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My friends boyfriend tried to kiss me, help?

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  • My friends boyfriend tried to kiss me, help?

    Hey so I have an issue and would like some advice . my friend and her boyfriend are all close , they are moving out of the home we share and switching to a different crew so we will have opposite days off. They basically bailed on the lease we had and with miscommunication we got in a very ugly fight. Her boyfriend .Is always very calm aand rational so took over because my friend becomes very self centered and childish and unreasonable really. On our way home he asked if I'd like to have some beers and chat about everything, I agreed and we drank and he vented about his relationship after we talked about everything else
    He toldtold me my friend didn't want to live with me because she didn't trust me with what j was saying to her boyfriend! I was angry because I always have helped her, whenwhen she relapsed when she was homeless ...I was always the one to try and build her up .I was reevaluating my friendship with her at this point and he further told me she becomes abusive with him .And in arguments will duno drinks on him hit him etc .I wasn't shocked unfortunately and expressed my concern. We were both quite drunk now and we hugged and said we were going yo miss each other and was upset with how things turned out .We held for a while and then he grabbed my hand and held it. I have a boyfriend of 8 years who I love very much .So I considered this all just a act of friendship, foolish now that I look back .He then told me he believed I was his soul mate and we were meant to be together, i was shocked. I didnt want to hurt his feelings and. I told him I cared for him deeply but he needs to work on his relationship and although me and my bf fight we love each other. But maybe in a. Different world or of we met at a different time .He then tried to kiss me and I pulled away, he just said no ? And I said no I would never do that to my friend. Even if I'm upset with her that's not right. The next day he acted nirmal and watched a show with me .I wonder if he may of blacked out and can't remember .

    I feel filled with guilt and shame .I shouldn't of been so close with him and maybe shouldn't of hugged him or let him touch my hand. I do not want to tell my friend or boyfrboyfriendboyfrboyfriend for fear of the drama. Im considering just removing both of them from my life and letting it go .What do you think? Was I in the wrong as well ?Should I tell or should I just keep it to myself? My friend is no angel and I hold a secret for her becausr at work she started falling for a guy and said if he touched her she would lose control. And. Couldn't stop him ,she was very flirty but as far as I know nothing happened but still. They both are toxic and I have a feeling if I told it would cause a huge fight but they'd stay together and the solution would be end it with me anyways . Thanks fofor any help !
    Last edited by Toxil; April 19th, 2018, 12:28 PM.

  • #2
    Pics or it didn't happen.

    In other words. Keep it to yourself and just let them leave and be their own dysfunctional partners without your interference.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      If you are concerned about how your BF will react, do tell him exactly what happened & assure him that both your roommate & her BF are out of your life but don't get in the middle of their drama

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Toxil View Post
        Hey so I have an issue and would like some advice . my friend and her boyfriend are all close , they are moving out of the home we share and switching to a different crew so we will have opposite days off. They basically bailed on the lease we had and with miscommunication we got in a very ugly fight. Her boyfriend .Is always very calm aand rational so took over because my friend becomes very self centered and childish and unreasonable really. On our way home he asked if I'd like to have some beers and chat about everything, I agreed and we drank and he vented about his relationship after we talked about everything else
        He toldtold me my friend didn't want to live with me because she didn't trust me with what j was saying to her boyfriend! I was angry because I always have helped her, whenwhen she relapsed when she was homeless ...I was always the one to try and build her up .I was reevaluating my friendship with her at this point and he further told me she becomes abusive with him .And in arguments will duno drinks on him hit him etc .I wasn't shocked unfortunately and expressed my concern. We were both quite drunk now and we hugged and said we were going yo miss each other and was upset with how things turned out .We held for a while and then he grabbed my hand and held it. I have a boyfriend of 8 years who I love very much .So I considered this all just a act of friendship, foolish now that I look back .He then told me he believed I was his soul mate and we were meant to be together, i was shocked. I didnt want to hurt his feelings and. I told him I cared for him deeply but he needs to work on his relationship and although me and my bf fight we love each other. But maybe in a. Different world or of we met at a different time .He then tried to kiss me and I pulled away, he just said no ? And I said no I would never do that to my friend. Even if I'm upset with her that's not right. The next day he acted nirmal and watched a show with me .I wonder if he may of blacked out and can't remember .

        I feel filled with guilt and shame .I shouldn't of been so close with him and maybe shouldn't of hugged him or let him touch my hand. I do not want to tell my friend or boyfrboyfriendboyfrboyfriend for fear of the drama. Im considering just removing both of them from my life and letting it go .What do you think? Was I in the wrong as well ?Should I tell or should I just keep it to myself? My friend is no angel and I hold a secret for her becausr at work she started falling for a guy and said if he touched her she would lose control. And. Couldn't stop him ,she was very flirty but as far as I know nothing happened but still. They both are toxic and I have a feeling if I told it would cause a huge fight but they'd stay together and the solution would be end it with me anyways . Thanks fofor any help !
        I'd steer clear of these people. For all his concerns about his relationship, he is acting like a real jerk 1) not moderating his alcohol consumption and 2) being very disrespectful to you as an individual. I think you're making bad decisions hanging around him and watching that show together. There's no reason to be anywhere near her boyfriend. Leave them alone. Your gut feelings are right so listen to them. Don't beat yourself up endlessly. Just tell yourself you're not going to let it happen again and don't speak to them again. It sounds like your friend already knows you're trouble and her boyfriend is a real piece of work. Leave them to their own karma.

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        • #5
          I knew someone who was in a similar situation. There was immediate estrangement between the victim and the couple following sexual harassment. The victim did not come forward. Years passed. Then they rekindled their friendship and the victim came forward to the wife of the husband who harassed the victim. When the wife confronted her husband regarding the sexual harassment (in addition to other victims on his list), of course, he vehemently denied it. If you remain silent, two scenarios could happen. Either your friend's boyfriend will admit or deny it. Or, if you wait until later, most likely he'll deny it. You'll be perceived as a liar either way because there are no witnesses, you have no proof nor evidence. The wife or girlfriend will most likely believe you if there were a string of victims before you but if they never came forward and if you're the first to come forward, most likely both of them will label you as a liar. Either way the victim is disgusted by the boyfriend (or husband's) untoward behavior.

          IMHO the best thing to do is to immediately cease all contact with the friend & boyfriend. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's a lose-lose situation whether you choose to remain silent or come forward now or later. For your own safety and protection, I would not want a relationship / friendship with your friend and boyfriend forever. Stay away from those afflicted with serious mental disorders. Those types of people will entangle you into their sick lives and drag you down with them. It's best to stay away. Far away. Create and enforce permanent healthy boundaries for yourself. Surround yourself with honorable, very moral people.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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