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should I pay towards a party

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  • should I pay towards a party

    My ex wife ad I have a son together, I pay my child support and have since remarried.. outside of child support my ex has never asked me to contribute towards anything in the few years we have separated and divorced and I enjoy regular staying contact with my son. my ex has now asked if I will contribute up to half for our sons 11th birthday coming up, she is also remarried.. the party will be at a trampoline place with food and about 10 of his friends.. at about $20 a head..

    My wife thinks my ex has a cheek to ask and is scrounging.. she thinks I should not be contributing and instead should be focusing on my new family, past the child support payments..

    my wife has a child with a previous and has asked him to help contribute towards her sons driving lessons which he will be old enough for next year.. so I don't see the difference between my ex asking for help for her and my sons birthday and my new wife asking her ex and father of their son for help towards something..

    thoughts??

  • #2
    Your wife is wrong, and quite frankly just being nasty. Its also not her business. Also sounds like she's insecure about your ex and resents the fact that you still have contact with her. By the sounds of it, if she had it her way, you would never see your son. This is not a supporting wife. My husband had a three year old son when i met him and i was fully supportive when his mother needed a bit of help paying for something for him. His son is 19 now and i adore him. Could not imagine him not being part of our family. Of course its reasonable of your ex to ask you to go halfs on a party. It is your sons birthday party. There is nothing wrong with that and it's not a cheek at all. He is as much yours as hers. This is something your wife will just have to get use to because this is only the beginning. When he gets older he'll have school trips that she may ask you to help out with, and these are not cheap. Your wife just needs to suck it up and accept it.
    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 6th, 2018, 09:10 AM.

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    • #3
      He's your son. If you can afford to contribute, you should do so cheerfully.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        Well I am obviously very happy to contribute and help towards his party, the finances in my new marriage are 50/50 neither of us make agreements on spending without the other, so this could get tricky.. for example my wife has a son and a daughter from her previous, my wife and I bought her daughter, my step daughter, a new mobile (second hand from a friend at my work, due to an upgrade, but new to us) for $125 (iPhone 6) my son who is the same age, 10 almost 11, as my step daughter has been asking for a phone too., my ex wife will not buy him one but has said she is happy if I want to buy him one, my new wife, says a big purchase like that should be up to my ex wife and her new husband, not us.. and refuses to entertain the conversation.. I do feel my son gets a raw deal from my new wife and I am beginning to quite cross about it..

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Treaders View Post
          Well I am obviously very happy to contribute and help towards his party, the finances in my new marriage are 50/50 neither of us make agreements on spending without the other, so this could get tricky.. for example my wife has a son and a daughter from her previous, my wife and I bought her daughter, my step daughter, a new mobile (second hand from a friend at my work, due to an upgrade, but new to us) for $125 (iPhone 6) my son who is the same age, 10 almost 11, as my step daughter has been asking for a phone too., my ex wife will not buy him one but has said she is happy if I want to buy him one, my new wife, says a big purchase like that should be up to my ex wife and her new husband, not us.. and refuses to entertain the conversation.. I do feel my son gets a raw deal from my new wife and I am beginning to quite cross about it..

          I'm sorry but your current wife is very selfish. Why should your son be any different to her daughter? She's not even YOUR daughter. What is so tricky about buying your son a phone when you bought HER daughter one? Your wife is trying to squeeze him out of your life by insinuating he is less important than your new family. She doesn't like him because she feels threatened by him. Please don't let her come between you and your son. Buy him whatever you want. You don't need HER permission.
          Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 6th, 2018, 09:49 AM.

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          • #6
            Then, Treaders, your real problem is with your wife. Do your wife's children live with you? Then I'm thinking that you contribute to their upkeep by helping to house, clothe, and feed them above what their father contributes. If you have to argue with your wife about a few dollars to help your son's birthday, that is a serious red flag. Maybe it's time for a 'come to Jesus' session with her.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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            • #7
              Yes my wife's children live with us.. my step daughter calls me dad, my step son does not, he is older and it's trickier for him.. but yes, they do live with my wife and me..

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              • #8
                Your wife is being incredibly unfair.
                I can see why you're feeling upset about it. Don't let her push you around though. You want to be there for your son and contribute, and you should. Even if that means putting your wife in her place and putting your foot down.
                If that means you start separating your income for a while and you each take care of your own children only, so be it.
                You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                • #9
                  what's compounding things is when we set a budget for the children at Christmas she agreed an amount, went over it.. and then when I pointed out her daughter, had almost $200 spent on her and the boys had yet not had anything she replied by saying, "I don't know if you think it's right that you spend the same on all? As they are all different ages with different ideas of what they would like and how much they'd like."

                  I know inside myself that actually she wants and thinks my son should get less based on the 2 conversations I have posted you above..she definitely favors her children over my son, yet I am expected to treat them all the same, in fact I am expected to put her children, due to them living with us, above my own it seems, who lives away only visiting at fortnightly intervals.

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                  • #10
                    Then grow a pair. Be firm, put your foot down. What she expects is wrong. Do you want your son to resent you one day because he felt pushed out and made to feel worthless by you and your wife? Because that's what will happen. Please don't put children that aren't even yours above the one that is.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                      Then grow a pair. Be firm, put your foot down. What she expects is wrong. Do you want your son to resent you one day because he felt pushed out and made to feel worthless by you and your wife? Because that's what will happen. Please don't put children that aren't even yours above the one that is.
                      This has all been the last few days.. not over a long period of time.. just the last week..

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                      • #12
                        Treaders, either be a man and straighten this out or stop whining like a beta male. What's wrong with you?
                        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Treaders View Post

                          This has all been the last few days.. not over a long period of time.. just the last week..

                          All the more reason to put your foot down now and tell her straight how it's going to be. Nip it in the bud or she will get worse and eventually she will stop him visiting you or you visiting him altogether.
                          Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 6th, 2018, 12:17 PM.

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                          • #14
                            I'm not sure what's the matter. I'm sorry. This is $200? Pay the whole thing. It's your son. Let it go. He won't have many birthday parties soon. I don't think this has much to do with your current wife but you should talk about it with her and relax a bit when you explain things. She may be anxious about something else and it's transposing onto this situation. Have you and your (now) wife ever argued about finances? Normally arguments don't start over $200. This seems like a pre-existing issue.

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                            • #15
                              Treaders Your wife's children reside with you whom you feed and house. Yes, pay 1/2 towards your son's 11th birthday party. If you must, crunch the numbers and show your wife how unfair and unjust she is. Be adamant and don't allow her to push you around. She's manipulating you and of course, she favors her children over yours. Her sentiment will never change and will last forever.
                              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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