Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My husband's aunt keeps touching me at work.

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • My husband's aunt keeps touching me at work.


    I need advice.Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.I have a very strange situation to handle.I don't know how to get out of this situation?I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost.I don't know what to do?Four months ago we moved to my husband's hometown.His whole family is here.I am a 39year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress sl*tty at all.

    My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and i am tall, and I appreciate that.If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway.

    I am always on high heels and full make up on.I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person.I usually stay away from anything too revealing.I am describing myself because i want you to know the complexity of the situation.On november 1st i started working at my mother's in law company.My husband's aunt his mother's younger sister works there.She is skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine 53year old woman.She started touching me on my first day there.

    She said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing.She said that she just canít resist touching and stroking satin fabric.She started rubbing my back,touching my hair,wrap her hands around my waist, tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason) while I am busy at various tasks.On my first day she came up behind me while I was at my desk and started rubbing my shoulders.I decided to try tolerating it, since this woman is my husband's aunt.

    She always touches me, hugs me, holds my hand, places her arm around my waist.She puts her arms around me when we're standing side-by-side and talking and she randomly comes by at my office and gives me shoulder and back massages.She is always constantly patting my lower back and touching my hair.She is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always place her hand on my ass when i stand beside her.

    Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is "accidentally"coping a feel of my butt. She is always placing her hands on my breasts while facing me talking about work .Any time I'm even within arm's reach of her, I feel her caressing me.When I show her something on the computer screen , she has to lean (with some force) on me.One time at her office we were working on something. I started to rise from the chair while she was still sitting, and she then reached over and squeezed my butt about four or five times quickly.

    I pulled away, but it took me by such surprise I didn't know what to do, and I actually laughed, even though that was the last thing I felt like doing.Also she is constantly 'accidentally' brushing her face against my breasts while walking by me or when we are engaged in a task.She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget.She always links arms with me and walks leaning into me.

    But all the touching has been getting creepy.She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable.Now I don't want her to feel badly - but I want this touching,rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?How do I tell her off without causing tension at work and in the family?How can I discourage this woman my husband's aunt from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?

    I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't know her very well and don't want to push any sensitive buttons.She is never touching me in front of my mother in law.My mother in law is very protective of her.My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have a 7year old daughter! When I started dating my husband my future mother-in-law immediately tried to break us up and has talked about me horribly to my husband since then.

    Trust me, I have tried to apologize many times for misunderstandings (mostly in the beginning of our relationship over 10 years ago) and slowly backed away as she continued to be quite mean/abusive and wouldnít change no matter what we tried to do.My husband doesn't have the balls to say ANYTHING to her.She is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am overdressed.I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style.

    I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when Iím dressed pretty. Once, iíd been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous Ė i said i was going shopping and she was like ďreally? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!Ē I donít mind though, iíd rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I work i do everything i can to get my mother in law to like me but she says no my husband don't understand why is mom feels like this.

    I've got to be careful and handle this gracefully.My mother in law is very attached to her younger sister.I really don't know what to do?There is nothing more i can do. Either i take it the way it is, or i just tell my husband's aunt to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will no matter what i say.How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy and feely with me.She does have "power" over me. She can muck things up for me with her sister my mother in law.
    • I can't just quit this job.This is a smallish town.There arenít many job opportunities.I fear I wonít be able to find work.I really need this salary. We were forced to move from the suburbs to my husband's hometown , due to financial constraints.My husband business venture collapsed.We lost our home.Settling into our new home was hard.My husband is depressed.His depression is hurting our day-to-day life, and I admit to feeling very frustrated sometimes.I love my husband dearly, but Iím having a really hard time feeling 100% respectful of him right now, and I hate that feeling.How can I help him and support him when Iím feeling so scared and frustrated myself?His mother is a very successful local business woman.She has built her company from scratch.My mother in law spends very little time at the office.Her sister my husband's aunt is running the office for her.Other women there my coworkers(all female workplace) think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob.I feel like these women my mother in law's employees don't really like me.Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny mature woman my husband's aunt. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her and I always sacrifice my dignity for it. I tell myself that "next time" I will say NO to her. Always "next time" but next time never comes.This woman my husband's aunt is a squeeze hugger that lasts too long in a vice grip.She is important to me as a coworker and family member,so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward touching and hugging and just think of something else while it's happening.She is being unnecessarily touchy-feely.She tends to stand really close Ė itís like she doesnít seem to respect my personal space. It is getting very uncomfortable.The other day she needed to ask me a question. My client and I were so engrossed on our project that neither of us noticed her walk in. She put her both hands around my waist to get my attention. Then she kept her hands there until I finished my answer to her. I felt awkward about it, but didn't want to say or do anything in front of the client. A half-hour later I felt it was too weird to bring it up, so I just let it go. She would touch me a lot on my hands, shoulders and back when discussing work-related topics.She finds any excuse to touch me.Yesterday she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my breasts before moving to my shoulders.She leans over me when I show her something on the computer screen.She is not very aware of personal space, she tends to stand very close and walk so close that she can trip me, she also always puts her face very close to my breasts.I have no desire to do anything sexual with a women.I am 100% straight.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.

  • #2
    If she came close to me I'd be very tempted to twist her nipples hard enough to cause pain. Then I'd ask her if she was wearing a bra - for shame, the old cumdump. You've explained all of this in extraordinary detail which leads me to think you've been festering in this issue for a very long time and that you also have a tendency to overanalyze, much to your detriment. My advice: stop being such a little sheep and make her feel uncomfortable. Find that wonderful, fun and threatening line that makes her fear closing her eyes at night because she is anxious about seeing you the next day. Dominate her. People like that don't know any better.

    Unfortunately I really do question whether you have it in you to do the above which is fine - not everyone does. Your next best bet is to find a new job where you can roam the hills freely without fear of harassment and too much fleecing.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
      If she came close to me I'd be very tempted to twist her nipples hard enough to cause pain. Then I'd ask her if she was wearing a bra - for shame, the old cumdump. You've explained all of this in extraordinary detail which leads me to think you've been festering in this issue for a very long time and that you also have a tendency to overanalyze, much to your detriment. My advice: stop being such a little sheep and make her feel uncomfortable. Find that wonderful, fun and threatening line that makes her fear closing her eyes at night because she is anxious about seeing you the next day. Dominate her. People like that don't know any better.

      Unfortunately I really do question whether you have it in you to do the above which is fine - not everyone does. Your next best bet is to find a new job where you can roam the hills freely without fear of harassment and too much fleecing.
      I dont know what to do?I really don't want to upset this touchy feely woman my husband's aunt.Since my husband's company collapsed he is dependent on my mother in law for smallest of things...from paying bills to purchasing household things etc. He cannot take financial decisions on his own. His mother keeps a check on each and every thing. To the extent that she keeps him (my husband) financially dependent on her.She makes him feel guilty whenever he buys me something nice or helps me out with something. Often, she makes fun of us.She actually told me once that I am accepted only because I am her son's wife and so she know's she has to put up with me. She also told me one time recently that she would love nothing more than to have a close relationship with her son and his daughter(my daughter).UMMM... hello she is my child too and I feel like if you want to have a close relationship with my child then you better try and have a relationship with me too.I am not going to change my dressing style because of this touchy feely woman my mother in law's sister.I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style.Well, I am considered by myself and others to be extremely elegant, and I take great pride in that.I like dressing well, and looking presentable.
      Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on.Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both postive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too.My mother in law always bad mouth about my parents (which I found out from my husband ). My parents didn't do anything to offend her. In fact, my mom even thinks my mil is very friendly and nice lady. My mom doesn't know about I cannot get along with my mil and her true personality.
      There arer a lot, a lot of bad things about my mil which cannot be finished in typing.My husband is unemployed since his company declared bankruptcy in April this year.We lost our home.The bank foreclosed on our house.All the while, he has done our finances and never really was open to my having access to them. I think it was a control issue at first and later he didn't want me to know. That is why we had to move here in his hometown. I feel like I have lost my husband.The point is he is unhappy, and as a result things are not good between us.He is always finding the negative in everything. I try to talk to him and ask him why he is so angry. He doesn't say anything. At times, he just looks at me and I just cry. Now we are totally in his mother's hands.We live in a house that is her property.I work at my mother in law firm.I am considered by these women my new coworkers to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One female work colleague has described me as a Ďsnobí on about half a dozen occasions for the past month. I still donít really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to on a drink with her after hoursÖ How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a Ďsnobí, I donít knowÖAlot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class.I am not going to change my dressing style.You are totally right.My mother in law don't like me so i wanted to make friends with her sister at work so i decided to try tolerating touching,rubbing and hugging by her.It was a big mistake.It is my fault.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?I really don't want to offend her because of my mother in law.My mother in law is very protective of her sister.The reality is that I'm ready to pack up and go to the city. Problem is my husband wants to stay here in his hometown.He did suggest I go and take our daughter and I can't believe he said that. How could he give her up like that? I would NEVER say that to him, so part of me says if that's how much she means to him, I may as well.My husband said to me that he is not motivated to seek job point blank the other day, after we discussed the solution to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a job.He never cleans. I'm going crazy. I work all day, come home and eat something quick, play with my daughter.Then I clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and I do laundry.I don't think it's fair that he doesn't do any house work when he is home all day long.I feel like I'm nagging him constantly about cleaning up after himself and our daughter during the day. I just don't think I should be doing everything.My husband just wants to sit at home and watch T.V. and go out with his old high school friends.My husband straight told me he doesnt have to get a job. That is pretty messed up, you know.When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my husband's home town), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.

      Comment


      • #4
        Are you ranting here because you're frustrated or are you really prepared to get out of this situation? Your husband is a deadbeat and he knows it. His mommy pays his bills. End of story.

        The only thing you have to decide is whether you want to continue living this way. If you want things to change no one is going to help you. YOU find the courage to say what you have to say and make your bed more comfortable to sleep in, so to speak.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
          Are you ranting here because you're frustrated or are you really prepared to get out of this situation? Your husband is a deadbeat and he knows it. His mommy pays his bills. End of story.

          The only thing you have to decide is whether you want to continue living this way. If you want things to change no one is going to help you. YOU find the courage to say what you have to say and make your bed more comfortable to sleep in, so to speak.
          To be honest I have a (relatively) well paying job.My mother in law is making me work extra hours but for a good pay.I'm thinking about moving to the city for better quality of life but haven't got a job lined up yet. Is it all practical to start looking at places to rent before I know I have a job to go to? My thoughts being that I will gathering together some money and then move giving me better chance at finding a job.I don't have savings I can draw from.My husband has no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything.I've noticed that lately he has taken a turn for the worse. He's not been himself for a while now and it's causing me to be miserable.I know he is struggling but I am too and I've reached my limit. I've had enough. I'm feeling crap myself, and like I'm doing everything for the family.I have suggested speaking to someone about it but he's not interested.I really want to yell at this woman my husband's aunt to get her goddamn hands off my body but I canít get angry. I just canít. Not in the momentĖI shut down like a security camera with a miswired motion detector, and itís only later that I realize what I should have done. By then, itís too late to confront her, and itís turned into a pattern and what am I supposed to do then?What am I supposed to do?For the past two months she is touching me,hugging me,rubbing me,feeling me up on a daily basis at work and she is getting away with it.This weird short skinny woman my mother's in law sister is always commenting that i am so tall,big and soft.It all my fault.I wanted to make friends with her.I can't just punch her in the face.I am physically stronger than her,she is short and skinny,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.

          Comment


          • #6
            You're going to have to get up some courage and tell the woman to stop touching you. First of all you should use body language to make her understand that you don't like the touching. If she puts her arm around your waist, wiggle out of it. If she touches your hair, fling your head in the opposite direction. Body language goes a long way to communicate your feelings. Use frowns to indicate that you don't like it. Or you could confront her verbally. Here's what I would say the next time she puts her hands on you. "Aunt Mildred, I really wish you would stop touching me. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

            I doubt seriously that your mother in law would fire you for rejecting such advances. You might even talk to your MIL about the situation first.

            As for your husband, if he's depressed, he needs professional help. Stop mollycoddling him and help him to get a job.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

            Comment


            • #7
              After reading your second post, I agree that your husband is a mama's boy who will never be a proper husband to you. Many people go bankrupt, but they don't sit and wallow in helplessness. Clearly, he doesn't have the stamina to start over and recover.

              By the way, in this day and time, what your aunt is doing is considered sexual assault. You might want to mention that to her.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                After reading your second post, I agree that your husband is a mama's boy who will never be a proper husband to you. Many people go bankrupt, but they don't sit and wallow in helplessness. Clearly, he doesn't have the stamina to start over and recover.

                By the way, in this day and time, what your aunt is doing is considered sexual assault. You might want to mention that to her.
                I love my husband and I want to help.I try my hardest.I am so lonely having no one to talk to, some days I even believe it's something I am doing wrong. Coming on here was a first huge step.Sometimes I feel really manipulated by my husband. I have to treat him like a child, waking him up in the morning, making sure he is doing the normal things a person has to do.I suggested he suffers from depression but he disagrees and won't do a thing to get help.I suffer from bad pms . Because he is always moody we argue a lot and when I retaliate he blames my pms and says I'm a 'bitch'. The truth is, I can be quite understanding when I'm at my best, but when I have pms symptoms I get short and can't deal with his moods and constant picking. I am so tired of trying to reason with him, everything is my fault, no matter how awful he's been he won't apologize until I 'drill' it out and he will hold grudges sometimes for days on end.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Stella, it's good that you came here. You need a lot of encouragement.

                  From reading you, I get the distinct impression that you feel like a terrible victim. You use victim language, like "I have to treat him like a child," "We had to move to his home town," "We were forced to move from the suburbs," "She does have power over me." This is all utter bullshit you've been telling yourself and you believe. And then you play the further victim by allowing this creepy aunt to put her hands all over you as you stand helpless and oppressed. What if this aunt slapped you across the face three times a day? Would you stand there and take it or would you say something? No normal person would allow someone to do that, job or no job.

                  And then you stay with this husband who is emotionally abusive to you and refuses to take charge...furthering your victim status. How long do you intend to play this game?
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                    Stella, it's good that you came here. You need a lot of encouragement.

                    From reading you, I get the distinct impression that you feel like a terrible victim. You use victim language, like "I have to treat him like a child," "We had to move to his home town," "We were forced to move from the suburbs," "She does have power over me." This is all utter bullshit you've been telling yourself and you believe. And then you play the further victim by allowing this creepy aunt to put her hands all over you as you stand helpless and oppressed. What if this aunt slapped you across the face three times a day? Would you stand there and take it or would you say something? No normal person would allow someone to do that, job or no job.

                    And then you stay with this husband who is emotionally abusive to you and refuses to take charge...furthering your victim status. How long do you intend to play this game?
                    I feel trapped here in my husband's hometown with his mother and aunt.My husband seems very content with staying in this ****hole.We are totally in his mother's hands.It's really hard to stay happy in my current situation. I wake up and I feel trapped.I have all these things that I need to fix and I have no idea where to start.I am lonely and i feel trapped.I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.I'm confused and my mind doesn't stop. I really worry that I'm going to lose myself completely!You are totally right.I am a weak spineless person. When this woman my husband's aunt is feeling me up,rubbing me, touching me ,hugging me pressing her face on my breasts I just want her to finish and leave.I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. I'm so ashamed that I can't even say no or push her away.I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous.I can't even tell her to stop hugging me groping me rubbing me.I canít verbalize a succinct ďNOĒ to this short skinny mature weird woman my husband's aunt. I just wish she would go and fall into a pothole or something.I also don't want my marriage to end.I do love my husband so much and acknowledge that sometimes love is enough.Sometimes I just sit there and cry.I try to be supportive, to be understanding of his circumstances, but it gets very hard.Meanwhile, he becomes angry with me on a daily basis. He has absolutely no patience for me.He leaves his dishes wherever he ate, he leaves crumbs wherever they drop.I have no support from him.I struggle so greatly to support him.He is not violent. He is not abusive. I am feeling worn down. I struggle to see any of the good and this is a mindset that I need to pull myself out of.i definitely dress up when i'm feeling down!the one factor i've found with dressing better is that you tend to get positive feedback from the people around you. they tend to interact with you as if you are happy and functioning well. this sends a very strong message to all of you, especially your subconscious parts, that you ARE happy and doing well. the same goes for making the effort to smile, act interested in others, and so on.Whenever I dress down, I honestly feel like crap. When I dress up, even if itís something simple, I feel great inside and out.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                      Stella, it's good that you came here. You need a lot of encouragement.

                      From reading you, I get the distinct impression that you feel like a terrible victim. You use victim language, like "I have to treat him like a child," "We had to move to his home town," "We were forced to move from the suburbs," "She does have power over me." This is all utter bullshit you've been telling yourself and you believe. And then you play the further victim by allowing this creepy aunt to put her hands all over you as you stand helpless and oppressed. What if this aunt slapped you across the face three times a day? Would you stand there and take it or would you say something? No normal person would allow someone to do that, job or no job.

                      And then you stay with this husband who is emotionally abusive to you and refuses to take charge...furthering your victim status. How long do you intend to play this game?
                      My husband is an emotional wreck and that is creating great distress in almost all aspects of our lives.Living with him can be very unpleasant at times, very stressful. I have become so used to it, that I think I accept his behaviours too much rather than saying 'hey that's not ok'. I believe it's caused significant issues with our 7year old daughter. She is now saying "I don't like Daddy" which I know breaks his heart, but he doesn't help the situation. He's often really not very nice to us.He seems to be a bit of a gaslighter as well, in that he sometimes tries to portray things differently to how they actually happened or tells me I did things that I didn't do. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions, but rather blames me for him behaving that way.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Well,let me ask you again. How long are you going to put up with this untenable situation?
                        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                          Well,let me ask you again. How long are you going to put up with this untenable situation?
                          My husband has always been strongly opposed to marriage counseling (I had suggested it in the past just to strengthen what we had) but he always adamantly denied any benefits of counseling. I always knew marriages required work and thought people who got divorced just had a throw-away mentality and didn't want to work on their relationships...I never wanted to be a single mom and I never wanted my daughter to grow up with divorced parents, and she is basically the one thing that's making me second guess myself.
                          I know they say children are better off with divorced parents than with miserable parents, but I am not miserable (at least not yet).

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Then until you ARE miserable enough to do something about it, you might has well sit back and enjoy the abuse and groping.

                            Merry Christmas..
                            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                              Then until you ARE miserable enough to do something about it, you might has well sit back and enjoy the abuse and groping.

                              Merry Christmas..
                              Merry Christmas to you, too.This woman my husband's aunt is not touchy feely with my husband.Also she is not touchy feely with other women colleagues at work.I wouldn't be as grossed out if she did it to everybody else but she's always doing it to me! I wouldn't say I'm that close to her and she's hard to avoid since her office is next to mine.She is motivated and highly competent at work.She is very enthusiastic, competent and helpful.She happens to be very good at her job.She doesn't look threatening. She is masculine, creepy and ugly but she is tiny, short and skinny mature woman.Also she is some kind of local feminist activist.How can I discourage this woman my husband's aunt from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X