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Should I go on holidays

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  • Should I go on holidays

    I've planned to go on holidays to Hawaii (I'm Australian) for a week with my cousin who has never been overseas before. My Mum has just let me know that her cancer has returned and she is going into hospital to have it removed whilst I'm away. My mum is 76 and this is her third surgery for it in 3 years. She is only tiny but healthy. My dilemma is should I go?

  • #2
    twip If it were my mother, I'd be in the hospital waiting room while she had her cancer removed just for moral support and because I'm the daughter. Same with my brother and sister.

    Since your mother is 76 years old, her health is fragile. I think you should remain with your mother for peace of mind. I couldn't enjoy myself in the garden isle while she's "under the knife" but that's just me.

    Or, ask your mother what she wants. If she prefers that you go and have a good vacation while she's on the operating table, then go to Hawaii. If she prefers to know you're nearby in the hospital waiting room, then respect her wishes and be with her.

    She's old and time is limited here on this Earth. Spend as much time with your mother as possible. She has lived longer than you and you have decades to vacation in Hawaii IMHO.


    • #3
      If you were undergoing cancer surgery how would you feel if your child wasn't around?


      • #4
        I agree. My Mum and Uncle told me to go. My dad was adamant I was to go but in my heart I couldn't. I was in the middle of telling my cousin I wasn't going when I got a call from my dad to say they had a cancellation and my mother was having the op this week. All going well we will be going to Hawaii. Thank you for your help.


        • #5
          The reason I was asking was my families adamant opposition to me not going.


          • #6
            You should ask yourself: what can't you live with? Which of the 2 worst case scenario's sounds worse to you?
            a) You miss out on your holiday to Hawai´, possibly lose a lot of money you've already paid and disappoint your cousin
            b) You go, but something goes wrong with your mom's surgery and she doesn't make it or there are bad complications. She may pass away while you're far away and unable to say goodbye.

            Which one seems to cost you more? Which is the one you can't live with?


            • #7
              Why are you even questioning it? Are you that shallow? You must be if you cant decide what's more important. You shouldn't even have to think about it. Any normal and decent person would be right there with their mother and not give a shit about any holiday. You seriously have you priorities messed up.
              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


              • #8
                Originally posted by twip View Post
                The reason I was asking was my families adamant opposition to me not going.
                My mother didn't want me to spend so much of my time in the hospital with her either. She needed to know that the rest of us were going on with our lives and lived through us. I wouldn't pay attention to the harsh judgments towards you. I'm glad things worked out in the end. It's emotionally draining and cancer is a very ugly disease. I hope your mum comes out of this stronger and remember to take a lot of photos and share them with her if she wants to see them.


                • #9
                  twip You do what you want to do. Think of yourself and your mother though. If you were an old mother with cancer on the operating table, wouldn't you want your daughter or son waiting for you in the waiting room? Wouldn't you want their moral support or would you prefer that your daughter or son is overseas, half way around the world, faraway, different time zones away, etc.? If it's ok with you, then go.

                  When it comes to serious family matters, family is everything. Personally, I would never forgive myself if my mother died on the operating table while I was faraway and couldn't get back to her in time while she was ALIVE but that's just me. You know your mother better than the rest of us. If she wants you to have a good time and doesn't mind your being faraway, then you should go to Hawaii but keep in mind you'll have a heck of a lot more opportunities for sun 'n surf more than your mother because she has LESS time left on this Earth than you. I'm just saying . . .

                  If your mother's surgery were minor and if she was still relatively young, then go but since she is elderly, physically weak, dealing with cancer and surgery, it is a fragile state.

                  Think about it and put things into perspective. Stand back and look at your situation.