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My uncle lacked respect about my deceased father. I need your opinions.

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  • My uncle lacked respect about my deceased father. I need your opinions.

    Hello everyone,

    First of all, excuse me for any errors in english language because I'm french. As the title says, my uncle lacked respect about my attachment for my deceased father and it really hurt me. My father really was my hero and I love him with all my heart so it was devastative when he passed away 6 years ago because of cancer.

    Fast forward to a few months ago. One of my uncles (with whom I'm not close and we barely know each other) came to my mother's house with his wife. I was here so we spoke for a few hours. When they were kids, my uncle was "friend" with my father. I put "friends" in quotes because they respectively had other friends, they only hung out occasionally and since I was born, I never saw them hang out together. My father almost never went to his home and he almost never came to our home. Maybe one or two times in 20 years. They also both lived in poverty when they were kids, and my father even more.

    So we were tchatting and he began to talk about how poor my father was. But it wasn't with compassion, it was almost disdain. At one point her wife even smirked when he was telling details about how poor my father was. Naturally, I felt a bit upset about this and when my mother joined the conversation I asked to change the subject and my uncle replied curtly "Yes, he lived in misery, that's the truth!"...I was flabbergasted.

    First of all, it's not about truth or not, I know that my father was poor when he was a kid, it's about respecting people's feelings and respecting when the son of a deceased father asks to change the subject because it saddens him. And my uncle lived in poverty too as a kid, it's not as if he grew up in Beverly Hills. Shortly after that, I left the house without saying goodbye to them. Apparently it's not the first time he tries to belittle some people. His brother for instance (who is way nicer and respectful than him) told me that he went to his house once and he swore never to return because he told me that he belittled him all night. He told me that despite the fact hat he is his brother, he prefer to stay away from him because he's too arrogant and condescending. Anyway, I'm really hurt about his behavior because like I said, my father really was my hero and he was a gentle, kind person who never talked bad about anyone.

    What do you guys think? Do you also think that it was cruel and disrespectful?

    Thanks you for your opinions because his arrogant behavior really hurt me.

  • #2
    Look, I think you're a bit overly sensitive. Some people are a little rough around the edges when it comes to polite conversation. You should have just overlooked what he said. His words about your father don't change a thing about how you felt about him. Let it go. It's not like you have to see him all the time.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Your uncle sounds like a sad, spiteful person. Don't associate with him & don't take anything he says to heart!


      • #4
        I don't think your uncle sounds like a sad or disrespectful person. I think he was just relating a tale about their childhood and perhaps said uncle didn't suffer as much because he was able to get out of his situation before your father was.

        I too think that you would do yourself a favor to put this behind you. I'd think that your Dad wouldn't want you to hold a grudge against his brother.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!