Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Work friendship gone sour

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Work friendship gone sour

    Well this is more of a friendship breakup, but painful nonetheless. Im a married male and she is also married. We met over 5 months ago at work and even joked about being work spouses. During the last 4 months or so we flirted in a friendly way back and forth. Until the last month or so that is. She began acting differently and no longer texted me, etc. I immed. began thinking negatively and accused her of talking to another male colleague. She vehemently denies this and told me that she needs time to think about things before we talk again. The last thing she said was that it feels like a bad breakup. We both love our spouses dearly and told each other personal info like good friends, but now it seems bleak. We even complimented one another and vented about our jobs. Iím thinking that I was more invested in our friendship and now Iím more or less friendless at work. Any suggestions or feedback is welcome.

  • #2
    The first thing you need to do is start being honest with yourself. This was not just a 'friendship.' One doesn't flirt with one's friends. You were attracted to her and having an emotional affair, complete with jealousy over her talking to another man.

    You say you love your spouse, but your actions don't back that up. One who loves a spouse does not put himself in a position of temptation. If she's pulling back, my guess is that she's realizing that now. If you're friendless at work, that's your fault. You've probably been chasing her skirt for so long, you didn't have time to make any friends.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the brutal honesty. I work in a chaotic work environment and a majority of the other male colleagues are single. I guess I justified talking to her bc she is also married and was okay. Iím realizing that itís not and unfortunately my wife doesnt want to hear me vent about my day so Iíll have find another avenue(s). Thanks!

      Comment


      • #4
        Not that this matters neccess. but she initiated contact w/ me from the beginning. She gave me her ph. number and said to call her anytime. I was leery about it, but of course I accepted the invitation and here I am now. Another question I have is how do I react when I see her at work bc other colleagues may b noticing the tension, etc.?

        Comment


        • #5
          You're right. It doesn't matter that she gave you her phone number. What matters is that you acted on it.

          Just smile and say hello and move on. Don't engage in conversations other than polite civilities. When you see her, think about your wife.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

          Comment


          • #6
            Great advice! Fortunately, I dont have to run into her often and when I did I gave her a hello nod and she ignored me. Thatís fine, but I guess Iíll just continue to do the same routine regardless. Otherwise I can just ignore her and look away I guess.

            Comment


            • #7
              This wasn't a friendship at all. If you're flirting and expressing jealousy, you've got feelings for each other but are in denial and making excuses. Please extract yourself from this mess and make it up to yourself, your wife, whatever God/s you pray to, the night sky or a hallowed tree because this isn't right. If you have a monogamous marriage and relationship with your wife, you've betrayed her and the vows you made. You've also lied to yourself and broke the promises you made to be faithful. Griping about work-related problems non-stop is cyclical and toxic and as the saying goes, misery loves company. If you need an outlet join a volunteer group somewhere, take a second job, maybe read articles about how to better your marriage or build a shed and do something productive fixing things, painting. Go to your local animal shelter and volunteer to walk the dogs. I can name you a billion ways to occupy your mind more constructively instead of breaking your vows or growing a toxic personality.

              Comment


              • #8
                I do feel really guilty for partaking in those inapprop. discussions and even though I ddinít physically cheat I did emotionally. It looks like I have a lot of work to do and need to take care of myself, preoccupy my time better, etc.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Not that it matters but I saw her today at work and she was hanging out w/ another male colleague. New Ďfriendí I presume. She didnít say two words to me. So much for her denying her other Ďfriendshipí to me. I suppose her actions would make her an adulterer too as she seems to b rather chummy w/ him. In my opinion it could b worse bc sheís prob doing him

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Get her out of your head, man**
                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      CD, have you heard of the saying "don't shit where you eat"? I don't know what type of company you work at but whatever is going on recently there is as unprofessional as it gets. It's not unheard of to be fired or laid off instantly for dating a fellow employee. It's for people like this. Please don't go down that road again and if you are so inspired, why not also find a better employer who implements those regulations if you cannot help yourself. I think you deserve a healthy and way more positive change.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Yeah the workplace is very chaotic. Im seeking other employment and sadly I almost hope they lay me off so I can collect unemployment while looking for better jobs. Prob is they arent a dime a dozen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Good. This place isn't so hot from the sounds of it. Some place you can grow and don't sleep with anyone there no matter how persuasive they are. It's so easy to find a fwb, a one nighter, a user, a manipulator, a freak. Log into your local dating site and you'll find tons of nutjob women (and men) with the click of a button; why take the risk of doing it at work. Don't treat your life and your peace of mind as disposable. If you're going to meet someone for real(serious relationship), do it right and find out more about them before putting all your cards on the table. Good luck.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by CD da man View Post
                            Well this is more of a friendship breakup, but painful nonetheless. Im a married male and she is also married. We met over 5 months ago at work and even joked about being work spouses. During the last 4 months or so we flirted in a friendly way back and forth. Until the last month or so that is. She began acting differently and no longer texted me, etc. I immed. began thinking negatively and accused her of talking to another male colleague. She vehemently denies this and told me that she needs time to think about things before we talk again. The last thing she said was that it feels like a bad breakup. We both love our spouses dearly and told each other personal info like good friends, but now it seems bleak. We even complimented one another and vented about our jobs. Iím thinking that I was more invested in our friendship and now Iím more or less friendless at work. Any suggestions or feedback is welcome.
                            You're both married. As with anyone who is married or in a relationship with their SO (significant other), there are boundaries to be respected. Lunch with co-workers is ok but be careful not to make it a habitual habit and when there's closeness involved such as texting and / or electronic communication, you have to remain polite but not chummy. Or, know to cut it off and just keep your coworker life at the workplace without crossing over and getting personal. That's a no-no. Also, don't get personal about workplace complaints or gripes otherwise it could backfire one day. So-called friends are friends one day and could betray you the next day. You never know so better to remain silent in that regard. Cover your back door. Even though your work environment is bleak, keep it business like. Be natural and kind but not anymore than that. Know where to draw the line. I've worked for a long time and yes, you need to be friendless in a way, be nice but not too nice.
                            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thanks Chanelle. Unfortunately we already crossed that line, but not as of lately. She told me not to contact her anymore and give her time. Iím trying to respect that, however another colleague said they heard something about me that came directly from her but wont tell me what was said. Iím very anxious about that bc I have no clue what sheíd tell others. I effed up big time getting personal w/ her and now she may have it out for me. I dont want this to go to HR and if it does weíd both prob get screwed so Im thinking she won't do that but the question is will one of the gossipers complain. Idk but I stay away from her work area and purposely avoid saying hi to her and the others as well. I actually met a couple other colleagues that sit near me and weíre truly just work friends which is what shouldíve happened w/ her in the first place. Lesson effing learned!

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X