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Ditched a best friend after 16yrs was it the right choice?

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  • Ditched a best friend after 16yrs was it the right choice?

    Back in 2009, I ditched a long best friendship of 16 yrs. I didn't say anything, so that guy was pretty mad and left angry messages.
    Reason he was using drugs + also threatened to kill me if I told his mom (I never hinted it ).

    Was I right to do this? I feel remorse about it time to time.

    DETAIL:
    He was making a confession that he had some "E", some MJ and some other party speedballs and just said it like Btw, I'll kill you if you say anything to my Mom.
    Some people tell me oh, he was just joking but even so, I think his life was pretty downhill with his addictions and I'm not the guy who knows how to deal with these kind of people. I know other people are experts at dealing with drugees and can help turn friends around but I'm just not skilled. I didn't want to take the chance if anything were to happen and he had a lot bad influence party friends always around his house that I hated being around that were even more dangerous than him.

    There's other things that really bothered me, like leaving me out to dry at dinner. I mean over the years when I was totally broke, he's paid for my meal a lot. However, int the final stretch of our friendship he'd always ditch and I had no money to pay for it so I had to leave and be just as bad. This happened a lot and was very embarrassing for me! I just thought that was the last straw.

    I thought about contacting him a few times before, but I always stopped myself. Up until recently, I had a lot of mental health issues to deal with, it took 9 years to gain clarity. So really at the time he was too much for me.

    I recently checked his FB page and it seems he hasn't changed a bit in the party drug sense. Still posting pics of drugs on his wall. It seems his interests are greatly deviated from mine as well . Outside of his problems, He was a good human being and we always helped each other. I really hope him the best and his Mom did a lot for us both.
    Last edited by Kuraudo; May 15th, 2018, 08:48 PM.

  • #2
    Why are you still even thinking about this? It happened in 2009. At that time you did what you felt was best for you so unless you're looking to score some E, then forget it. You might want to quit creeping his social media. Stalking is social media isn't helping you to let it go.

    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

    Comment


    • #3
      First of all thanks for the quick reply!
      Secondly, well back in 2009, my mind was a mess. Suffering depression and anxiety, i actually ditched every single friend I had. I reunited with 3 of them over the weekend explaining why I disappeared. Everything I thought about , every reasoning the answer was the same. It was my fault 100% And I'm grateful that I can be friends with these people again, they are very valuable to me.

      This 4th friendship is the only one with iffy or no answers. Likewise, your answer is similar. Seems no one else except other people sympathetic to drugs thought I had made a mistake.

      Thanks !

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Kuraudo View Post
        Back in 2009, I ditched a long best friendship of 16 yrs. I didn't say anything, so that guy was pretty mad and left angry messages.
        Reason he was using drugs + also threatened to kill me if I told his mom (I never hinted it ).

        Was I right to do this? I feel remorse about it time to time.

        DETAIL:
        He was making a confession that he had some "E", some MJ and some other party speedballs and just said it like Btw, I'll kill you if you say anything to my Mom.
        Some people tell me oh, he was just joking but even so, I think his life was pretty downhill with his addictions and I'm not the guy who knows how to deal with these kind of people. I know other people are experts at dealing with drugees and can help turn friends around but I'm just not skilled. I didn't want to take the chance if anything were to happen and he had a lot bad influence party friends always around his house that I hated being around that were even more dangerous than him.

        There's other things that really bothered me, like leaving me out to dry at dinner. I mean over the years when I was totally broke, he's paid for my meal a lot. However, int the final stretch of our friendship he'd always ditch and I had no money to pay for it so I had to leave and be just as bad. This happened a lot and was very embarrassing for me! I just thought that was the last straw.

        I thought about contacting him a few times before, but I always stopped myself. Up until recently, I had a lot of mental health issues to deal with, it took 9 years to gain clarity. So really at the time he was too much for me.
        I recently checked his FB page and it seems he hasn't changed a bit in the party drug sense. Still posting pics of drugs on his wall. It seems his interests are greatly deviated from mine as well . Outside of his problems, He was a good human being and we always helped each other. I really hope him the best and his Mom did a lot for us both.
        You were smart to ditch the friendship because it was toxic not to mention very dangerous to continue engaging in a friendship with him. He's too messed up which would've affected your right to safety and there's no telling how or when he would've made good on his threat. Anytime a person is a regular user of mind-altering drugs, their brain cells are messed up and they are extremely impulsive especially when it comes to violence and / or thinking irrationally. Good riddance.

        I too have felt awfully guilty for dumping some past friends and even a distant relative. We did share some good times during childhood and some individuals were kind in snippets during adulthood. However, people change. We're not the same people anymore. People either evolve and t transform into a different character due to the cards they were dealt with or change their personality for the worse because their life is miserable. They're not the same people anymore and you need to prioritize your safety first and foremost always and forever. Associating with questionable characters endangers your and your loved ones lives. They could also bring in bad people into your life due to their associations. It's best to cut them off completely and never look back!

        You don't owe him anything.

        Unfortunately, even good human beings have a dark side which can impact your safety and mental well-being. I had to let go of some people in my life because I didn't want to endanger myself and my loved ones. Maintaining friendships with certain people wasn't worth risking my safety for life. Make wise decisions and be careful. Surround yourself with people who are normal and STABLE because normal, STABLE people won't cause you undue stress.

        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

        Comment


        • #5
          chanelle Thank you! I'm glad other people think the same that it doesn't matter that it was a joke. I had tried some counseling at the office but them saying was just kidding was really just ignorance and actually very annoyed I was from that kind of response.

          I'm doing my best to only surround myself with good people. I have a small circle of friends really! Thanks for taking the time for the really concise answer, it's very logical

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Kuraudo View Post
            chanelle Thank you! I'm glad other people think the same that it doesn't matter that it was a joke. I had tried some counseling at the office but them saying was just kidding was really just ignorance and actually very annoyed I was from that kind of response.

            I'm doing my best to only surround myself with good people. I have a small circle of friends really! Thanks for taking the time for the really concise answer, it's very logical
            Thank you Kuraudo. Always remind yourself to use common sense and save yourself a lot of trouble. Disassociate with those who are not good for you and your life. Stay safe always. You can control your life in a healthy way. Control who is allowed in your life and dangerous or mentally ill characters need to stay out of your life for your own good. Always be smart. You'll thank yourself later!
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Kuraudo View Post
              Back in 2009, I ditched a long best friendship of 16 yrs. I didn't say anything, so that guy was pretty mad and left angry messages.
              Reason he was using drugs + also threatened to kill me if I told his mom (I never hinted it ).

              Was I right to do this? I feel remorse about it time to time.

              DETAIL:
              He was making a confession that he had some "E", some MJ and some other party speedballs and just said it like Btw, I'll kill you if you say anything to my Mom.
              Some people tell me oh, he was just joking but even so, I think his life was pretty downhill with his addictions and I'm not the guy who knows how to deal with these kind of people. I know other people are experts at dealing with drugees and can help turn friends around but I'm just not skilled. I didn't want to take the chance if anything were to happen and he had a lot bad influence party friends always around his house that I hated being around that were even more dangerous than him.

              There's other things that really bothered me, like leaving me out to dry at dinner. I mean over the years when I was totally broke, he's paid for my meal a lot. However, int the final stretch of our friendship he'd always ditch and I had no money to pay for it so I had to leave and be just as bad. This happened a lot and was very embarrassing for me! I just thought that was the last straw.

              I thought about contacting him a few times before, but I always stopped myself. Up until recently, I had a lot of mental health issues to deal with, it took 9 years to gain clarity. So really at the time he was too much for me.

              I recently checked his FB page and it seems he hasn't changed a bit in the party drug sense. Still posting pics of drugs on his wall. It seems his interests are greatly deviated from mine as well . Outside of his problems, He was a good human being and we always helped each other. I really hope him the best and his Mom did a lot for us both.
              You're vulnerable. I think it's the question itself and your desire to reconnect with bad influences. You aren't strong enough to walk away and that's a bad sign. Stop seeking validation from the same rotten circles. It doesn't matter whether he bought you food or not. He's still in the drug scene or buying/selling illegal drugs. If you're clean now you should be running for the hills and not going backwards. Work on your insecurities and strengthen your resolve if you want to remove yourself from these negative influences.

              Comment


              • #8
                Your doing the right thing and you know it ! Stay away for you , people who suffer from addiction often lose good people in their lives.
                This was his choice .
                Enjoy your good friends and keep moving in the direction that is right for you .

                It sounds like your getting your life together and thatís great !

                You can can still be greatful for the good memories you have , and what you have learned to become a better person, that was the purpose of the friendship.

                I would unfriend him from all social media and enjoy you new found healthy relationships with your god friends.

                your doing great things and came a long way , keep it up my friend!!
                It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

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