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Why does nobody like me anymore?

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  • Why does nobody like me anymore?

    I don't understand what's going on.

    I've never had this before. I used to be happy and easy going. I know this will sound very vain but believe me it's not my intention. I've always had friends, I've always got on with people and i've never had problems with fitting in.

    Until the end of last year, I've always been included in whatever's going on. I'm in my mid twenties now and I can't believe how lonely I feel. I used to have several different social groups I met up with easily. I was the first to be told about things and everyone was happy when I turned up, something that always made me smile. People would check up on me on a regular basis to see how I am.

    I now have one group of friends with only two or three people in it that I feel close to. All of my other friends that I used to be so close with, none of them bother with me anymore.

    but suddenly it's like I'm a leper or something. People actively avoid me. I feel like a complete loser when I go out with the few friends I do have, no one seems interested in talking to me and i'm forced to constantly be my friend's shadow. Whenever I try to branch out and meet new people, the conversation ends abruptly and they find an excuse to leave.

    Heck, even when I try to reach out to my supposed friends I haven't seen in a while, my messages are either ignored or the conversation goes nowhere. My confidence has dropped so much. Is there something wrong with me? This sounds petty, I know but say if I were to post something on Social Media, not a single person will respond or like what i've postep.

    of my main social circle that i've been "the popular" one of for 10 years, only two people in it actually bother with me. Every time we're out I'm constantly the butt of a joke or everyone completely talks over me when I have something to say. I used to tell jokes and everyone's e would laugh, now they all fall flat and i'm embarrassed. They've assured me it's only a joke and they all love me but it doesn't feel like it. There's meet ups between some friends where i'm not notified of and find out after. I've literally become the friend no one likes. I'm constantly talked down to and feel like a last resort.

    I've just started a new job last month. Every job i've ever had, I fit in well with everyone. Despite my best efforts, I'm already that staff member no one takes seriously. Jokes about me being stupid and everyone hush in up as soon as I walk over.

    I never used to have no problem with girls. Now I just feel unattractive seing as everyone of the opposite sex seems ridiculously uninterested in me. My appearance has not changed in the slightest.

    I literally don't get it. What the fuck happened? I feel like everyone has forgotten me and i've become nobody.
    Last edited by djgph; May 20th, 2018, 02:50 PM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by djgph View Post
    I don't understand what's going on.

    I've never had this before. I used to be happy and easy going. I know this will sound very vain but believe me it's not my intention. I've always had friends, I've always got on with people and i've never had problems with fitting in.

    Until the end of last year, I've always been included in whatever's going on. I'm in my mid twenties now and I can't believe how lonely I feel. I used to have several different social groups I met up with easily. I was the first to be told about things and everyone was happy when I turned up, something that always made me smile. People would check up on me on a regular basis to see how I am.

    I now have one group of friends with only two or three people in it that I feel close to. All of my other friends that I used to be so close with, none of them bother with me anymore.

    but suddenly it's like I'm a leper or something. People actively avoid me. I feel like a complete loser when I go out with the few friends I do have, no one seems interested in talking to me and i'm forced to constantly be my friend's shadow. Whenever I try to branch out and meet new people, the conversation ends abruptly and they find an excuse to leave.

    Heck, even when I try to reach out to my supposed friends I haven't seen in a while, my messages are either ignored or the conversation goes nowhere. My confidence has dropped so much. Is there something wrong with me? This sounds petty, I know but say if I were to post something on Social Media, not a single person will respond or like what i've postep.

    of my main social circle that i've been "the popular" one of for 10 years, only two people in it actually bother with me. Every time we're out I'm constantly the butt of a joke or everyone completely talks over me when I have something to say. I used to tell jokes and everyone's e would laugh, now they all fall flat and i'm embarrassed. They've assured me it's only a joke and they all love me but it doesn't feel like it. There's meet ups between some friends where i'm not notified of and find out after. I've literally become the friend no one likes. I'm constantly talked down to and feel like a last resort.

    I've just started a new job last month. Every job i've ever had, I fit in well with everyone. Despite my best efforts, I'm already that staff member no one takes seriously. Jokes about me being stupid and everyone hush in up as soon as I walk over.

    I never used to have no problem with girls. Now I just feel unattractive seing as everyone of the opposite sex seems ridiculously uninterested in me. My appearance has not changed in the slightest.

    I literally don't get it. What the fuck happened? I feel like everyone has forgotten me and i've become nobody.
    Don't confuse quantity vs. quality. Your true friends are the ones who stuck around for you and didn't leave you high and dry. Concentrate on the few friends you have and cherish them. The other friends who have since scattered to the four winds don't matter because they're not your true friends. Keep in mind this is life. Throughout your life, your associations with others will change. Some old friends will always remain, others drift apart to no fault of your own and eventually new people will enter your life. People / friends will waft in and out of your life for decades.

    There's nothing more attractive than self-confidence and high self-esteem. Take care of yourself first with your physical and mental health. Develop your interests, outings, hobbies and do what you enjoy. Focus on your own life. People will suddenly take notice that you have your act together and they're attracted to successful people in their own right. This is what I did. My groveling days are over. Once self-confidence took over my brain space, people began ingratiating themselves to me and it's certainly a different position to be in nowadays. Self-confidence is a beautiful thing. Don't feel the need to need friends or people. Turn it around so they NEED YOU. Hope it works for you, too.

    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Its sounds like you've been shunned and I'm wondering if you've done something to turn people against you. Have you cheated at some point? Acted unethically? Betrayed someone? Badmouthed someone? Hard to believe people shun you for no reason. If you can't think of anything that might have tarnished your reputation, maybe you could ask one of your true friends if he has any idea why people are treating you differently than before. Maybe there is a nasty rumor going around that you are not aware of. I think it's time to do a little investigating. There's a reason why people have turned on you. Find out why and fix it.

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      • #4
        It does feel like I'm being shunned but for what I have no idea. There's a very large social network in my city which I had a good place in. Again I know that may sound stupid but I've never really given it much thought until recently.

        And this is the thing about the friends who have stuck with me which is basically just three people. They don't really seem all that bothered if I'm there or not. Like they'd rather not have to see me and always seem like they'd rather be somewhere else. Not to say we don't have fun but then sometimes I'll hit them up and they're busy doing something they planned together without me. FaI enough, not everything they do socially should involve me but it used to. I used to be the person everyone wanted out.

        Something else that's upsetting me is the way evertone is talking to me. I used to be treated with respect and my friends would talk to me like a person. Now it's all condescending as if i'm stupid. I was out with my best friend the other day and he told me some of our group were at the pub. When I got there, I immediately felt left out. I made a joke and one of my friends that i'vr known for years made a "joke", saying that no one likes me and they have a group chat without me. She said it was just a joke. Then about 10 minutes later started asking why my ex left me and taking the piss out of me. I felt so embarrassed that I left there and then. She then text me to apologize and say she was only joking and I take things way too seriously.

        The point is, it does feel like i'm being shunned. I haven't done anything wrong, I've asked my friends for a reason why and they keep insisting that they have no idea. And whi'll yes, I do still have three close friends, they're still popular and involved in thinthins all the time while I'm left out if they don't invite me along. I know things change as you get older but not like this. Especially when all the same people you used to hang out with still hang out.

        Not to mention I'm starting too feel needy if I try to reach out too people. If I don't bother and just stick to my own devices (which I tried for a week and a half) then literally no one bothers with me and I feel even more lonely. It's like I have no one in my life that's just for me.

        Plus with the way everyone, new staff included act with me, I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me.

        Comment


        • #5
          In reply to what you said, Chanelle, I know that self confidence is the key. I've lived a very happy life before this. I'm 25, I've seen and done it all. Travelled the world, dated, moved several times, college, everything which is why this is upsetting me so much.

          I can't believe that no matter what I do, people literally just don't seem to want to interact with matter anymore. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I can't keep up my confidence when even mattered friends seem like they have no interest in me.

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          • #6
            You seem to have been made into the goat of the group. The one to be the target, just like there is sometimes a scapegoat member of the family or in the workplace. Sorry you have been put in that role

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            • #7
              Stop letting it affect you so much and let it roll off your back. What other (nonsense) people think of you doesn't make you who you are. The less you care, the more you'll realize what you're really worth. They don't want to join in your parade, that's their loss. Stop thinking you're the one losing out. You may also be transitioning from groups of vapid people into a more mature part of your life. Grow up and do it gracefully.

              Comment


              • #8
                It's just a theory, but here it goes.
                People thend to grow and evolve as they get older. They mature, they become less self centered, they start talking less and less about themselves, they brag less, they find status less and less important. They start to prefer more calm activities over high energy and high adrenaline adventures. People start to appreciate the quiet ones who they can count on in times of need over the one with the big mouth who's all talk.
                This doesn't happen for everyone, but it does seem to be the trend.

                Could it be that you were the life of the party while you were still younger (teens and early twenties), but you've not matured as much as others have and therefor they are losing intrest in you?
                From your post I can deduct that you find status, popularity, large social groups (maybe lacking depth but high in volume), exciting experiences to brag about and so on very important. You've always been popular and maybe looked up at. Could it be that you're finding it hard to adapt to more mature and adult friendships where admiration and popularity isn't a good foundation for friendship anymore? Maybe you're having trouble getting used to not being the centre of attention, but rather being part of an crowd of equals? Are you able to keep up with conversations about more mature topics rather than bragging about yoruself and your accomplishments? Do you show an intrest in the life of others and listen when you're not the subject of discussion?

                Quite often, the popular ones in high school and college don't have the need to develop their social skills and mature as they get older, because they expect the world to love them forever. However, as people around them mature, they can't keep up. Also, behavior that is condoned in your early twenties will be frowned upon after a certain age because people start to expect more from you.

                Like I said, just a theory. But maybe it's worth some soul searching.
                Good luck!
                You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

                Comment


                • #9

                  It's time for new friends and a new set of friends, then. Join local clubs and organizations. Surf the Internet. (Are you interested in church? There is tons to do there.) Volunteer in your community, do charity work. Help those who are less fortunate than you are and help the disadvantaged. Go work in a soup kitchen, feed the homeless. Volunteer in a nursing home. Observe how the other half lives. Elderly folks are so lonely. They'll tell you history and what it was like when they were young. I did everything I've mentioned here and it is very rewarding. After that, you will count your blessings. There are millions of people who have very hard lives and worse off than you are. Put yourself out there and you'll meet new friends who will accept you the way you are. And, they're doing the same thing; helping others. You'll have a lot in common and friendships can branch out from meeting new people. You sound like a beautiful soul with a humble personality. You'd be surprised at how many people love that in a decent human being.

                  I've been around for a long time and I'm a pretty good read of people. I've known very affluent, humble people with great character and personalities. Same with others despite various socioeconomic classes. Then I've known some affluent people who were so full of themselves that they stunk from miles away. They're mean, extremely snobby, selfish, lack empathy, say whatever they want, write whatever they want and they all enable each other to continue these obnoxious habits without any harsh consequences. I've since learned to avoid those types like the plague.

                  As for you, it's a great big world out there and it's time for you to do something about it if you feel the need to be well-liked. Here's a tip for you: Don't try to be humorous if it's not within your nature to be a comedian. It's better to not be humorous than face others who are not smiling, chuckling or laughing at your quips. Don't joke if you're not Bob Hope because it won't work during social settings. Don't try too hard because it's a turn-off.

                  Here's another tip: People LOVE nothing more than to talk about themselves! Instead of focusing on yourself, turn it around on them and develop a keen interest in others during social settings. Take great interest in other people's lives during conversations; just like a very amiable interviewer. People LOVE to have good listeners in their midst like no other. Try it. Heck, if you give people the floor, they'll talk your ears off for endless hours if you let them. Suddenly, you'll become popular because usually people cannot find others who are willing to sit through their endless monologues until your eyes glaze over. Just nod, be attentive and smile. You don't have to do a thing! You'll see. Allow them to monopolize every conversation and you'll become their instant BFF! People grow bored very quickly whenever you talk about yourself. Switch psychology. Think smart!

                  If you're still shunned, then you don't need them. There are high quality people on this Earth who know how to treat people right. Stay away from those who are dishonorable and disrespectful. Become very choosy and picky regarding whom you wish to associate with and discard the rest because they're not worth your time, energy and resources.

                  There is nothing wrong with you. Just become selective. You are in the driver's seat. Take control of your life. Be positive!

                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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