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New Friend, unsure of feelings

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  • New Friend, unsure of feelings


    Someone was in touch with me on social media in November, they were moving to my hometown and wanting to touch base with local people. I understood this to be that locals can help or advise them if they're stuck or simply in need of a friendly face of support as a move can be stressful and scary.

    I've been private messaging this guy, answering his questions and showing him nice places to explore when her got here. He works long shifts that change on a weekly basis so both of us are usually able to message in real-time as his new job is very quiet her can be messaging on the side without itt affecting duties. We happen to have a few things have in common.

    I'm a bit confused though. He ends lots of his messages with a 'x' which I'm guessing are just friendly innocuous X's but sometimes he'll go to town with two or three X's dyer a message. I know I only do that if I'm on a relationship with someone so it feels a bit strange. I don't send x's in return, only issued them in the context of a response to something sad being said.

    He has offered to take me out in his campervan, since we chat into the small hours, he said he reckons we could chat until sunrise and a campervan trip would be perfect. He's mentioned it more than once and although I'm open to adventures I'm conscious I've only known him little over a month so don't take him up on the idea.
    So, yesterday I said something that in hindsight could be read as being flirty but it was just the way I'd worded it but he said "you do know I'm not single', don't you?" I shrugged off my message saying "haha I didn't mean to like that!!" Bit at the samee time I was shocked that he'd never mentioned his girlfriend.. when I asked when she was moving here, he told me she arrived in November with him.
    There I was messaging him partly in support of the big move as I understand it can be a lonely time in. A new place before you find your feet. I'd sent him a Christmas card addressed to him and. His pet dog but was mortified to think if I knew he had a girlfriend I would have definitely added here name to thee card as well.
    After he told me about hiss girlfriend, he said the both work in the same job but unfortunately they clover one another's shifts which means they rarely see one another. I may be reading into it but I'm wondering if he's messaging me because he's not having quality time with her.
    He's told me before " I think we have a connection.." and after telling me off his girlfriend, her told me " I really really like you"

    I feel like I'm getting mixed messages here, I don't want to drive a wedge between him a d BJ's girlfriend but I know if I were her I'd be upset knowing my boyfriend was speaking to another girl into the early hours of the morning.

    What I find difficult is that my friends all left this area in the last year and it's fantastic now having someone new too chat with and we do genuinely have a lot in common. I'm just a bit confused on how to approach the situation to make it more inclusive of hiss girlfriend but with them having different work shifts it'll bee almost impossible to see them at the same time. I really don't want to be "that girl who who's hanging out with my boyfriend.."

  • #2
    He has been chatting you up secretly behind his girlfriend's back (as far as you know) and he's suggested a "campervan trip" with you --presumably alone. If you somehow think that his girlfriend would be okay with this whole "relationship" then I'd suggest you're nuts.

    For the sake of argument, let's suppose he broke up with his girlfriend and struck up a relationship with you. Could you ever trust him?

    How about you suggest he introduce you to his girlfriend and see how he reacts. If he doesn't jump at the chance, you know he's a cheating snake.


    • #3
      He is a nasty piece of work, in my opinion. Chatting with you, inviting you on a camper trip...and then becoming indignant when you assume he's single.

      I would save all of his texts and send them to his girlfriend.

      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        We'll, that's the interesting thing. I did say I'd love to meet her sometime and he says she's great. I have a funny feeling that he's actually innocently asking without realising how it sounds. I'm a pretty good judge of character but he has me somewhat perplexed.
        I make jewellery and asked if there was an engagement on the cards, jokingly reminding him of my day job and he did say if he was to get engaged, I'd be the first to know.

        I'm thinking it'd be nice to meet his girlfriend and figure out if campervan invites are normal. He's planning on catching up with two guys next year for a campervan trip so I'm trying to work out is this is just a thing he does anyway. I don't want to feel like I'm leading him astray. I'm up for normal platonic friendship and adventure but I'm not sure how to clearly express that to his girlfriend! Uch such a weird dilemma.
        Thanks Pollon for your straight talking insight.. I'm sure I'll figure something out..


        • #5
          Firstly, my apologies for my rotten spelling/grammar - autocorrect has a mind if it's own and the writing is so small on my screen I'm not seeing it!!

          SarahLancaster, thanks for your reply too but I just want it to be clear this guy wasn't indignant when I assumed he was single. His messages afterward seemed like he was realising how silly it was for him not to mention his girlfriend but at the same time he wasn't elaborating too much about her though he was giving me straight answers when I asked more in depth questions about her.


          • #6
            Flap, that's all well and good, but my original sentiments remain. If one is in a committed relationship with someone, he doesn't carry on a correspondence with another female, tell her he 'really really' likes her and invite her on a campout. That's a really lousy thing to do to his girlfriend. If you want to carry on a 'friendship' with this man, I would advise you to include the girlfriend. If he comes up with excuses as to why she can't come or get to know you, please block him from your life.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


            • #7
              Keeping a female friend from your SO is disrespectful, regardless of your intentions.