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My Godmother disowned me

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  • My Godmother disowned me

    Me and my Godmother were so close to each other. She and her husband don't have child(ren). She treat me as her real daughter, however, her husband doesn't like me (he doesn't like anyone from my Godmother's side. And the reason why he doesn't like me is because one night i was sick, my godmother look after me so that she back to home late, and she didn t cook dinner for him.). At the end of Oct, it was in a early morning, my Godmother told me that she wants to take a break from our relationahip as she has to fix the issue with her husband, and it might take couple of months or couple of years (we cant see each other) until her husband is willing to talk to her. Also she told me that her husband doesn't like our relationship, doesnt like me (he said im a bullsh!t). I was so upset and emotional. At that time, I was only concerned about why she wants to abandon me. So I shouted at her and questioned her. Then she said if I don't want to step back, she will disown me. However, I didn't listen to her, I kept emotionally pushing her, pushing her away. Then she cut off ties with me, she deleted me from social media, blocked my number. When I was in hospital, she didn't visit me and rejected to attend family meeting. She and her husband told my doctor that they don't want this relationship and they don't want to talk to me. I really want to say sorry to my godmother, I wrote an apology letter to her, but I haven't post to her yet as she said she needs space. We haven't spoken/contact to each other already more than a month since the argument. I miss her so much, but I don't know what can/should I do...

  • #2
    There is nothing you can do at this point.

    If what you've written is true, then your godmother is in a toxic relationship with a man who is trying to control her and limit her social contact. Nobody can make her leave him until she realises that on her own.
    She may come to her senses and try to make things right with you, or worst case, she never will.
    It's out of your hands now.
    Give her the space she asked for and wait for her to come to you. Be patient. It may take a long time for her to come to her senses.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      Well, you have officially destroyed the relationship i'm afraid. She told she needed time to sort her asshat husband out so couldn't see you for a while (not couldn't see you again). But you behaved appallingly and treated her like shit for it. You acted like a complete spoiled brat and caused her to give up on you for good. I wouldn't put up with you behaving like that either. You need to accept that your relationship with her will never be again.
      Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 5th, 2018, 07:54 AM.

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      • #4
        Vic, there's something off about your reactions and you seem in severe unresolved pain. It seems to me that you have severe abandonment issues. Where are your parents? Have you lost them at an early age? Do you have any siblings? Your godmother seems to have been your caregiver up to an extent or offered you emotional support for a long time but you haven't worked on healthy emotional boundaries and respect (this seems to be broken or lost to you). You've latched onto her in a way that isn't normal. How is your health in general now? Are you still in and out of the hospital? You should be seeing a therapist or someone (not a family member) who can help you work through loss, grief, trauma and abandonment issues. You seem in pain to me, a lot of emotional and unresolved pain.

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        • #5
          VicBB09 The initial problem wasn't you. It's the jealous godmother's husband who is the problem. He does not want to share his wife with you because it means her attention is diverted away from him onto you. Example, time with you means she doesn't have time to have home cooked meals waiting for her husband. He wants his wife all to himself so his life is comfortable and sounds like he was spoiled with her cooking for him. You disrupted their routine which was met with his strong disapproval. He is king of his castle and she waits on him hand and foot. You are in the way and the more time and attention she gives you, the less time, attention and labor she has for her husband and household which he does not approve of. Hence, he is wielding his power in the marriage to kick you out of the picture however way he sees fit. He most likely protested to his wife, gave her ultimatums or a nasty fight over you. He feels threatened in that the quality of his life had been downgraded because his wife's full focus and concentration is not on him if she cares and tends to you. Your godmother has to choose sides, pick her battles and you lost. She has to prioritize her marriage first and you are less than secondary. It's the way marriage and life is sometimes. It's not your fault. Twos company three's a crowd.

          However, your fault came in the way you handled it. When she requested that you back off until she could think of a way to resume a relationship with you, you didn't leave her alone as she had requested. Instead, you pestered her to the point of her frustration and anger and that's where you blew it. You should have given her the time and space to sort her head out so she could figure out a way to still have time and energy for a relationship with you but you bothered her so much that you pushed her away. She couldn't handle and cope with your emotional immaturity. Therefore, she decided it was best to be estranged from you.

          Either she'll come around and rekindle her relationship with you someday or she'll have time for you after her husband dies.

          In the meantime, become a strong person within yourself. Take good care of your physical and mental health. Have a sense of purpose in life. When you have your act together, you're a winner in your own right. That's when you'll turn heads and attract others to you.

          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            Rose Mosse Thanks for your reply. My Godmother is my only family. I'm still in hospital, I spoke to psychiatrist, but he only tell me to move on, which I don't think is helpful to me. Also I've spoken to counsellors, some of them tell me to move on, others suggest me to post an apology letter to her then wait for her to make the move. I, personally, dont want to make things even worse. I know how bad I was, I really want to say sorry to her. But I don't know it is the good timing or not.

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            • #7
              Just respect the wishes of your godmother. Leave the letter for now. Get your life and your health on track. This is a silent way of you saying that you've got it together and it's safe for communication. I don't think reaching out now even to apologize is a good idea and I don't think you have recovered emotionally. I'd imagine you are still seeking validation and acceptance desperately, and want to be accepted back into their lives even if with an apology. This doesn't do anything for you in the long run. What you have to do is dust yourself off and really make changes in your life that help you grow stronger. When you feel stronger and less dependent on this relationship, then reach out but not before you've moved past this rut (whatever this is). The short answer is: No, this is not good timing.

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