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Girlfriends Mom wants to come stay with us

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  • Girlfriends Mom wants to come stay with us

    My GF and I live in Southern CA in a small 2 bed 1 ba 900 sq ft house. We love our house which is a haven for us and close to the beach. We have no kids, only a very elderly pug who probably has less than a year left.

    We have decided to travel to China for 2 weeks next month. Her Mom is retired, low income and has yearned to come back out to CA for a couple years but her finances prohibit it. She lives solely off SS and a very part time job. She also smokes which bugs me because she smokes at least a pack a day, Money she doesnít have and smells like smoke all the time. We have a strictly non smoking household and I really dislike the smell.

    She has offered to dog sit for us since she desperately wants out of AZ and wants out of her living situation ASAP. The dog is old and will not survive the stress of a kennel so her idea sounds ideal but Iím sure there is a catch. I donít want her living here and neither does my GF. Before we moved in together she told me of her moms housing struggles and roommate drama and the fact she is so inactive thereís no privacy at all since she Home almost 24/7.

    Her Mom is ready to pack up and drive out here and stay in our house while we vacation. However Iím more than sure she has no permanent housing or a plan and Iím betting we will be stuck with her. I donít want this woman in my house all day and night. I love our privacy and our life and I really donít want a 3rd person here even if it is her mother.

    Im trying to figure out a way to tell her without offending her, while we appreciate her watching our fur baby, she needs to find housing as we are not looking to have anyone live with us. Because she smokes, doesnít work and is older that eliminates most housing as most people donít want to rent a room to her. She has had difficulty maintaining steady housing in AZ and she canít afford to live out here unless she pays minimal rent to us. Iím not wanting her here. We both work and I want my privacy and alone time and not interested in having a 3rd person here.

    Shes going to come here and im absolutely sure she has made no effort to secure housing.

    Is there a way out of this?

  • #2
    I'm sure you can find someone local to dog sit for you. That way you could tell her mom that your plans have changed and you won't need her to come out.

    Of COURSE you can't let her move in with you. Perhaps you could look into some senior living facility for her.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      We leave in 3 weeks and sheís already given her notice to the woman she rents a room from. Apparently this woman wants her out too. She will never find a place in such short notice. Iíve already brought up the idea of living in a senior community over 55 and sheís not interested. It was already agreed by my GF she would dog sit but not much discussed what happens when we get back. My GF is concerned we will have an unwanted roommate.

      My GF hates confrontation and is not in the mood to get into it.

      We leave Nov 3 and will be back the 16th. The plan is to let her stay until the end of the Nov but then she will somehow ask for an extension end of the year, the holidays, and it will continue.

      Im going to have to call her and remind her she needs to secure housing.


      • #4
        I think you both made your bed and now you have to lie in it. This is really last minute of both of you to now worry about what to do about her after using her for her dog sitting services. As much of a nuisance as she seems, she appears to be doing you both a favour because you were both too lazy to look into other alternative options for a dog sitter. You say that your gf agreed to it, suggesting that you're the hapless boyfriend with no say, but you do live in that home and it is your home and it is your dog.

        For now, the wheels are set in motion and backing out now is ungracious and rude when you're leaving in three weeks. Renegading on any executive decisions your girlfriend made without you this late also makes you look like less of a man and even more incompetent than if you just keep your mouth shut and deal with the mistake the both of you have made. After her mother leaves, you might want to sit down as a couple and learn from this experience together. Maybe you have large differences in the way family matters are run and how you want to manage family members and relationships. It's better you work through it now together than keep pushing it off and pretending that your relationship is fine.


        • #5
          Honestly, you've both let it go way too far already.
          Your girlfriend is a coward for not facing her mother and just being honest. And you are not better.
          You see all the problems coming but have done nothing to stop it from unfolding. Hopefully this experience will teach you that you have to break a few eggs to get an omelette.
          People won't always like you for the opinion you have and the choices you make. Tough luck but that's life. You can keep living your life trying not to offend anyone and forgetting about your own needs in the porcess. Or you can accept that people will not always like you and that's okay.

          What you need to do now, in regards to damage control, is make it crystal clear to her mother that she can not stay any longer than the end of November and that you expect her to put in every bit of effort she can muster to find another place to stay.
          Be clear about it and break a few eggs if you must.
          You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf