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What do you look for in a best friend?

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  • What do you look for in a best friend?

    Have you ever had a best friend? Do you currently still have one? What are the necessary requirements for someone to become your best friend, as opposed to a regular friend? Do they have to be available for you whenever you need emotional and financial support? Do the two of you have to agree about everything and support each other all the time?

  • #2
    Yes, it's my husband. Of course he is there for emotional and financial support but we don't lean on each other for it. We do not agree about everything and we support each other depending on the circumstances. I believe the requirements for friendships are fairly basic: remain genuine and truthful, honour each other and don't be a douche.

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    • #3

      Lucian Hodoboc Yes, I've been extremely blessed to have a best friend ever since I was 9 years old or in the 4th grade! My friend and her mom 'n pop 'n apple pie life provided a respite during my tumultuous childhood. My best friend and her family were the only glimmers I had in my youth. I had never forgotten.

      My requirements for a best friend are loyalty, longevity, consistency, respect, trust, integrity, graciousness, poise, sense of logic and reasoning and all virtues we hold dear. My best friend and I were close as children. Fortunately, we remained local, maintained ties during adulthood, she was my maid-of-honor, hosted my bridal shower, brought home cooked meals when I brought my infant sons home from the hospital, gave me wise counsel when I needed it and we get together about once a month on a regular basis. We take walks and dine out for lunch. Sometimes the 4 of us including our husbands go out for dinner but usually it's just my best friend and I every month.

      My best friend is there for emotional support and I for her. However, we don't help each other out financially since we never cross that line. Unfortunately, money support (lending / borrowing) can actually hinder or ruin friendships. My friendship endured with her because we've always treated each other with utmost grace, maturity, poise, courtesy, humility and respect.

      My best friend's father passed away recently so I gave her and her mother's household home cooked meals several times in addition to live orchids, money and my time. I helped at the post funeral buffet by providing entrees and desserts. She can count on me.

      I have regular friends and acquaintances in my life as well as "Good Time Charlies." Those are the types of friends who enjoy being with you when your life is gravy but when you're in a desperate situation, they won't have your back.

      Aside from my best friend from childhood, my husband is my best friend. We don't always agree about everything but at least we treat each other with respect.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        Trust, honesty and respect, basically, as all other things come from these.

        My best friend (and the only one I consider a real friend) and I are different in many aspects (she is a married woman, with two daughters, I'm a single male; she is a relatively devout Christian, I'm an atheist; she prefers Latin dance songs, I'm into Heavy Metal; she smokes, I do not; she drinks, I do not; she likes to party, I prefer to be on my own; etc.), but we have full trust in each other and respect each others opinions.

        We do support each other when needed (the last time was on Saturday, at work (we are work colleagues), when I was feeling bad and needed a little emotional support. We don't provide financial support because we don't have the capacity, being work colleagues has that problem, when the company is not doing that great (as has been the case this year) we both suffer financially, so we cannot really help each other, and I don't know how her husband would react if they needed it (as they do now) and I could help them, as I don't know him that well.

        Edited because I forgot honesty, sometimes thinking in a different language makes it difficult to remember all we want to say.
        Last edited by GrizzlyBear; December 9th, 2018, 02:59 PM.

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        • #5
          Yes, honesty is another great virtue. I forgot to write that one down but yes, I agree with GrizzlyBear . I guess I have a tall order when it comes to "best friends" or favorite people in my life. While I love honesty, of course, I also appreciate tact and grace in combination with honesty from my best friend and loved ones.

          I know some "honest" people in my life and while honesty is all well and good, if they LACK respectful interpersonal skills and the intelligence to remember how to behave with consideration in mind, then I keep my safe distance from them permanently. I love honesty like no other but it's not always what you say but how you say it otherwise it could rub people the wrong way. However, I agree, honesty, trust, respect is how people want to be treated.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            I'd say for me the most important thing I look for is someone who challenges me. I find most people I meet just go along with whatever I say. Sometimes I say stuff that goes completely against my morals and beliefs just to see if they will challenge me. If you test people like this and they call you out on whatever craziness you just fed them then they are a true and reliable friend. It's very easy to test people like this and you'll be able to weed out the weak from the useful I'd say.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Former Baby View Post
              I'd say for me the most important thing I look for is someone who challenges me. I find most people I meet just go along with whatever I say. Sometimes I say stuff that goes completely against my morals and beliefs just to see if they will challenge me. If you test people like this and they call you out on whatever craziness you just fed them then they are a true and reliable friend. It's very easy to test people like this and you'll be able to weed out the weak from the useful I'd say.
              This seems very manipulative and unnecessary. I'm curious - why do you feel the need to test people or why are you so easily bothered by people agreeing with you? Have you been deceived badly in the past?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Former Baby View Post
                I'd say for me the most important thing I look for is someone who challenges me. I find most people I meet just go along with whatever I say.
                That's one of the reasons honesty is important, a honest person will give you their honest opinion about whatever you say.

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                • #9
                  I don't play that game of people testing me and seeing how far they can go or get away with how much I'm willing tolerate especially if they're disrespectful. Also, I'm all for honesty but when it crosses the line to the point of lacking tact, graciousness and consideration in mind, I'm out and it's a done deal.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Former Baby View Post
                    I'd say for me the most important thing I look for is someone who challenges me. I find most people I meet just go along with whatever I say. Sometimes I say stuff that goes completely against my morals and beliefs just to see if they will challenge me. If you test people like this and they call you out on whatever craziness you just fed them then they are a true and reliable friend. It's very easy to test people like this and you'll be able to weed out the weak from the useful I'd say.
                    The weak from the useful??
                    By that I can only assume you are weak and not useful.
                    Just because people overlook your ridiculous statements , does not mean they are weak. They may simply have bigger battles in their life and canít be bothered with dealing with you.
                    A strong person picks their battles. And letís the insignificant things slide , like your lies.

                    Your statement seems to stem from low self esteem.

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                    • #11
                      I think Lucian Hodoboc and Former Baby are the same person
                      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                        Also, I'm all for honesty but when it crosses the line to the point of lacking tact, graciousness and consideration in mind, I'm out and it's a done deal.
                        Yes, that's why I included "respect" on my (short) list.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by GrizzlyBear View Post

                          Yes, that's why I included "respect" on my (short) list.
                          Absolutely GrizzlyBear As long as people are treated with respect and dignity it's fine. The problem is a lot of times respect and dignity are lacking and it turns into "emotional and unreasonable" and goes downhill fast. Been there done that and never again.
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                          • #14
                            My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Everything was great. I love her madly. But the unexpected happened ... because of what I am very ashamed in front of her. I realized that I was gay and I was not interested in more women in terms of sex. I don't want to hurt her. Although she caught me when I watched these videos Asian free gay videos. I am not ready to admit to her anyway. It will be a great shock for her ... I do not know what to do. Tell me, give advice.
                            Last edited by Maggiemay4791; December 19th, 2018, 08:31 AM.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ugicalal View Post
                              My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Everything was great. I love her madly. But the unexpected happened ... because of what I am very ashamed in front of her. I realized that I was gay and I was not interested in more women in terms of sex. I don't want to hurt her. Although she caught me when I watched these videos Asian free gay videos. I am not ready to admit to her anyway. It will be a great shock for her ... I do not know what to do. Tell me, give advice.
                              You need to create your own thread. But i will tell you that the longer you put off telling her the worse and harder it will be.
                              Last edited by Maggiemay4791; December 19th, 2018, 08:32 AM.
                              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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