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  • #16
    True that Rose, thank you much. I hear you, you need to do what you need to do which is to make yourself happy. You have to put your foot down and speak up otherwise you end up doing things against your will which is never good. I agree.

    As for me, the perpetrator and I shared some pretty darn good childhood memories together, we grew up together despite fractured families later on down the road. In an ideal world, relations are great and enduring, family ties with extended members are still connected, we occasionally get together despite the geography and that's what a lot of people want granted the relationship is sound. For the perp, the problem was whom she married, his negative influences on her and she had that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. You know, monkey see monkey do. Many times, the people whom you live with are negative influences and you can take a once innocent, decent person and they eventually become tainted and corrupted. It happens. Unfortunately, this type of behavior does damage to interpersonal relationships; it does not stay within the home. Instead, this psyche is practiced onto others which is controlling, deceitful and evil. I don't mince words when I say that and even then unless a person experiences this sociopathic behavior, the worst words to describe them will always be an understatement. Anyway, the regret is realizing people change due to who enters their lives during adulthood and you discover you don't know them anymore whether it was an extended family member, direct family member, friend, spouse, partner or whomever. Oh well. Life goes on I suppose. All I can convince myself is that there are times when life is better now with less destructive, harmful and disastrous people in it. Actually, I have a loving family member who saved me, had my back and this individual was the one who gave me the heads-up about this "character" and told me to cut it off with her as I did albeit grudgingly at first. In the end, I acquiesced and I'm better for it. I didn't see the benefit at first but over time after I had read a ton of books about sociopaths, I'm actually relieved and grateful to have rid of her. Some people are downright scary. Yikes! I stay away from those with serious mental disorders who go out of their way to make your life miserable. Currently, I enjoy living separate peaceful lives and living my "new normal" which is quite refreshing. I'm currently at peace with family and in-laws. It's a happy medium with everyone. We're not sugary syrupy sweet towards one another but we're peaceful types.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #17
      Peaceful is good. Better than swinging from extremes and no news is always good news! At least for me.

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      • #18
        Yes, peaceful is good, Rose. Relationships aren't always going to be what we want them to be. There is peace in my life but it was such a long, turbulent road to arrive at this point. Peace is such a learning curve! Unfortunately, I've had to learn harsh lessons in order to attain it. I prefer my "new normal" life nowadays. No more weird, psycho people in my midst if I can help it!
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #19
          Chanelle, I thought of you and those troublesome family members. Have a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkWeIVIcXYY

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          • #20
            Thanks Rose, that's a cool song. One of the family members and her husband who are sociopaths, thankfully reside faraway. Out of sight out of mind there. Our paths never cross anymore. As for relatives and in-laws, we're all good. We may not be sugary syrupy sweet on each other but we're not at each others throats either. There's a happy medium, good boundaries type of peace and whatever works. I think being too close is way overrated anyway. That's for the movies and fantasy land. There are risks with being too close, manners get pitched out the window, strong opinions are inserted, fangs, claws and daggers come out and before you know, you'll be dodging verbal or written bullets. Not my cup of tea. Right now everyone is cordial and behaving themselves. By not being too close, there's more self-control. I love my family (relatives and in-laws) dearly as long we're not in each others faces. As long as we don't over do it with togetherness, peace abounds. For the first time in my life, I'm not engaged in conflict with anyone. I didn't think I'd live to tell about it. If you would've asked me a few years ago, I would've told you my life felt like a depressing, miserable mess but nowadays I'm finally having my day in the sun. It was a long time coming. I am grateful.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #21
              That is wonderful. Onwards and forwards.

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