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Unrequited feelings with a good friend, can the friendship survive

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  • Unrequited feelings with a good friend, can the friendship survive

    I have a good guy friend who I met this year. We get along well and I see him every week because we are climbing partners. Sometimes we do hiking trips on the weekends. Other than these things, we don't really talk or hang out during the week.

    After being friends a while he told me that he has feelings for me and I told him that I didn't reciprocate those feelings. I thought that would be the end of our friendship but he told me to not treat him any differently after this discussion because he wanted to stay friends. So we did. I felt really valued and happy to stay friends with him.

    Most of the time I have known my friend, I was dating somebody else. I never told him because it was fairly new and I was treading lightly to spare his feelings. I broke up with the boyfriend and now have been doing some online dating.

    Today we went for a drink after climbing and a dating app notification came on my phone and I think he saw it. He barely looked at me or spoke a word to me the rest of the time we were together. I paid for our drinks and he didn't even thank me, which was really out of character.

    I feel really frustrated because I told him straight up how I feel and he should not be mad at me for wanting to date and be happy. But I understand if he is still harboring feelings that he is upset. Do I address what happened or just let it pass? Do you think there is hope for our friendship? I feel like since he is the one who has/had feelings, that is up to him...

  • #2
    The smart decision on his end would have been to end the friendship once he noticed that the feelings weren't going away.
    He's just putting himself through a lot of pain and heart ache.
    He should be smarter, but it seems he isn't. If I was in your shoes, I'd consider making the tough call for him and just letting the friendship fade out.
    At least he'll be able to move on if you're no longer a part of his life.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Afterimage View Post
      I have a good guy friend who I met this year. We get along well and I see him every week because we are climbing partners. Sometimes we do hiking trips on the weekends. Other than these things, we don't really talk or hang out during the week.

      After being friends a while he told me that he has feelings for me and I told him that I didn't reciprocate those feelings. I thought that would be the end of our friendship but he told me to not treat him any differently after this discussion because he wanted to stay friends. So we did. I felt really valued and happy to stay friends with him.

      Most of the time I have known my friend, I was dating somebody else. I never told him because it was fairly new and I was treading lightly to spare his feelings. I broke up with the boyfriend and now have been doing some online dating.

      Today we went for a drink after climbing and a dating app notification came on my phone and I think he saw it. He barely looked at me or spoke a word to me the rest of the time we were together. I paid for our drinks and he didn't even thank me, which was really out of character.

      I feel really frustrated because I told him straight up how I feel and he should not be mad at me for wanting to date and be happy. But I understand if he is still harboring feelings that he is upset. Do I address what happened or just let it pass? Do you think there is hope for our friendship? I feel like since he is the one who has/had feelings, that is up to him...
      Most of the time you knew him you were dating someone else and never told him because you were treading lightly to spare his feelings????
      So, you knew he had feelings of more than friendship towards you and rather than nip that in the bud you let it continue?
      Well you arenít much of a friend then really are you?

      And now you say you are frustrated with him???

      Get a new climbing partner and next time discuss your dating life with them.

      Poor guy !

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

        Most of the time you knew him you were dating someone else and never told him because you were treading lightly to spare his feelings????
        So, you knew he had feelings of more than friendship towards you and rather than nip that in the bud you let it continue?
        Well you arenít much of a friend then really are you?

        And now you say you are frustrated with him???

        Get a new climbing partner and next time discuss your dating life with them.

        Poor guy !
        Maggiemay4791
        your comment is a bit unfair
        I thought I nipped it in the bud when I told him that I do not have romantic feelings for him and we agreed to be just friends. You make it sound like I have been flirting with him and leading him on which isn't the case. I have treated him exactly the same as I treat ant platonic friend. It's not like my intentions towards him were not clear.

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