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Is he toxic for her?

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  • Is he toxic for her?

    My close friend has been dating this guy on/off for a year. (she's 20, he's 27).
    He bought her a new phone after 2 weeks of knowing her. A few days later he invited her over saying "no ones home it'll be just us alone." She didn't agree as she was not ready for that sort of thing (she's a virgin) and when she confronted him, he said he was testing her.
    He did offer her to meet him at an expensive hotel room, again she refused and he said he was testing her. He gets jealous when she talks to other guys and he tries to forbid her from talking to some. He goes through her phone but never ever lets her touch his, or when he did once he was closely eyeing her. He often talks badly about her close friends, for example me. I was once spending a few nights at her house, and he would say he'd wanna see her but she'd tell him she can't as she's with me. Then He would tell her that I don't care about her and that I'm not genuine, and then puts her in a position where she has to pick between him or me. She did choose me though, and he ended up blocking her for 2 weeks before coming back again.

    Once when they were fighting in the car, he threatened he would crash it if she didn't stay with him.
    He makes comments about her clothes and says if he were to marry her, he'd change a lot of things about her.
    She also told me the farthest they do is make out and he asks for BJ's though she claims she never did it.
    On her birthday he took her to a fancy dinner and bought her expensive gifts.
    She decided to go off to college with me and initially he wasn't okay with the idea. Recently she just found out that he had cheated on her when he traveled for a holiday.
    He kept denying it and even though she knew the truth, she decided to stay with him.
    A while later he broke up with her saying he has a new girl in his life, and he called her a b*tch.
    She was shocked because she expected him to marry her. (He comes from a really rich family, whereas her family have financial problems.)

    What's your take on this guy?
    And is she blinded or what?

  • #2
    Kara97 What's my take on this guy? He's a control freak, extremely manipulative, deceitful and her "free gift" cell phone has a catch or strings attached. Her cell phone isn't really "free." He always wants something in return from her in all ways always. He's taking advantage of the fact that he hails from affluence whereas she comes from a family wrought with financial struggles. He's a snake. I don't trust him and neither should she. He's sneaky and slick.

    I hope she's not blind. I hope she will leave him and the relationship entirely and never look back otherwise he's going to drag her life down to nothing less than misery. I hope she isn't a fool.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      He doesn't want a wife, he wants an object that he can use and shape to his liking.

      It looks like your friend is at least a little blind to reality, so try to make her see that she will be able to find a man that wants her for what she is instead of a man that wants to change her into something else.
      Last edited by GrizzlyBear; July 10th, 2018, 09:55 PM.


      • #4
        You already know the obvious so it's mundane and trite to focus anymore on the obvious. Part of early friendships is that tumultuous up and down that usually happens in your teens, twenties and even thirties and forties. People come and go. All the time! In your girls' particular case, it's boys that will come and go. Try not to be too wrapped up in each others' drama and keep things real. Let each other grow and make mistakes. True friendship doesn't really ever go away unless one party wills it or wants it dead. Don't feel bad if you fight or argue. At least you will have shown each other your true sides and not hidden how you really feel or what you actually think. Just as in relationships, friendships require trust and respect. Enjoy your youth and help each other stay safe out there.


        • #5
          Seriously, she's better off by far without him. Money isn't everything. He's too controlling and obviously a player. Yes, he's toxic! Threatening to wreck the car?! Love is blind. You can't make her leave him and the more you say the more she will defend him and feel she has to stay by his side since she defended him. Just stay her close friend, tell her you love her either way and don't give him anything to use against you. She will need you in the future either way. It's heartbreaking to watch, but nothing you can do other than pray. There is power in prayer! Sad that she's not seeing her value to require more of the one she loves.