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Ex-farther In-law passed !

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  • Ex-farther In-law passed !

    I had a very close relationship with my farther in-law and mother In-law . So much so , that calling them in-laws is an understatement !

    Unfortunately, I betrayed them terribly and the whole family , not to mention my wife .

    I had an affair and I let it destroy my marriage , I donít think my marriage could have been saved , unfortunately I fell out of love with my wife , I donít know why or how , but I could have handled it differently . Having an affair was the worst thing I could have done .

    After being separated from my wife for 4 years , my in-laws where understandably , less then pleased with me . So our relationship also was finished .

    My wife and her family asked me to put a video together for my farther in-lawís funeral , I was truly honored that they allowed me this opportunity. My farther in-law and I both played music and I use to put on local bluegrass / c&w shows at granges and he would play with me often. It was always a dream of his to perform in front of an audience and he absolutely loved it ! I had a lot of videos of him performing on stage and they wanted a video of various clips of him performing on stage !

    While doing this was an honor, it was emotionally draining on two levels , first the loss of someone I love but also the reminder that I betrayed not only him but my whole extended family . I was terrified to go to the wake and funeral , but I had to put my fears aside and be there because , I wanted to be there , I asked his family if it would be ok if I went , I wanted to respect thier wishes .
    To my surprise they did welcome me to go and seemed happy that I was there . I was also concerned about the extended family , cousins , nieces, nephews ect. They had all been considered family over the years. ( I was with my wife for 20+ years . ) Again to my surprise they where all happy to see me and complimented the video I made and most requested a copy and they kept thanking me for makeing the video , but it truly an honor to have done it . One cousin, who is now the patriarch of the family , said to me , ď itís great seeing you again , come around the family more , seriously! ď this touched me so much , and really drove home what kind of people I have betrayed !
    Itís not guilt that I feel , but rather the reality of something I never considered ! I not only betrayed my wife but I betrayed my family ! Lesson learned , with the highest price !
    I may find another women to love but will I ever have the gift of another family ? Probably not !

    The lesson I learnt was , be as transparent and honest without fear in your relationships , if you are having issues with your spouse or significant other , talk to them about it and try to work it out , if you canít work it out , part ways honorably and with respect . You have more to lose then your marriage, you have family that you could jeopardize ! Plus your own dignity !
    It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

  • #2
    Professor Chaos You created a funeral video montage as a loving tribute and gesture for your late ex-FIL and family which was extremely giving of your heart.

    Forgiveness is truly a beautiful thing and moving on is a sign of maturity. (Forgive does not mean condone nor forget though.) It is true that if it's impossible to work things out, part ways with respectful honor. That's what enforcing healthy boundaries are.

    There are regrets about how things went down or burning bridges.

    A recent dying man's parting words to me were: "Don't live in the past." He was a wise man indeed.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      Sorry to hear abot that. Console your sole mate.