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How do I stop myself from being jealous of my sister?

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  • How do I stop myself from being jealous of my sister?

    Hi

    I love my sister, she's like a best friend to me. However, she's had a boyfriend for about 7 months now. (She's 18 and I'm 22)
    I don't know him that well and I don't really want to know him either. I wish I could be happy for her, I do want her to be happy. It's just the fact that I am so lonely myself. I feel like nobody wants me and guys only ever use me.

    She's always been better than me. She had better grades at school, was popular while I was really shy and never had real friends, she has lots of friends and goes out regularly. She's really pretty, has got a perfect body and I am a bit chubby, She's confident and funny while I'm just clumsy and awkward.
    I've come to terms with that though. We are just different people, and that's ok.

    It just hurts that she would be the first one to have a boyfriend. Even if she's 4 years younger than me. And I know, even 18 is a pretty normal age (if not late) for having a first relationship. It just makes me feel more abnormal.

    I don't know her boyfriend well, because I'm at uni and she still lives with my parents. But he's always there. She's even brought him to my grandpa's birthday (I wasn't there) which seems like a big deal to me. It just makes everything seem so serious.
    I don't know why I'm constantly comparing my life to hers but it's destroying me. I genuinely want to be happy for her. I just don't know how.






  • #2
    I think the only way you'll learn to be happy with her to gain confidence yourself. And I know, it's definitely not an easy thing to do. I was bullied in high school, and my self esteem has always been terrible. And envy is always paired with low self worth. Learn to love yourself, girl. I'm sure most of it is in your head. A little chub doesn't make you less pretty (many people prefer it!), and being introverted rather than extroverted doesn't make you a less awesome person.

    Happiness is within yourself. And it's so hard to find it sometimes. But just know, you don't have to do it alone. Seeking help is a sign of maturity and care for others and yourself. I'm sure you're beautiful. You actually remind me of an old friend of mine. She was beautiful too, and never knew it.

    Just try not to compare yourself to your sister. If you sister is beautiful, and you don't look like her, that doesn't make you not beautiful, too. Christmas lights and flowers look nothing alike, but both are beautiful.

    As for the boyfriend thing, I've found that things like that tend to come when you earn to stop worrying about it. Love yourself first before you love another, and things will be better on the long run. You got this!!

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    • #3
      You both shouldn't be in grade school anymore. You're 22. Are you still living at home and going to college? Or have you moved out and are supporting yourself? Try to find your own identity. Home can be a struggle if you don't know who you are or what you're capable of. Don't be afraid of making it on your own. You'll never find yourself if you don't try.

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      • #4
        No, we're not in school anymore. We both go to uni (we're in the UK, sorry if that was confusing). But her uni is in our home town so she still lives with my parents.
        I moved out nearly three years ago. My university's about three hours away by train. Which is why I can't see my family that often anymore.
        However, I'm graduating this summer and I've got a job offer close to where my family lives, so I'll probably move back to my home town.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Emma1996 View Post
          No, we're not in school anymore. We both go to uni (we're in the UK, sorry if that was confusing). But her uni is in our home town so she still lives with my parents.
          I moved out nearly three years ago. My university's about three hours away by train. Which is why I can't see my family that often anymore.
          However, I'm graduating this summer and I've got a job offer close to where my family lives, so I'll probably move back to my home town.
          This sounds very exciting. My suggestion is to keep being you and nevermind what people say or what they do. Love yourself and every quirky thing that makes up who you are. You're about to start an exciting time of your life. You did your time in uni and now you're free to do many things with your life. You'll also probably find yourself having more free time. Take that job offer if it's a good one and maintain your independence. Enjoy your home town and your relationships with your family but maintain a healthy distance and keep building your identity and independence. Meet people like you. Don't be afraid to try new things. Be ambitious and work towards post-grad certs or specialize or have another tool in your belt and learn a completely different field too later on. Save your money and be smart about how you use your time. I am very excited for you.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Emma1996 View Post
            No, we're not in school anymore. We both go to uni (we're in the UK, sorry if that was confusing). But her uni is in our home town so she still lives with my parents.
            I moved out nearly three years ago. My university's about three hours away by train. Which is why I can't see my family that often anymore.
            However, I'm graduating this summer and I've got a job offer close to where my family lives, so I'll probably move back to my home town.
            Well, that's great. You're doing well and you already have a job offer. That is something to be proud of. Try to concentrate on YOU and take the focus off of your sister. I think its common for siblings to have a bit of rivalry but you have to have the mind over matter to think your way to KNOWING that what she is doing isn't all that important to you.

            My mom used to say: "Every pot has a lid." You will find your match soon enough. In the meantime, work on being the best you that you can be. Join a gym, hire a life coach, join groups so you meet new people and form friendships. Life doesn't just fall in your lap, you have to seek it out.

            You've much to be proud of so don't talk yourself into being less then.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Emma1996 View Post
              Hi

              I love my sister, she's like a best friend to me. However, she's had a boyfriend for about 7 months now. (She's 18 and I'm 22)
              I don't know him that well and I don't really want to know him either. I wish I could be happy for her, I do want her to be happy. It's just the fact that I am so lonely myself. I feel like nobody wants me and guys only ever use me.

              She's always been better than me. She had better grades at school, was popular while I was really shy and never had real friends, she has lots of friends and goes out regularly. She's really pretty, has got a perfect body and I am a bit chubby, She's confident and funny while I'm just clumsy and awkward.
              I've come to terms with that though. We are just different people, and that's ok.

              It just hurts that she would be the first one to have a boyfriend. Even if she's 4 years younger than me. And I know, even 18 is a pretty normal age (if not late) for having a first relationship. It just makes me feel more abnormal.

              I don't know her boyfriend well, because I'm at uni and she still lives with my parents. But he's always there. She's even brought him to my grandpa's birthday (I wasn't there) which seems like a big deal to me. It just makes everything seem so serious.
              I don't know why I'm constantly comparing my life to hers but it's destroying me. I genuinely want to be happy for her. I just don't know how.




              Women always compare themselves to others and if they tell you otherwise, they're not completely truthful. You're only 22 years old and you're not exactly an old maid!

              I dated late in life. No guy ever asked me out for winter formal or prom. I never had a boyfriend in HS. My father passed away while I was quite young so I enrolled in college by day while working full-time night shift to support my widowed mother and siblings for years. I was overweight and out of shape. I figured I wasn't going to attract any man so I gave up on that notion and just lived my own life.

              Then I enrolled in a swim class, worked out, lost a lot of weight, looked great and felt great. I ran, too! I eventually transferred to full-time day shift and wow, I was now a "looker." Men paid attention to me. I went on dates. I had the world at my feet. I worked hard and concentrated on my life as opposed to worrying about whom to attract. I didn't even have to try. Men were automatically attracted to me and I didn't do anything to cause that to happen. They were attracted to me because I was oozing with self-confidence, high self-esteem, I exercised, dieted, became healthy, had the career path taken care of. I was pushing through an open door. What's attractive in a man or a woman is when they focus on themselves and they don't even have to try to attract the opposite gender. It's automatic. After that, I suddenly catapulted myself into higher social circles and a wonderful, wonderful world out there. I went from feeling lonely to saying, "Forget it. I'm just going to concentrate on my own life," to being happy with someone else. That draw occurs when you become your own person and create your own new identity. Focus on yourself, improve yourself, build your own self-worth, self-confidence and high-self esteem and it's like bees to honey. The rest takes care of itself. If I can do it, so you can you.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                Hey, its normal that you care about youre sister. And wants best for her. Best boyfriend, life and so on. So its ok.

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