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Reasonable or Offensive?

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  • Reasonable or Offensive?


    I have some questions on which I need some suggestions or opinions.

    I was asking some questions on a thread I created on another forum, and mentioned a book which is a best seller on Amazon with thousands of positve reviews and five stars, because I quoted the words, as the context is important for people to understand my questions.

    A person named Tom, which I coined for the convenience of discussion here, but is not his screen name, helped me out witih my questions, but he then made uncalled-for comment, "Don't treat the book as scientific book. It is bullsh*t", blah, blah...", generally heaping up with insults without any specific rebuttals on the points of the book. I'm sure he doesn't read the book.

    At first I thanked him for his help, and let it go. But a few hours later, I felt uncomfortable about his remarks I mentioned above, when the remarks popped up again on my mind, because I felt like being a three-year old being tutored, and my judgement and taste were being insulted, and I was being instructed, though he commented mostly on the book, except for "Don't treat the book as scientific book".

    I told him I just wanted to tell him I felt uncomfortable about his remarks. I welcomed and was open to the specific opinions but not in generality. And please don't throw a web blanket on my reading, and allow me to choose what I want, etc. meanwhile I expressed my appreciation to his help all the time". I don't exactly remember what I said now, but I know I tried my best to be friendly to him in the a few posts of mine at the beginning, and yes, in my view later our remarks were rude to each other because it seemed to me that he tried to lord over me and ignored this request, and I lost my patienece.

    He argued, "That's his opinion and this is public forum". I don't have any objection about his opinion on the book, but he said that to my face, and seemed to me in an instructive manner with the wording like "bullsh*t" I personally was upset to read. That is not a thread about book reviews at all, and I never requested that. He directly addressed to me, and no other people responded to the thread before.

    Thus, a fuss was kicked up on and on on the thread I created.

    And this is the second time. On another thread of mine, I was asking about a question. He didn't address to the topic, and didn't to answer to my question but simply told me what I was reading was pseudoscience in generality. But we didn't argue that time.

    I'm a person who is conscious of my own boundaries, so I would respond so. I would like we, Tom and I, discussed in a manner and way that both of us are comfortable. I loathe people to judge me, my reading, etc without my verification, because I'm have an independent personality, and treat myself independently.

    I have quitted from there for good now. Honestly I am not seeking for emotional comfort here, but I would like to know whether or not my request about that was reasonable, and his remarks would sound offensive to some of you, because English is not my native language, and I'm not sure if it is cause by cultural differences, but from my own experiences I sense many people there highly respect the boundaries of individuals. If my request was inappropriate, it might make me to reflect myself, and consider how to more diplomatically rephrase my wording in the future in such a similar case.

    Please let me know the opinions of yours. I especially hope SarahLancaster could read this thread of mine, and gave me your opinion or suggestion, because I happened to read some comments of her on another thread and I felt those were very sensible, and pertinent to the topic when I registered.

    Thank you all in advance, and Happy New Year!

    SarahLancaster, I hope I don't bother you.
    Last edited by treesky; December 30th, 2017, 09:21 PM.

  • #2
    treesky, do you need a safe space from harsh comments? Toughen up, dude. It's the internet. People aren't always kind.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Me thinks Treesky might have come to the wrong place to get him some empathy.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        He needs to visit

        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay