You don't necessarily have to read my first topic to respond to this one. Basically as a newlywed I am navigating the new dynamic of friendship with my closest friend while trying to be responsible to my new priorities. My friend has expressed, multiple times now, that our friendship is obviously changing and different - to which I agree. We are not as close as we once were, do not chat on the phone as long or as much, and we are no longer college gals who live in the same dorms. We are both disappointed with each other after multiple conversations the last several days regrettedly over text messaging. I regret that it is over messaging, but it has become so heated that I have requested we subside and take a two week break before contacting one another again (in which I plan to write and send her a letter).
She and I do not have much in common anymore besides our family and faith values, yet these are some of the bigger reasons I connected to her. Conversation used to be more fluid between us, we used to make more time for one another, and we'd study together, go out to shop or have dinner, talk about men, etc. - things that a lot of single gals do. She is still single and a year ago I married. She claims that since I began dating my now husband (more than two years ago), I have changed - but not for the better. She blames me for what she calls 'the dwindling of our relationship' and doesn't like new traditions of hanging out (such as dinner with a group of friends and my husband). We often take turns planning our hang-outs, and she prefers one-on-one time, but the last couple times has invited her roommate to tag along last minute. I have asked her to please also take some of the responsibility for this. She has been speaking to me through a lense of hurt and loss the last several days. I have apologized twice now for not hurting her intentionally - but I am waiting for her to accept my apologies and to also perhaps take some of the blame for not having shared how she feels with me until two years later - I have yet to hear her do so, and am not sure if I should expect it. I cannot remember a time in our relationship that she has said "I'm sorry" whenever conflicts have come up. We just take space and allow it to blow over - which I don't believe is healthy in a relationship of any kind (to avoid direct communication and apologies).
If she does not also take some of the responsibility for our friendship fade, I am prepared to end the relationship because we can't agree and also because her secrecy of all these internal conflicts and struggles she has listed off to me about how I am doing friendship wrong and being selfish are seemingly unforgivable (though I know in time I will be able to forgive her in my heart). I am looking for advice in how to construct a letter to send her after our two-week hiatus of being in communication. If she responds to the letter well, then perhaps we can meet in person to overcome our hurts and talk in more detail. I don't believe we would ever be super close again, but I don't want us to never speak again or something extreme. I am hoping to be a 'friend' not a best friend with high expectations. There is some trust that would need to be rebuilt. I am trying to view things from her perspective, but it is very difficult for me because I'm feeling like an emotional mess, trying to figure out why my supposed friend can spew these hurtful accusations at me that are majorly untrue from where I stand in her last messages. Thank you for your thoughts.
She and I do not have much in common anymore besides our family and faith values, yet these are some of the bigger reasons I connected to her. Conversation used to be more fluid between us, we used to make more time for one another, and we'd study together, go out to shop or have dinner, talk about men, etc. - things that a lot of single gals do. She is still single and a year ago I married. She claims that since I began dating my now husband (more than two years ago), I have changed - but not for the better. She blames me for what she calls 'the dwindling of our relationship' and doesn't like new traditions of hanging out (such as dinner with a group of friends and my husband). We often take turns planning our hang-outs, and she prefers one-on-one time, but the last couple times has invited her roommate to tag along last minute. I have asked her to please also take some of the responsibility for this. She has been speaking to me through a lense of hurt and loss the last several days. I have apologized twice now for not hurting her intentionally - but I am waiting for her to accept my apologies and to also perhaps take some of the blame for not having shared how she feels with me until two years later - I have yet to hear her do so, and am not sure if I should expect it. I cannot remember a time in our relationship that she has said "I'm sorry" whenever conflicts have come up. We just take space and allow it to blow over - which I don't believe is healthy in a relationship of any kind (to avoid direct communication and apologies).
If she does not also take some of the responsibility for our friendship fade, I am prepared to end the relationship because we can't agree and also because her secrecy of all these internal conflicts and struggles she has listed off to me about how I am doing friendship wrong and being selfish are seemingly unforgivable (though I know in time I will be able to forgive her in my heart). I am looking for advice in how to construct a letter to send her after our two-week hiatus of being in communication. If she responds to the letter well, then perhaps we can meet in person to overcome our hurts and talk in more detail. I don't believe we would ever be super close again, but I don't want us to never speak again or something extreme. I am hoping to be a 'friend' not a best friend with high expectations. There is some trust that would need to be rebuilt. I am trying to view things from her perspective, but it is very difficult for me because I'm feeling like an emotional mess, trying to figure out why my supposed friend can spew these hurtful accusations at me that are majorly untrue from where I stand in her last messages. Thank you for your thoughts.
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