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Tension in the House

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  • Tension in the House

    This is my first post on any kind of forum, but I feel like I need to get help with my family. My wife and step-son (her son before I met her) have been creating so much tension in our home. My ss is 13 years old, is diabetic and has a mood disorder. He is extremely irresponsible, constantly inappropriate and doesn't think about anyone but himself. Some of his issues are from his disorder, but some are because he is now a teenage boy pushing the limits. He pushes back when addressed for behaviors when he use to just accept what we were saying. I understand this is a normal stage of the teenage years. But my wife does not handle this well, as it seems to go back and forth until there is yelling and stomping away. I usually am the one who goes to talk to our son to talk it out, as his disorder makes it hard for him to let go of the anger.
    Well, tonight was another time where he was angry for being yelled at. So, he came to me and expressed his feelings appropriately (without yelling or being mean) about my wife. He said he felt like my wife is only pointing out what he does wrong, and never gives him positive feedback. Specifically, she never tells him he does a good job anymore. And that she never spends anytime with him or does something with just him. We have four kids, two of which are under 2 years old. I could see how upset he was, so I gave him a hug and he started crying. I told him I would talk to his mom about his feelings. I don't take sides, I try to listen and help him work through his anger, and I always address his part in the situation, as he needs to understand we all have a responsibility in arguments. So, I spoke to my wife and she completely flipped out. She said I was just telling her another thing she isn't doing and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty about this, she works full-time and constantly does everything for her kids. I tried to explain that he is just looking for a little one on one time. But she wouldn't hear it and is now mad at me for accusing her of not doing enough. I don't know what else to do, I just want to avoid conflict and have a peaceful home. Well, as much as I can with teenagers and toddlers.

  • #2
    Ride it out and remain calm. Young people and children need to observe adults in action and pursuing their life goals and they also need to be occupied! How's the 13 year old in school? Are there any issues with classmates or homework/grades? Do they have hobbies? Do you or their mom have hobbies? Children need to see that life doesn't revolve around them or their "moods".
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; July 11th, 2018, 01:43 AM.


    • #3
      jkae Since you're wife is uncooperative, then I'd step it up by being a strong male role model for your stepson. Do guy things together or have a lot of 1:1 time together however way you can spare it despite your very busy lives. Sounds like your stepson needs extra TLC and something I wish my younger brother had but didn't because my father died prematurely. I can't stress enough the importance of a strong father figure in a young boy's life because it's the father who teaches his son how to be a man. He is starved for affection and father-son time so give it to him because his youth is such a fleeting moment. It will go by within a blink of an eye. Have him accompany you on errands, fix things together, do chores together, have outings just you and him. Hopefully, bonding time will help calm your stepson. It's poignant that he cried when you gave him a hug. Sounds like you have a lot of compassion for him. He needs for you to be a good listener without the distraction and chaos of daily home life, his stressed out mother and younger siblings. Carve out time for your stepson away from noisy home life and he'll really look forward to spending time with you, man to man.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."