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My wife has a new BFF. And it is a male.

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  • My wife has a new BFF. And it is a male.

    My wife started playing online and loves the game. She plays it every day. She even started helping people. Well these guys started helping her and now they have become Best Friends Forever. She even gave them her cell phone number and they text her and call her every day. They call and text at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes at 2am or 4am. Once she called him one minute after I left the house to go to work. She says that he is going thru problems and needs someone to talk to. She says that he also listens to her talk about her problems with me. But she doesn't tell me much about what they talk and text about. She has even locked me out of her cell phone and laptop. She talks to him thru the game on a headset with a mic. I can't hear what he says but a lot of times it must be jokes because when she not whispering to him she laughs real loud. She doesn't laugh that way with me. It makes me feel excluded from that part of her life. Plus I work far away and only get 3 hours to spend with my wife and family. And when I get home she is playing and talking with them.

    I have told her how I feel and she did stop talking to one man that is 60 years old in Yemen. But she will not stop talking to the 33 year old, good looking man in the states. She even posts about him in Facebook, which she did unfriend me from but recently added me back.

    It bothers me so much that I can't eat or sleep and I have already lost 20 pounds because of this. Am I wrong to feel this way about her new found friend? Do I have the right to ask her to stop being friends with him? I don't want to take away her only friend. Even if they are long distance. What can I do?

  • #2
    Your wife doesn't have a bff. She's having an emotional affair.
    By emotional affair, I don't necessarily mean there's a sexual nature about their relationship. By that I mean she's putting her relationship with someone else before her marriage. Unless we're talking about a child, no one should be special enough to disrupt a husband and wife relationship.
    But the fact that she's having secretive, whispering conversations with him, removing you from FB while making posts about him, calling him during inappropriate times, not including you in the friendship and so on, those are all red flags. On top of that, she chooses to spend the limited time you have together as a family talking to this man.

    You need to open up your eyes here. This is not some harmless friendship. This is a real and serious threat to your marriage.
    You need to be clear with your wife that she's crossing some serious boundaries and you won't put up with it.

    How is your marriage aside from this new 'friend'? How is your sex life? I suspect there have been some marital issues going on for a while now, prior to your wife taking up this online game.
    Why doesn't your wife have any other 'real life' friends? Does she have parents/siblings she's close to?

    To answer your question, yes you have the right to ask her to stop being friends with him. And she has the right to refuse. However, if she values your marriage and you as her husband at all, she should understand that this friendship is causing her to neglect her marriage and the best thing to do would be to walk away. But ending this friendship isn't going to make all of this go away. You'll have to get to work on your marriage, together. Start spending some quality time together. Work on intimacy. Spice up your sex life. And your wife needs to find a hobby, job or passion that will fill her days, make her feel useful, bring her into contact with others and make new friends in real life.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      Originally posted by Razmataz View Post
      .... I don't want to take away her only friend. ....
      Why is this her only friend? Where are the rest of them?


      • #4
        It seems like your wife likes the company of that man. She feels comfortable and laughs with him. You should talk to her about your insecurities and let her know you don't like all these things. Ask her don't let an unknown person ruin your relationship.
        Practical advice and solutions that help you manage all their relationships. Build better connections with your girlfriend, wife, kids or friends.


        • #5
          Your wife is getting her emotional needs met through her online friend because you only spend three hours with her. What can you do to remedy that situation, if anything?

          Does your wife not work?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!