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Ay my wits end.

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  • Ay my wits end.

    Sorry for the lengtH if this post. . we raised two children. Boy/ Girl who are both in mud 40s. Our son. Wife Abdul children live outside of the country . Leaving us with daughter , son in awzabd grandchild in the country . Ourson was always easy m happy. His sister was the total opposite. Demanding, never happy , whinny, nothing u could doqoujd make her happy. Her and her dagger was always fairly close. He was never the affectionate , lively missy father, had his children 10 years too early, but loved them both deeply . Father and daughter got along very well growing up but when she became a teenager she started to dyskinesia her father and made no secret nor tried to hide it. She would never tell us why . Cliesest we ever got dshe would say He was never a father to her. They used to go skiing together, played tennis together . He taught her how to drive a car. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. She just didn't like him she told me not long ago. She didn't like his opinisted, temoreme tal and argumentative ways. All she could see was the negative side of him, She didbt see a kind, dependable, great provider, didn't abuse alcohol , beaver smoked or did drugs . She never saw the man who was a family nan who enjoyed camping with his family for weeks ipevert sumner . She didn't see or acknowledge any of his attributes , only his flaws.

    She marrued a man from a very very bad family. Divorce , abuse, mental disease. And completely disfunctional. My son in law had no respect whatsoever fir his parents, mother especially. So you put our son in law with his issues with parents and our daughter with her issues with her father , it spelled duaster fir her father. She wouldn't ket him walk her down the austere. Embarras died and humiliated, he took it with dignity. There was no fuss. Since they got married, our son in law became estranged from his mother and very recent with his father and only sibling. My daughter was instrumental in the mothers estrangement and somewhat in his fathers and brothers.

    Tbey have ine child who has never seen his other grandmother, and very little to do with his uncle and other grandfather, now there us no contact. We had a huge argument , accused her father of saying something that the son in law took exception with. It was meant to be funny. Everyone else laughed except him. We were given an u,timatim, apologize or we were no longer welcome. We walked away. It was the most oainful time of our lives. My husband suhhered a heart attack due to all the stress, I suffered multiple. Health issues. She just didn't care. Her response when she was told her father was in emergency , wired up to everything. Was. He did it to himself. He gets no sympathies from me. We were cut off from our only grandchild has punishment fir being too argumentative. After two years by some miracle we reunited. Totally iniated by us.

    We were doing really well . They came to stay with us for two days over Christmas . Our eight year old grandchild, is over indulged, obnoxious, Rude Disruptive flew into a tantrum, went int bedroom , slammed door so hard it split the facing from top to bottom. Our daughter just laughed . Being with a child who we love but find his behaviour intolerable , we reached our breaking point . No apologies for breaking the door , nothing said to discipline tgemral child . My husband finally list his cool. Said to our daughter "can't you duscipline your child any better than that. . He said In husband temper , I will talk any way I want to you. I cringed when he said it No excuse but it was said due to stressed to the max. They packed up and she was crying. My husband alologized to our son in law which he accepted , he texted our daughter , tried to explain his actions, he apolozied and toke her speech loved her. Weeks jester she has never accepted husapoligy and gas no intention of doing so. My husband us decanted, depressed , nit sleeping. He's totally beside himself.

    im angry at him fir what he said , but I understand why it happened. We were finally naming sine inriads with our daughter, that's all gone to muck now. Many times I toured to reason with her, she's having none of it. She's completely done with him now nd her father knows it. I'm caught in the middle. my husband does that know why she despises him fir all these years. Why did I say to her. What did I ever do to her. ? For both of them to sit and talk would be disasterous. It's like she enjoys punishing him , Myself and her inlawsx when we step out of line. Family Who she feels is toxic to her, are easily disposable. . Family has no value . She is always the victim who shies no empathy , no understanding of the other side. She's ruining our recent retirement. 3 out of 4 years in disoaircand a great deal of pain.

    Last edited by Behappy; January 12th, 2019, 07:15 PM. Reason: How do I move on to be completely happy on the last chapter of my life with a daughter whose capable of despising her own father. Line this.

  • #2
    Behappy There are times when estrangement is the only way you'll attain peace with no more arguments and fighting. It's not optimal but many times estrangement is the only way to enforce healthy boundaries for everyone.

    Perhaps if you give it lots of time, space and patience, they'll come around and reach out to you. If not, then waited it out for however long you must and allow everyone to simmer down. Either they'll initiate or the relationship is incompatible and won't work out.

    For now give both sides lots of time and space or a long break from each other. Mature people will think things through and want to resolve it fairly. Immature people will simply ignore and won't care about sustaining the relationship at all. I say go with the flow. If they come around and own up to their share of the downfall, great and if they don't approach you, then go your own way and live your own lives without them.


    • #3
      Can you please re-read your post and edit because I cannot read it. You have a mountain of spelling mistakes and typos that I cannot understand a single thing. It's a huge mess.
      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


      • #4
        Just let it be for now. When we don't get along with family, it feels like there's a hole inside of all of us. That's normal and it's not natural but it's something that we all go through in some form at some point of our lives whether we're angsty kids or grown adults with long-held misgivings. There is always a hole left behind by ruptured or dysfunctional family relationships. Your husband and you do need to try to find peace and overcome this and he needs to forgive himself as a father. He may have a lot of misgivings and regrets about his parenting (don't we all) and she might too. Your role is not to add more push and pull. Your role is to be supportive and allow the father-daughter relationship to play itself out. If he felt it was necessary to make a comment about his misbehaving grandson, he is entitled to that. You have to respect that as his wife or even as a fellow human being. Don't let your own selfish desires to patch the relationship up get in the way. Support your husband but try to remain as transparent and neutral as possible. You're not there to add to the grief. That is not your role. Don't get lost in it either and remember to grow yourself in your marriage and in your new-found retirement and new freedom in this next part of your lives. Look up, not down. Forward, not backwards.