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Caught my nephew with my "lost" panties!

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  • Caught my nephew with my "lost" panties!

    Whenever I do my laundry, I fold my clothes straight out of the dryer to avoid wrinkling and if I wait I probably wont fold them so it's just convenient. Sometimes I'm busy and I don't put them away right away. For the past 6 or so months I've noticed that when I go to put them away some of my underwear are missing but I thought nothing of it until a month ago I washed almost all of my underwear at the same time and out of about 15-20 pairs only 3 of them were there. I was forced to go buy new underwear when I had just bought brand new ones. Well my mom in law is cleaning out my nephews' room(me and DH live with his parents and 3 nephews, oldest, david, is 12)
    she finds a towel I had washed with that load of laundry rolled up in a coner under their bed so she takes it to wash it but when she unravels it about 30 pairs of my underwear was there!!! There was also a pair of their older sisters who no longer lives with us so he had those for almost 2 years. Their grandmother told me that sometimes she finds her underwear in their room too. I feel so violated and I confronted him. I was careful not to say did he do it but instead why did he do it as to not give him a chance to lie and he only looked very ashamed and only shrugged his shoulders and refused to speak. I just left the room very angry with the evidence in hand. I feel very violated and disrespected. I told DH but he doesn't know how to go about it yet. His mother and I agreed he should be the one to talk to him about it as his father is in jail at the moment and he is their second father. We feel it would be best for him to hear it from another man. I love my nephew very much but I am angry with him for violating me in that way but I am understanding and he has always showed signs of crushing on me. I could understandy why he would do it but it was wrong. How should I go about this situation? I don't want him to feel ashamed for being a sexual being but he should learn that there is a right and wrong way to go about it. He has been caught many times watching porn and their grandmother only says she'll take his phone at night but never does. Now that he has done this she feels more strongly about it. We plan on taking it tonight and checking on his activities. He doesn't know anything else other than he was caught. Please leave me suggestions and if you have experienced something similar leave me your story. It would help me a lot. Thanks in advance.

    *names have been changed

  • #2
    Violated... Really? you feel violated?
    Stop being a drama queen. He never touched you. He took some underwear. Jeez.

    This is a fatherless, teenage boy with a dad in jail - so I can only guess this kid's been through enough already.
    He's a teenager with raging hormones and he's discovering his sexual urges. I'm sure the men on the forum can think of a lot worse things they've done at that age (feel free to back me up gentlemen).

    Is anyone in this household capable of having a calm, non-judgemental conversation with this kid? If not, don't even bother trying.

    Someone (preferably a man) needs to sit this kid down and say:

    Listen buddy, we've all been there. At your age it's normal to be thinking of sex pretty much 24/7. No big deal. It gets better as you get older.
    But you've gotta understand there are other people living in this house who don't appreciate having to buy new underwear every month.
    Part of becoming a man is learning when to keep yourself under control.
    And we're taking 50 bucks from your allowance to pay back the underwear you took.


    After that it doesn't have to be mentioned again.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      I do kind of agree with Ayla, I feel it's an invasion of privacy, but not really violation.

      I agree that he needs to be set straight, stopping inappropriate behaviour starts at home, and starts when it's discovered.
      PLEASE use PARAGRAPHS when you post, we’re more likely to read your post.
      For more information on paragraphs please press your enter key whilst typing a post.

      They're = They are (eg, They're not wearing any clothes!)
      Their = Possessive (eg, Check out their boobies!)
      There = locality (eg There is a naked chick in the water)
      Your = Possessive (eg I can see your boobies through that wet t-shirt)
      You're = You are (eg You're getting dressed? Damn...)

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      • #4
        How old is your nephew? Given your living situation, I think it's understandable that you're disgusted and annoyed. Yes, I'd feel violated too. Fantasizing about someone's undies is fine but actually putting it into action and taking them is another situation altogether. This only tells me that he lacks boundaries and respect for others and might not be ashamed to do many things (illegal things towards women or other individuals) if given the chance. The point is taking someone's belongings is wrong. He hasn't learned that which is, to me, dangerous for a teenager. Deliberately taking someone's personal garments is also specific to an individual need and the fact that only women's undergarments are the focus here is disturbing.

        Yes, I think your husband should speak with him but I don't agree that the focus is the money or the underwear. The focus should be that taking another person's belongings is wrong and there should be more respect towards women as that behaviour is not acceptable.

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        • #5
          Assuming this isn't a troll post (I have my doubts)

          This only tells me that he lacks boundaries and respect for others and might not be ashamed to do many things (illegal things towards women or other individuals) if given the chance.
          This is why you sit him down and you talk to him about not crossing personal boundaries and that we (the royal we) don't take things that don't belong to us. You have this conversation like a mature person who understands that 13 year old boys have urges and that those urges are normal. Taking other people's things is not. For all we know, he's wearing them or he's gay and just discovering his own sexuality which is no reason to center him out.

          The man in this Op's living space and (hopefully) the boys positive male role model, since his own father is a waste of oxygen, would do well to get this kid to open up and feel safe doing so rather then humiliate him in any way.

          Op: If you're so freaking "violated" then why don't you move out into your own apartment where you'll feel more "safe." O.o
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            I'll add that the grandmother is enabling his poor behaviour by never showing him the negative consequences of his actions. He needs to be talked to plus a punishment to go along with it like taking away his xbox for a couple of weeks or SOMETHING.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              The point is taking someone's belongings is wrong. He hasn't learned that which is, to me, dangerous for a teenager. Deliberately taking someone's personal garments is also specific to an individual need and the fact that only women's undergarments are the focus here is disturbing.
              I understand that a teenager can take someone's belongings to satisfy his needs, but what I don't think is normal is the amount stolen.

              If the story is true then I think the boy has a more serious problem, as he either didn't understand that people would notice the disappearing underwear or he didn't even care about it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Uhm... My guess: The story isn't real!
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  This story is real which sucks. What makes me feel violated is that the little dude checks me out all the time and now this. Ayla I like your suggestion. He definitely needs to learn boundaries and how to respect someone's privacy and I think he had so many due to the high chance he would get caught trying to put them back. He is getting his phone(his only device) taken away. Grandma will probably sneak it back as usual but I'm going to find a good place to hide it. I should have something like a safe laying around that I can put it in. I'm going to figure out if he was wearing them or something else and I haven't talked to him yet because I don't want him to feel like a wierdo or a bad person for experimenting.

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                  • #10
                    He is 12 btw.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lamorenita21 View Post
                      I haven't talked to him yet because I don't want him to feel like a wierdo or a bad person for experimenting.
                      I'm glad we're on this page. He's 12. Not some 40 year old pervert. He's a child. Children without strong role models to look up to, don't have somewhere to turn when their hormones make them do stupid things.
                      And with a dad in jail, he really has no one to talk to.

                      If anyone talks to him, I do think it shouldn't be you because you don't feel comfortable around him. Let an older, more confident male relative handle this.
                      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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