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My Grandparents Don’t Approve of My Engagement. Help!

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  • My Grandparents Don’t Approve of My Engagement. Help!

    I belong to a very big family with strong bonds and close family ties. My relatives and I are all very close with one another including my parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Growing up, we all lived close within the same location or state. Every occasion, there will certainly be a family reunion or gathering where we all share the same meal and spend time together.

    Recently, within the year, one of my cousins introduced me the concept of online dating. I thought it was about time for me to try interacting with someone new. I signed up on an international online dating site called (deleted) and matched up with this great woman from Columbia. We’ve been communicating for about a few months now and got into a relationship.

    It took me some time to grasp the situation between me and her but I finally realize that she’s the one. I met her abroad in her hometown for a few days and proposed to her. We’ve made a few plans for our future together but the only problem that remains was breaking the news to my family. A few of my cousins and relatives who are about the same age or younger than me already know about my plans.

    The thing is, my older folks still believe in the traditional ways back in the day where they are unfamiliar with the internet and modern technology we have today. When I finally told them during our recent family get together, everyone was thrilled except for my grandparents. They don’t believe in the type of romance I have with my gf and they’re afraid it might not work out. My grandparents are like the heads of the family.

    Whatever they say, goes and whatever they dislike, won’t get their approval. I seriously need some help you guys. Is there anything I can do to change their minds? My girlfriend’s coming over soon to meet them and I’m absolutely freaking out with everything that’s going on. I will willingly accept any advice, tips, or suggestions you guys have. Help!!!!
    Last edited by SarahLancaster; January 3rd, 2018, 07:43 PM.

  • #2
    Please verify that you are not spam.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      and yet another "international dating site" Is it the same site that Maggie ad to delete?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Yes. But this one doesn't look cut and pasted. We'll see.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
          Please verify that you are not spam.
          I'm really sorry if this came off looking like spam, I'm really not trying to.I can't really ask for advice from my friends, because to be honest, they don't really approve of my current situation either. The relatives I'm close with are aware of the situation, but they're not much help in figuring out how to get my grandparents to be more accepting of my engagement. What's really bad is that my entire family kind of hangs on the decisions of the elders, so if they don't approve of our engagement, they can influence the rest of the family into not helping out or even to miss the entire thing altogether. It's weird, I know, but if anyone has any idea how to convince my grandparents to be happy for me, that would really be a great help.

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          • #6
            Shouldn't you be discussing this with your bride to be? Or is there a major language barrier? Or are you feeling a bit too cool for school and it'd ruin the suave look if you brought up your conundrum with her? If this isn't something you're comfortable discussing with your new fiancee, I don't think she's the one. If you feel she'll be intimidated, she isn't the one. If you don't feel she'd make the right sacrifices or understand your culture, she isn't the one. If she does check off all the above, then I think you should be making plans with her and assuaging both your fears together while you plan for your future. You should really be working together as a team on this.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by ryan28 View Post
              I belong to a very big family with strong bonds and close family ties. My relatives and I are all very close with one another including my parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Growing up, we all lived close within the same location or state. Every occasion, there will certainly be a family reunion or gathering where we all share the same meal and spend time together.

              Recently, within the year, one of my cousins introduced me the concept of online dating. I thought it was about time for me to try interacting with someone new. I signed up on an international online dating site called (deleted) and matched up with this great woman from Columbia. We’ve been communicating for about a few months now and got into a relationship.

              It took me some time to grasp the situation between me and her but I finally realize that she’s the one. I met her abroad in her hometown for a few days and proposed to her. We’ve made a few plans for our future together but the only problem that remains was breaking the news to my family. A few of my cousins and relatives who are about the same age or younger than me already know about my plans.

              The thing is, my older folks still believe in the traditional ways back in the day where they are unfamiliar with the internet and modern technology we have today. When I finally told them during our recent family get together, everyone was thrilled except for my grandparents. They don’t believe in the type of romance I have with my gf and they’re afraid it might not work out. My grandparents are like the heads of the family.

              Whatever they say, goes and whatever they dislike, won’t get their approval. I seriously need some help you guys. Is there anything I can do to change their minds? My girlfriend’s coming over soon to meet them and I’m absolutely freaking out with everything that’s going on. I will willingly accept any advice, tips, or suggestions you guys have. Help!!!!
              I have to ask since you know that your grandparents would never approve of a girl you met online, why you would be so cavalier as to start dating a girl you met online.

              If you care so much about needing their approval then you were certainly not using your common sense by joining such a site.

              Nothing we can do here to get your grandparents to change their ways.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                By your timeline, you've only known this woman a few months and spent a few days with her before deciding that she is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.

                ANYONE, including your grandparents and friends, with half a brain would rightly consider making such a serious life decision on such limited information to be absolutely foolish.

                Frankly, I'm surprised that you had anyone support you in this decision.

                If you want your grandparents to treat your decision seriously, then treat this like a serious decision. Bring your girlfriend home. Introduce her to your friends and family. Spend lots of time getting to know her. Visit her in her own country for LOTS of time---at least six months. Observe her with her friends and family.

                After all of that, if you are still convinced she is your life partner, then bring her back to your grandparents and convince them that you have seriously considered your decision and determined that she is the right person for you. At that point, your grandparents can respect your decision and, hopefully, support it.

                Good luck
                Last edited by Pollon; January 5th, 2018, 04:54 AM.

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                • #9
                  Precisely that ^^
                  Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                  • #10
                    I don't think this is spam.

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                    • #11
                      Introduce your fiancee to your grandparents and she just might grow on them. You never know. Have faith. If they don't approve, oh well. It's your life and you do as you please. It's your decision regarding whom you prefer to marry.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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