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I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (and she got me back good)

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  • I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (and she got me back good)

    I'm a girl and in high school. Several months back, I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back. I know I shouldn't have, but I gave in to temptation. He said he was planning on breaking up with her anyway. Can't believe I fell for that.

    Anyway, when she found out about it, she and two of her friends cornered me in a bathroom at school and she attacked me. I fought back in self-defense and she got the worst of it. I actually broke her nose, but I swear I didn't mean to! I'd never been in a fight before and was just swinging wildly, not really aiming for anything in particular. It was just a lucky shot. No one else witnessed the fight and the three of them lied to the administration and said I started it. The principal called the cops and I was arrested.

    I was found guilty in court as they stuck to their story and said I threw the first punch. I don't have any priors, but that didn't stop the judge from sentencing me to 3 months in juvie. This all happened on Friday. Since I had a job, he gave me the weekend to resign and put my affairs in order. Today, I have to report to the county juvenile detention center to begin serving my sentence.

    Since the incident, I've had a lot of time to think. And since court, I've thought about this even more. I know I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with if I hadn't been such a sh*tty friend. I should never have gone out with her boyfriend and I feel bad about her nose, even after everything that's happened. I can't help but wonder if I'm getting my comeuppance here.

    I'm thinking of apologizing to her once I'm released. Part of me thinks this is nuts, as our friendship is probably beyond repair at this point. Part of me thinks I owe her regardless. I don't know....what do you all think?

    I've spent the whole weekend trying not to freak out about today. I've never been anyplace like juvie before, and I'm REALLY nervous. I can't believe I'll be celebrating my 17th birthday in jail. But I'm gonna try and deal with my time away as best I can. I definitely learned a lesson here.

    I know I probably won't get any replies before I leave later today, but I promise I'll read them all when I'm released. Thank you all in advance!


  • #2
    Did you have a lawyer??
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      Did you have a lawyer??
      Yeah, I had a lawyer.

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      • #4
        You broke her nose, ended up in jail and call it a lucky shot?
        If you didnít mean it , you would call it an unlucky shot that ended you up where you are.

        You did start the whole process (even if not the fight)
        You went out with a guy that said he was going to end it with your friend.
        Why not wait until he actually did??

        Your mistakes have cost you dearly. Never mind a criminal record.

        Focus on your mistakes and why you made them rather than try to patch a ďfriendshipĒ that was never sincere to begin with (after all you didnít care for it to begin with to betray it)

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        • #5
          Ever hear of "chicks before dicks?"

          Anyway, if this is a real story and not a troll post: Apologise to her if it will make you feel better. Just don't expect your apology to mean anything to her is all.

          P.S. You had a crappy lawyer. Does he/she plan on appealing?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            It's called karma. You brought it all on yourself and deserved what you got. You are no friend to go and betray her like that. I'd give her a wide birth. She won't want to see you.

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            • #7


              RandomGirl I'm sorry this happened to you and you're in juvie on your 17th birthday.

              No, I wouldn't apologize to her because you're not at fault. You were the one cornered in the school bathroom and she attacked you. Even though you went out with your friend's boyfriend behind her back, it doesn't mean you deserved to become a victim of aggression, violence and a physical altercation. In bad situations, there is a way to handle it and the perpetrator didn't have to resort to bullying, physical attacks and acting like an ogre. Some people have instant triggers, rage and lack emotional intelligence (EQ). Your attacker is some piece of work and mentally ill.

              Once you're released, put this past behind you and move forward. You don't owe her anything. I would recommend apologizing had you felt remorse IF you were NOT ambushed in the bathroom but since she cornered you, she is the bad one because she resorted to acting like an enraged madwoman. I don't believe you deserved this comeuppance. She could've approached you like a decent human being, had a calm discussion with you yet did not. She had to act like a hoodlum which was uncalled for.

              I'm not saying you weren't in the wrong for dating the guy behind your friend's back. I'm saying you didn't deserve to be cornered and physically attacked.

              Start thinking of how you can start your life over again. Once you are released, begin by surrounding yourself with stable, solid, moral, very decent human beings who are role models and a mentally healthy influence on you. Your friends are your future. You can turn your life around. All you can do is learn from past mistakes and become wiser as you navigate your life from this day forward. All is not doom and gloom. Chin up. This too shall pass. You will start anew and you will have brighter days ahead.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                chanelle, wow that was quite an attack on a girl who was betrayed by her so-called friend. Calling her mentally ill is a very out of order and nasty thing to say. She is not mentally ill, she's a pissed off girl and rightly so. The op caused ALL of what happened.

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                • #9
                  Dazed & Confused Anyone who resorts to very aggressive, physical violence is mentally ill because mentally sound people think before they get physical; especially backing a person into a corner. A mentally sound person thinks that the calmer approach would've been to approach a person with a discussion, have an intelligent conversation and somehow seek a resolution in the most peaceful manner. A highly charged person who lacks emotional intelligence (EQ) is mentally sick and something is not right in the head because normal people don't act deranged.

                  Even though the OP was wrong for dating her friend's boyfriend behind her back, she did not deserve to be cornered and ambushed in the bathroom. The OPs wrongdoing did not warrant being backed into a corner. The perpetrator took it too far and whenever there is an unreasonable response such as cornering a person, yes, there is something wrong in the perpetrator's brain and there's an underlying mental disorder. You cannot reason with them if your life depended upon it. You could if you were dealing with an emotionally intelligent person but if they lack empathy, it's nothing but an effort in futility.

                  My story isn't the same but unfortunately, I've had experience in this arena.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                  • #10
                    chanelle So you're saying anyone who gets pissed off is mentally sick? That would make every person on the planet mentally sick in that case. When you are REALLY pissed off, it's quite difficult to find the calm and peace, especially when a so-called friend fooled around with your boyfriend. Any woman would have the same reaction if it was done to them. What you don't seem to take into consideration is that they are high school girls, young and hot headed. Full of raging hormones and bitchiness.
                    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; October 27th, 2018, 08:09 PM.

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                    • #11
                      Dazed & Confused Unfortunately, yes, there is something wrong with the brain when it doesn't think rationally. Cornering someone is inciting and provoking and no matter what, it is uncalled for and yes, there is something very mentally wrong in the head. I never said fooling around with your boyfriend was right. However, there is no excuse to corner someone because there's an unfair advantage; they're trapped with no way to escape. Then having to defend yourself due to that trap winds up in a hot mess; a broken nose in this case. Anyone who engages in that type of cowardly warfare behavior is not right in the head no matter what their fury. As mentioned previously, I would not feel the way I do had these types of incidents happened due to some personal experience and different story but same parallels. You can't "deal" with people like this. When you're infuriated, you don't resort to cornering someone. Yes, you need to exercise self-control no matter how upset you are and find calm and peace within yourself so you can try resolving issues with maturity and of sound mind. Any woman would not have the same reaction. Any man (or woman) who has renounced the use of reasoning is like administering medicine to the dead.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                        Dazed & Confused Unfortunately, yes, there is something wrong with the brain when it doesn't think rationally. Cornering someone is inciting and provoking and no matter what, it is uncalled for and yes, there is something very mentally wrong in the head. I never said fooling around with your boyfriend was right. However, there is no excuse to corner someone because there's an unfair advantage; they're trapped with no way to escape. Then having to defend yourself due to that trap winds up in a hot mess; a broken nose in this case. Anyone who engages in that type of cowardly warfare behavior is not right in the head no matter what their fury. As mentioned previously, I would not feel the way I do had these types of incidents happened due to some personal experience and different story but same parallels. You can't "deal" with people like this. When you're infuriated, you don't resort to cornering someone. Yes, you need to exercise self-control no matter how upset you are and find calm and peace within yourself so you can try resolving issues with maturity and of sound mind. Any woman would not have the same reaction. Any man (or woman) who has renounced the use of reasoning is like administering medicine to the dead.
                        They are teenagers not grown up women.
                        Just because they havenít matured yet , doesnít make them mentally ill.
                        Going with a girlfriends guy isnít mature behaviour either ,so by your conclusions the OP is also mentally ill. Where was her self control?

                        The OP claims she was attacked. I donít believe that. I believe she threw the first and only punch and not simply waving her arms around wildly as she claims because that would not result in a broken nose.

                        She was cornered and i reckon at most had a shove on the shoulder in order to get her to speak up. Perhaps even put in a position where she could have apologised at that point.
                        Self detence 1 against 3 does not end up in one of the 3 suffering a broken nose and the OP coming out unscathed.
                        Sure she was intimidated but the OP was the attacker.

                        She didnt end up in Juvie innocent.

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                        • #13
                          Maggiemay4791 Whether teenagers or grown up women, there's still no excuse to act out like that. No matter what the OP did, it still didn't warrant her to be backed into a corner because that's entrapment. There's nowhere to run if you're caught in a triangle between your back to the wall, two walls and the perpetrator in front of her. She didn't deserve to be trapped like that. Sure, I believe in settling the matter but I don't believe in a confrontation when backed into a corner.

                          No matter what, violence is wrong and to be incited and provoked is also wrong. Self defense and ending up with a broken nose is sad but it is what it is.

                          The whole thing is rather unfortunate.

                          I just know from personal experience to stay away from people who are off, volatile, weird, odd and avoid unreasonable, impulsive, highly emotionally charged types. And, whenever there is a pattern of out-of-whack behavior, it stems from various mental disorders. To clarify, not mental hospital stuff but mental disorders whether it's narcissism, sociopathic tendencies, gaslighters, low EQ, etc. for which there is no cure, unfortunately. It's really sad because it stems from somewhere whether unstable upbringing, broken homes, dysfunction, mental / physical abuse, your painful past and it runs the gamut.

                          I wish the OP all the best!
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                            Maggiemay4791 Whether teenagers or grown up women, there's still no excuse to act out like that. No matter what the OP did, it still didn't warrant her to be backed into a corner because that's entrapment. There's nowhere to run if you're caught in a triangle between your back to the wall, two walls and the perpetrator in front of her. She didn't deserve to be trapped like that. Sure, I believe in settling the matter but I don't believe in a confrontation when backed into a corner.

                            No matter what, violence is wrong and to be incited and provoked is also wrong. Self defense and ending up with a broken nose is sad but it is what it is.

                            The whole thing is rather unfortunate.

                            I just know from personal experience to stay away from people who are off, volatile, weird, odd and avoid unreasonable, impulsive, highly emotionally charged types. And, whenever there is a pattern of out-of-whack behavior, it stems from various mental disorders. To clarify, not mental hospital stuff but mental disorders whether it's narcissism, sociopathic tendencies, gaslighters, low EQ, etc. for which there is no cure, unfortunately. It's really sad because it stems from somewhere whether unstable upbringing, broken homes, dysfunction, mental / physical abuse, your painful past and it runs the gamut.

                            I wish the OP all the best!
                            So basically you are advising the OPís friends to stay away from her. Because she clearly is off, volatile, impulsive etc
                            The perpetrator here is the OP. Her lack of self control and impulsiveness led to betrayal of her friend.
                            Her friend was owed an explanation even though the OP didnít deserve cornering for that explanation.
                            But the least deserving thing that happened here was a girl who trusted her friend not to cheat with her bf ending up with a broken nose.

                            You are trying to compare your personal situation with this one but what you are likely failing to see is that the OP is the kind of person you avoid in your personal life.

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                            • #15
                              Maggiemay4791 I wish everyone all the best. I hope the OP can put the past behind her, start fresh and have a bright future. The broken nose is unfortunate and hopefully, the broken nosed gal can have plastic surgery someday to fix it.
                              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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