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Should I apologise or forget about it?

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  • Should I apologise or forget about it?

    This is a bit of a long one, sorry!

    *names used are not real, for privacy reasons.*

    So last March, I moved out of a student house and in with my partner.

    I was living with 3 girls who I was very close with, there was some tension between Hayley and Claire, for their own personal reasons which did have affect on the rest of us. Heidi, became bitchy, two faced about Hayley. Heidi was the type of person that what she says is correct but what she says also rubs off on you. Claire had every right to not want to be as close to Hayley, but i was fed up of them leaving her out of things, bitching, two faced. So i said I was done with it and to not do it around me, I had no reason not to not like her, I got along very well.

    This created a weird atmosphere between Heidi, Claire and I. Heidi almost didn't speak to me, as if she had nothing left to say, I realised after i left all she ever really did was talk about people. Claire tended to follow in her footsteps, I don't think she realised it, but she had spoke to me about her negativity in the past and this began to rub off on her. So i just left things for a while, worked, stayed in my room - there was a lot of family problems at the time, so i wasn't up for socialising anyway.

    So when it came to moving out, I was planning on moving out in May, but I found a house in February. I was no longer a student and hated the student life and paying for full rent that i couldnt afford by myself. So when we found the house, i either had to keep paying rent or find someone to move in to my room.

    I knew this would be hard as it was near the end of the year and i wouldnt do it without it being okay with the girls. I had a lightbulb moment and remembered a close friend that moved home a couple of months before, and regretted it. So i sent a message asking if he could move back, would he and explained what i was thinking about, they all get along very well and he practically lived there etc.. He couldn't which was fine but he suggested someone that could so he said he would find out their plans.
    I hadn't mentioned to the girls yet that i had done this as i knew for a start it wouldnt have happened, i wanted to test the water before telling them. It was the next morning, i sent a message to the group chat (everyone was out) explaining what i might possibly be doing.

    HELLLLL broke loose, they had seen the other possible friend that could have moved in and they had talked about it. Hayley was completely fine with it from the beginning, she knew i had to for financial reasons and my own sanity.
    The other 2 said i "went behind their back, didnít ask permission for someone to move in etc.." which i never intended to, the conversation i had with our mutual friend just happened very fast and i didnt realise word had spread. So Heidi basically said "do what you want, just know that I am done, you've been a friend" because apparently i never asked how she was a few times when she was in a bad mood etc.. when it was both of us. I had gone through horrible family issues and spent a lot of my time in my room or working constantly and she did not once ask about, so it was a two way thing.

    Claire and I got in a heated argument and both said things to each other, I had tweeted saying something about finding a house and hash tagged "so long (name of street" which was not in anyway pointed towards them, i was just happy to get out of student housing. She took this as a dig at her, so that is how we began arguing and some of it i would definitely apologise for. However I believe if it wasn't for Heidi, I reckon me and Claire would have became friends again, or she would have understood eventually.

    It has been almost a year, I have found that Claire and Hayley no longer really speak. It is eating me up, I don't want to apologise to Claire for moving out, for trying to find the best solution for myself. I just want to let go of this "grudge" that i have. I will never speak to Hayley again, but I feel I should clear the air and apologise for how I reacted and things i said, I haven't because I was angry for a long time and didn't want to seem "weak" i guess? like a pride thing but I am over that.. I just don't even know where to start.. What would you do or say?

    I know this sounds a bit complicated, i have shortened it to the best i can, there is far more. Sorry if it makes no sense at all! I know it all sounds so immature and playground talk, but that is exactly what came of it and not what i intended, so i just want to put it to rest.

  • #2
    It is complicated. Nonetheless, it's never wrong to apologize for the things you regret doing. Don't do it with the intention of getting something in return or expecting the other to accept it. Just do it because you owe it the other, and yourself, to acknowledge that you may have hurt them.

    If you feel you owe something to make reparations, then you can offer that as well.

    Good luck


    • #3
      Why did you feel you needed to get opinions on you apologising for your behaviour towards another?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Personally they just sound like spoiled bitches. All you wanted to do was get out of student housing and even helped by finding some e to take over your spot so they wouldn't struggle. But they treated you like shit for it. I don't see anything you need to apologise for.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          jess79 If you want to reconcile with any of them and rekindle your relationships, then be humble and apologize. It sounds like they're unstable and why would you want to resume a relationship with them anyway?

          If those relationships / friendships are over, move on and don't look back. You don't need them in your life and you're better off without them or any of them for that matter. Good riddance!


          • #6
            Why are you looking so far back to a not-so-fond/peaceful time in your life? Is everything ok with your partner and you? Are your living arrangements stable right now or are you looking for a back up in case you need to move out? I'd like to understand your motives a bit better. If Claire is the only person you're interested in speaking to and you trusted her before, I don't see anything wrong with speaking with her and writing a short note asking her how she's doing and mentioning that you are sorry for the way things ended when you moved out. Be clear that you respect her wishes if she doesn't wish to keep in touch with you or anyone from back then and end the note in a positive way.

            After that, carry on like normal and don't wait for a response. You did your part and you apologized and touched base. Don't expect people to extend the same graces. Enjoy your life now. If you are in a tight spot or are not sure about the living arrangements with your partner, I don't suggest moving back with either of these individuals. Stand on your own two feet even if it's a much smaller rental.