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  • Boyfriends mum pushing me away?

    my partner is having surgery(rhinoplasty) which has terrified and scared me(due to previous experiences) and his mum is very involved with as she is paying for it. However I feel like I'm slowly being pushed away and told that I don't have any involvement.
    I'm the type of person that likes to ask lots of questions and find out what is going on as It makes me worry less, I have had to ask alot more questions than what I think I should and she Is neglecting to tell me any information.
    I understand that my boyfriends mum wants to be there for her son, however she has now told me that she if offended and has got pissed off and she feels like I'm asking too many questions and has said that I lack social skills.
    I'm his girlfriend surely I have the right to k ow what' going on when she tells me to not worry over and over again and that it is a small procedure, and that she keeps banging on how its her son and if there was any risk she wouldn't put me through it?

    I forgot to say that he is having it abroad and she initially said I wasn't allowed to come and when my partner said that I will be coming she got very annoyed.

    the whole time my partner hasn't really said anything as his mum is very stubborn and stern and has previously said that her son's previous relationships were stupid as she didn't think the girls were good enough for her son.

    I'm tired of being in the middle between him and his mum and will never leave him as we have both said that we are not giving her the satisfaction of letting her win and ruin another relationship,but I don't know what to say or do as I'm not allowed to comment and have an opinion without her getting offended and pissed off and then she says to my partner that I make everything awkward, my partner has even said to me to stop complaining and to stop talking infront of his mum as even then she gets angry when he confronts her and moans at him?

    I'm at my wits end, what can I say to her as she says I can be childish too?

  • #2
    will never leave him as we have both said that we are not giving her the satisfaction of letting her win and ruin another relationship,but I don't know what to say or do as I'm not allowed to comment and have an opinion without her getting offended and pissed off
    Then all I can say is mind your own business and save your questions for your boyfriend.

    Your boyfriend has even asked you to stop it so why can't you?

    How long have you dated him? (if you marry him, this is what you will endure always because he's not strong enough to tell her to get over herself)
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      I'm sorry why should I stop commenting and telling my opinion and expressing how I feel about something?
      I would certainly say that it's better to say what I'm feeling and how I feel about something instead of keeping my mouth shut and making myself feel worse?
      I shouldn't feel penalised about expressing my opinion when they clearly say they are offended and pissed off, that's being hypocritical?

      it's not that he doesn't have the guts he just doesnt want to put up with it anymore and he doesnt even know how to tell her to atop acting the way she is as he has told her so many times.

      i would also like to add, that an opinion from my mum, surely his mum should be glad that I care for her son and that I am showing how much he means to me by being there for him. not the opposite?
      Last edited by ame_638; May 7th, 2018, 03:01 PM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by ame_638 View Post
        I'm sorry why should I stop commenting and telling my opinion and expressing how I feel about something?
        Because you piss off his mother and your boyfriend has asked you to.

        I would certainly say that it's better to say what I'm feeling and how I feel about something instead of keeping my mouth shut and making myself feel worse?
        It's not all about you though. If you are told to stop asking about something, that it will be fine and that they will inform you as they know more, then the right thing to do is to sit tight and wait and TRUST that his own mother is looking after his best interests.

        I shouldn't feel penalised about expressing my opinion when they clearly say they are offended and pissed off, that's being hypocritical?
        What?

        it's not that he doesn't have the guts he just doesnt want to put up with it anymore and he doesnt even know how to tell her to atop acting the way she is as he has told her so many times.
        Then what you see is what you get. Can you handle a life of it? She's his mother and it doesn't look like he's going to give her up any time soon. She IS paying for his nose job so it's obvious that he likes the benefits of her being his mother.

        i would also like to add, that an opinion from my mum, surely his mum should be glad that I care for her son and that I am showing how much he means to me by being there for him. not the opposite?
        You can be there for him without causing the mother to rag on you, all you have to do is figure out how to do that. If you want to be happy with him, then you should learn how to get along with his mother and if that seems impossible, then join the rest of the woman your b/f has dated and she's pushed away ~ so you say.

        Bottom line is that what you're doing with her now isn't making you any happier then if you just stopped voicing your opinion so many times. She may be the twat you say she is but that's neither here nor there. You're not going to change her by arguing with her and causing your b/f grief when he's about to have an operation which is stressful enough in itself. Have some restraint at this time.
        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 7th, 2018, 03:19 PM.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ame_638 View Post
          my partner is having surgery(rhinoplasty) which has terrified and scared me(due to previous experiences) and his mum is very involved with as she is paying for it. However I feel like I'm slowly being pushed away and told that I don't have any involvement.
          I'm the type of person that likes to ask lots of questions and find out what is going on as It makes me worry less, I have had to ask alot more questions than what I think I should and she Is neglecting to tell me any information.
          I understand that my boyfriends mum wants to be there for her son, however she has now told me that she if offended and has got pissed off and she feels like I'm asking too many questions and has said that I lack social skills.
          I'm his girlfriend surely I have the right to k ow what' going on when she tells me to not worry over and over again and that it is a small procedure, and that she keeps banging on how its her son and if there was any risk she wouldn't put me through it?

          I forgot to say that he is having it abroad and she initially said I wasn't allowed to come and when my partner said that I will be coming she got very annoyed.

          the whole time my partner hasn't really said anything as his mum is very stubborn and stern and has previously said that her son's previous relationships were stupid as she didn't think the girls were good enough for her son.

          I'm tired of being in the middle between him and his mum and will never leave him as we have both said that we are not giving her the satisfaction of letting her win and ruin another relationship,but I don't know what to say or do as I'm not allowed to comment and have an opinion without her getting offended and pissed off and then she says to my partner that I make everything awkward, my partner has even said to me to stop complaining and to stop talking infront of his mum as even then she gets angry when he confronts her and moans at him?

          I'm at my wits end, what can I say to her as she says I can be childish too?
          May I ask what the rhinoplasty is for? I've only mostly heard of it as cosmetic surgery. If it's cosmetic, it seems a bit odd that he's doing it for one (his personal choice) and even more odd that his mother's paying for it. Or is it to correct something else?

          People sense whether someone is argumentative or whether a person likes the sound of their own voice and generally most people will get fed up of of someone who is full of noise. I'd say pick your battles and let it go. It doesn't help anyone and least of all yourself trying to win this relationship for the sake of it. I understand it will feel like you failed taking a step back but in retrospect you'll look back and realize you instead took two steps forward. You have to be happy with yourself deep down and be confident that you consistently make the right choices for you. Use that time of quiet or reflection to think on whether this is the right man for you in the first place. If he is, be patient with him (and his mother). If he isn't, you know what to do.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; May 7th, 2018, 06:56 PM.

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