserly about certain things. My husband is the same way. He'll go out and buy a Mercedes, but not want to spend money to buy a drink at the ball game because he thinks it costs too much. He'd rather we both be thirsty the whole time than spring for the $8 for a couple of drinks. I've learned to always bring my own money or credit cards, lest I be totally at his mercy as to what he is willing to spend on food and drinks, if anything. Usually nothing. Some of the richest people can be the most miserly. Not that we are rich, but can well afford a drink and hot dog at the game. I'll learn for next time. Wear heavy winter clothing. Bring heavy winter socks. Ask politely if she could turn up the heat. Must cost a lot of money to heat up that big house, but I would think she could turn it up just when she's having guests over, and then turn it off after they leave.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Mary Looks like you and I are very similar when it comes to being considerate of guests. Yes, next time, dress up as if you're going to Siberia. Either the host will take a hint, guests will make a quip or you should speak up in front of everyone about turning on the bleeping heat and point out the obvious. You can be humorous about this, too. Everyone loves a good sense of humor to get your point across.

                  If you truly do not enjoy freezing to death (or sweltering during the summer w/o A/C if that were the case), simply, politely decline invitations. Either host your own comfortable, "do it right" party or decline invitations. I decline many invitations but I'm still on good terms with the invitee. No one is under any obligation to attend

                  I enjoy watching "King of Queens." It's such a funny sitcom. That was a hilarious episode where Doug is starving and the host only served drinks and raw vegetables at dinnertime.

                  If I know I'll be served a morsel, I make sure to eat before parties so I won't starve. I make sure I bring snacks in my purse to tide me over.

                  My mother was the epitome of warm hospitality and while I'm reminiscent of my mother, it skipped a gene when it came to my sister. She hosted my niece's grad party last summer and it was pitiful. We had sweltering triple digit temps in August yet she refused to turn on the A/C in her $1.6 mil house. She can afford it because she has weekly maid service and she's a SAHM. She ordered lousy tasting, unpalatable supermarket deli food in tins, dressed up a store bought sickeningly sweet cake with flowers and only concentrated on party decor. Here guests brought generous amounts of cash and gifts yet she always has the nerve to serve her guests inadequate crap. Fortunately, it was of some small consolation that I brought several large homemade side dishes with protein in them otherwise the party would've been worse than a complete flop. Either do it right or not at all. Her way is embarrassing and shameful. I would understand if it were a small cocktail party but this was a grad party where 50 guests brought expensive gifts in tow not to mention fought heavy traffic and traveled far and wide to attend. She anticipates money and gifts yet treats guests like crap. Common sense would dictate to at least reciprocate guests by treating them well with generous, delicious food as opposed to focusing only on frou-frou (party decorations).

                  I'm similar to your DIL (daughter-in-law). I cook and bring potluck food while everyone else brings Costco pizza, store bought cheap cookies or a bag of chips. People are cheap and lazy.

                  In the past, I invited my in-laws to home cooked dinners but the problem was, I was doing all the inviting yet when it was their turn to get a few of us together, we had to meet at restaurants and "go dutch" or pay separate bills. I eventually caught on so for the past several years, I don't host dinner in my home anymore. In the past, I'd knock myself out while they just sat on the couch. No one bothered to help me nor help with dirty dishes either yet I always help whoever hosted anything because my mother taught me to do so - - especially family members. To my sister's credit, she always brought a homemade side dish, helped me cook and clean whenever I hosted dinner gatherings or backyard BBQs. (However, she doesn't host parties well and serves orange, greasy Costco frozen meatballs. Tastes so salty, oily and gross.) I always jump right in to help the host / hostess especially family. Nowadays, we meet at restaurants a few times a year at best and it's less work for me. My "Martha Stewart" days are over. I felt taken for granted and taken advantage of. No more "Miss Nice." They've since taken notice, too. Freebies from me had suddenly come to a screeching halt. Relationships felt unbalanced.

                  Regarding your pet peeves, for those who don't contribute, it's called apathy, indifference, laziness and "I don't care." You are the conscientious type. Since I'm in the same boat, the answer is easy. Don't do it anymore just as I had since quit. I've since joined the club of apathy, indifference and have the "I don't care attitude." I enjoy my life by doing my own thing. I save money and spend money on myself instead of on others who do all the taking and never any giving. You should try it. It's less labor, time and expense. Do what you enjoy and forget about everyone else. They don't think you're worth it regarding their labor, time, effort and expense so return the favor and do the same. What goes around comes around.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                    Mary Looks like you and I are very similar when it comes to being considerate of guests. Yes, next time, dress up as if you're going to Siberia. Either the host will take a hint, guests will make a quip or you should speak up in front of everyone about turning on the bleeping heat and point out the obvious. You can be humorous about this, too. Everyone loves a good sense of humor to get your point across.
                    Yep, will do.

                    If you truly do not enjoy freezing to death (or sweltering during the summer w/o A/C if that were the case), simply, politely decline invitations. Either host your own comfortable, "do it right" party or decline invitations. I decline many invitations but I'm still on good terms with the invitee. No one is under any obligation to attend
                    I may just decline to go on the coldest days, but I think I will first try your suggestion of bundling up in winter clothing and asking the host to turn up the heat.

                    I enjoy watching "King of Queens." It's such a funny sitcom. That was a hilarious episode where Doug is starving and the host only served drinks and raw vegetables at dinnertime.
                    Yep, hilarious, and a lot of truth to that actually. Lots of people have these super deluxe kitchens, but they don't actually use them to cook in, and eat most of their meals out. I know a woman like that--has a really deluxe new kitchen, but they eat all their meals out, including breakfast, so the kitchen is mostly just for show.

                    If I know I'll be served a morsel, I make sure to eat before parties so I won't starve. I make sure I bring snacks in my purse to tide me over.
                    Same here, I'll eat something right before the party, or I'll plan to bring something to share with the group.

                    My mother was the epitome of warm hospitality and while I'm reminiscent of my mother, it skipped a gene when it came to my sister. She hosted my niece's grad party last summer and it was pitiful. We had sweltering triple digit temps in August yet she refused to turn on the A/C in her $1.6 mil house. She can afford it because she has weekly maid service and she's a SAHM. She ordered lousy tasting, unpalatable supermarket deli food in tins, dressed up a store bought sickeningly sweet cake with flowers and only concentrated on party decor. Here guests brought generous amounts of cash and gifts yet she always has the nerve to serve her guests inadequate crap. Fortunately, it was of some small consolation that I brought several large homemade side dishes with protein in them otherwise the party would've been worse than a complete flop. Either do it right or not at all. Her way is embarrassing and shameful. I would understand if it were a small cocktail party but this was a grad party where 50 guests brought expensive gifts in tow not to mention fought heavy traffic and traveled far and wide to attend. She anticipates money and gifts yet treats guests like crap. Common sense would dictate to at least reciprocate guests by treating them well with generous, delicious food as opposed to focusing only on frou-frou (party decorations).
                    Some people are just not good at throwing parties. Either they can't cook, or they just don't know the basics of entertaining people. Or they don't think they should have to make an effort for whatever reason. I tend to go all out when throwing a party, and cook up a storm, because I want guests to feel glad that they came, well fed, and have good memories of the gathering.[QUOTE]

                    I'm similar to your DIL (daughter-in-law). I cook and bring potluck food while everyone else brings Costco pizza, store bought cheap cookies or a bag of chips. People are cheap and lazy.[Yep, or they just don't see the need to make a big effort, or much effort at all. I just don't get that mentality. I always read that the most important thing for a successful party, besides good company, is the food.

                    In the past, I invited my in-laws to home cooked dinners but the problem was, I was doing all the inviting yet when it was their turn to get a few of us together, we had to meet at restaurants and "go dutch" or pay separate bills. I eventually caught on so for the past several years, I don't host dinner in my home anymore. In the past, I'd knock myself out while they just sat on the couch. No one bothered to help me nor help with dirty dishes either yet I always help whoever hosted anything because my mother taught me to do so - - especially family members. To my sister's credit, she always brought a homemade side dish, helped me cook and clean whenever I hosted dinner gatherings or backyard BBQs. (However, she doesn't host parties well and serves orange, greasy Costco frozen meatballs. Tastes so salty, oily and gross.) I always jump right in to help the host / hostess especially family. Nowadays, we meet at restaurants a few times a year at best and it's less work for me. My "Martha Stewart" days are over. I felt taken for granted and taken advantage of. No more "Miss Nice." They've since taken notice, too. Freebies from me had suddenly come to a screeching halt. Relationships felt unbalanced.
                    Yes, that seems to be the widespread thing nowadays, people hold their parties at a restaurant or club, and everyone pays their own way. I, personally, love to entertain, even though it is a lot of work if it's done right, but I enjoy throwing a good party. I'll plan the menu weeks in advance. I'll clean the whole house until it's spotless. Even if it's never reciprocated, I do it because I enjoy doing it. And friends and family do appreciate it, even if they don't want to take on the work themselves.

                    Regarding your pet peeves, for those who don't contribute, it's called apathy, indifference, laziness and "I don't care."
                    Or "I don't cook, or I don't want to spend the money." But when you think of going to a restaurant, they'd be spending plenty of money on a restaurant meal and drinks, so I don't know why people are averse to spending money for a decent dish to contribute to a potluck. They could easily order it from a restaurant and pick it up on the way to the party. I've done that if I didn't have time to cook.
                    You are the conscientious type. Since I'm in the same boat, the answer is easy. Don't do it anymore just as I had since quit. I've since joined the club of apathy, indifference and have the "I don't care attitude." I enjoy my life by doing my own thing. I save money and spend money on myself instead of on others who do all the taking and never any giving. You should try it. It's less labor, time and expense. Do what you enjoy and forget about everyone else. They don't think you're worth it regarding their labor, time, effort and expense so return the favor and do the same. What goes around comes around.
                    No can do. I love to entertain, and make the effort to throw a good party. To me, even though it's a lot of work, it's also fun. I enjoy it. And people do appreciate it, they just aren't willing to spend the time and money and effort themselves to do it. My daughter-in-law has kind of adopted your philosophy, though. Although she will still make a big effort for parties she hosts, she no longer tries to provide food for other people's parties, as no one else was making the effort, including the hosts. I do know one woman that is the exception to the norm, and I really do have to hand it to her. She goes to the effort of making a full dinner every week for her friend circle when she has her weekly parties for the girls, and she makes a wonderful dinner completely from scratch. And she enjoys doing it. She's a very giving person. I haven't gone to her parties for awhile, since I felt I was taking on too many social events during the week, or other obligations, and just didn't have the time anymore. But I get her weekly invitations in my Email still. I should reconnect with that group.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      She wouldn't have turned the heating up even if you had asked her. She sounds like the sort of snotty woman that don't like to spend a single penny if they dont have to. The simple answer here is if you don't like going there, don't.
                      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                      Comment


                      • #12

                        Mary You have your choices. Either bundle up as if you're immersed in a Siberian winter, ask the host to turn on the heat or don't attend. Either endure the bitter cold and try to have a good time or stay home. You can't expect the host to acquiesce. Try to be a good sport or stay home where it's warm, cozy and enjoy your delicious food.

                        I know many people with gorgeous, huge, very expensive kitchens yet it's just for show. They eat out everyday because they can afford it and love the convenience. It's the norm. They're quietly quite affluent and this is their lifestyle. They can afford maids every week, too. Must be nice. Ironically, a huge fancy kitchen requires a lot of cleaning so being well-to-do often times requires convenience such as eating out and having maids. Bigger place means more maintenance and more labor. Well off people don't want to bother with the hassle of upkeep so they take the easy way out. It's fine with me and no skin off my nose.

                        As far as knowing the party will by abysmal food wise, it's good to bring something to share to save the day or just be gracious, expect the worst, roll with it, be nice and leave eventually. Keep the peace. Some people don't know how to home entertain and if you want a good relationship with them, you'll have to learn to bite your tongue and look the other way. It's not worth the contention.

                        I know you go all out when hosting parties. I'm with you and I do the same as I am my mother's daughter, the epitome of warm hospitality. Not everyone is the same and just know you and I can save face knowing we observe our happy guests' faces as they chow down on our delicious food provided specifically for them. This is what brings us happiness and joy.

                        I agree, delicious food is the entertainment. My former colleague said the same long ago.

                        It pains me whenever I'm at my sister's awful parties. Guests fought traffic to arrive, traveled far and wide, brought generous amounts of cash and gifts for her daughter's graduation and she fed everyone limited portions of crappy slop. That's her though and thank God I didn't know her guests from Adam. I did my part with bringing huge side dishes and left eventually. She's not embarrassed nor ashamed. She knew her daughter received a ton of cash, gift cards and gifts despite feeding her guests crap. Not that I say her behavior is excusable because it is not but I understand a little bit about her situation though. Even though she resides in a $1.6 mil house with a gorgeous kitchen, she does not live near any grocery stores, gas stations, drug stores or places you need to go to for errands. She lives out in the sticks. It's extremely inconvenient for her to shop and if she takes care of errands, it takes her all day. With 3 kids, it's very inconvenient because it requires a lot of driving out of her subdivision. It takes her 15 minutes just to drive out of her neighborhood. I can see why she wants to always take the convenient route. I on the other hand, live nearby everything which is very convenient for me. Due to distance and travel, some people's lives are inconvenienced because nothing is nearby. Therefore, they will take the easy way out whether it's going cheap with home entertaining or eating out all the time.

                        Believe me, I'm a true "Martha Stewart" at heart and I loved to home entertain, too. I'm tired though. Been there done that for so many years. I've since joined the club regarding convenience and simply meeting people a few times a year at restaurants. It works. The only time I pull out all the stops is for the holidays. Other than that, I don't sweat. I've since become realistic and practical not to mention if others lack enthusiasm to home entertain, so will I. I don't believe in people doing all the taking while I do all the giving. I don't enjoy being taken for granted nor taken advantage of so I don't knock myself out anymore.

                        Yes, I think you should reconnect with that group. Dinner parties, potlucks and the like are fun.

                        This is a new era we're living in. Most women are employed outside the home so time is limited. Back in the old days at church potlucks, socials, picnics or even family time, home cooked food was the norm. People are very busy, have jobs and when they have time, they're too tired to even fathom menu planning, grocery shopping, cooking and clean up. It's too overwhelming so they eat out or order take out a lot. It's all about convenience and saving time.

                        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Mary I didn't mean to only refer to women. Men are very busy with their jobs, too so eating out, buying convenience food or ordering take out is the norm nowadays. Or, people cook, eat leftovers, pack their lunches and save money this way. As far as socializing, it's about convenience and saving time even at the expense of not doing it the old-fashioned way with home entertaining and home cooked meals. Usually people want no fuss no muss. It's the sign of the times.
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                          • #14
                            If you are familiar enough with someone to be invited to their home for an event , then surely you could ask to borrow a sweater and pair of socks? Or a throw to put over your shoulders or knees?

                            If you arenít that familiar , then why are you invited? And why did you accept?
                            Are these fake friends or what?
                            Or a book club or church group or something like that? Where you only have one thing in common and nothing else and therefore no friendship?

                            To me , going to a friends house for a small gathering is making yourself at home in theirs. And vice versa.
                            I donít think there is an etiquette rule when hanging out with people you love to hang out with.
                            My friends can help themselves to my fridge if they want , if they bring a guest unknown to me I will make sure they are catered to of course.

                            This is all sounds very uptight to me!?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                              She wouldn't have turned the heating up even if you had asked her. She sounds like the sort of snotty woman that don't like to spend a single penny if they dont have to. The simple answer here is if you don't like going there, don't.
                              She's actually a very nice lady, and I enjoy going there, I just didn't like having to sit in an ice box. I was surprised she didn't turn on the heat, but some people are like that. They don't want to turn on the heat in the winter or the AC in the summer, regardless of how uncomfortable they or their guests are.

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