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  • She never initiates contact/reply texts

    I once lashed out in anger at a friend when she said something that hurt me. I apologised and asked for forgiveness. Nonetheless, she has since distanced herself.

    Her distant behaviour caused much anxiety in me. I became needy, fearing that I might lose her. She is much older than me and I regard her as a godmother. I have no family.

    My neediness made the situation worse. Ever since I lashed out at her, she stopped replying my texts. She would only reply after much begging and pleading. She said that this is her style of communication, and that she treats everyone the same way. But, I feel this is not true. She always responded to me prior to the incident in which I lost my cool.

    I do not want to bug her anymore, but, she never initiates contact. How do I maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't reply my texts and never initiates contact?

    I am trying my best not to be needy, but, I feel that I have lost her. She is the only person whom I regard as family.

    Please help if you can.

  • #2
    Her responses don't validate you as a person and try not to rely on her so much. I understand she's your only family but even real family dies off eventually or fades off to their own self-made families. Family doesn't mean forever and you putting the burden on her to be something like a family member to her maybe isn't even what she wants at all and you could be a real pest. Stand up on your own or find other friends and reach to a new support system. If you're not open about this(about being open learning from and getting to know other people and letting others in), I think you need to ask yourself why.

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    • #3
      I did have a traumatic childhood and am on meds for depression. I am a loner and, though I have friends, find it hard to trust and open myself up towards them. Even with this particular friend, I am hesitant to confide to her the details of my past. She knows a little of what I've been through, and, has tried to be understanding. But, having had a relatively "normal" upbringing, it is hard for her to emphatise. I had unrealistic expectations and wish I could undo what was done.

      I really would like to work on mending this relationship, instead of walking away entirely. I am open to changing myself. She said she feels hurt by my words. She is a pretty sensitive person. Sometimes she misunderstands me. I feel that it is a communication issue and am trying to be gentler in speech now. I had a really rough upbringing, which means I can be crude in speech without realising it.

      it's hard for me to let go of her because she is actually an extremely kind and nurturing individual. She did say that she cares for me. It is so rare for me to experience kindness and I have always longed for a mother or elder sis. We have known each other for six months and I admit that I have grown attached.

      We work at the same place and have never thought of meeting up elsewhere. Last week, she expressed that she wishes to meet up with me to talk about our relationship. But, she is only willing to meet at the workplace. I reluctantly agreed (I wanted to meet outside the workplace, but, she refused). We will be meeting the week after, but, no definite date and time yet as we work shifts.

      She did say that she hopes that things between us will improve, but, is still expecting me not to text her. I don't know what to do. How do I tell her that I don't know how to maintain a relationship with someone who expects me not to contact her or refuses to initiate contact?

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      • #4
        For goodness sakes... you have a meeting, in person to talk about this next week. Surely you can go without texting her for 7 (or less) days. I suspect that you are text/email bombing her and it's becoming tiresome. Stop all means of electronic communication and if you really want to get to know her (if she will allow it) then ask her to do something with you in person. If she won't then she is no friend and you've lost nothing.


        What did she say to you that hurt you?
        We have known each other for six months and I admit that I have grown attached.
        You have put far too much value on someone you have only known for six months. Simmer down and back off or you are going to run her right out of your life for good.
        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; December 8th, 2017, 08:29 PM.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          I haven't texted her for two weeks.

          It would be nice to express your opinions in a more sensitive manner.

          We are both nurses. We work in a hospice and people can get pretty close here within a short time. It's an emotionally charged job.
          Last edited by KatLJ; December 8th, 2017, 08:38 PM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by KatLJ View Post
            I haven't texted her for two weeks.

            It would be nice to express your opinions in a more sensitive manner.

            We are both nurses. We work in a hospice and people can get pretty close here within a short time. It's an emotionally charged job.
            Hows this: Oh my... Please reel yourself in, you are coming across as desperate and I suspect you are text bombing her till she's put into a tizzy. Try your best to meditate so that you get over your urge to have a text relationship with her and let her rest after a hard day at the hospice?
            You only have a mere week to wait until you talk face to face and hopefully work it all out to a mutually satisfying amount of contact. It won't be long if you keep yourself busy and find ways to meet other friends so that this friend doesn't feel suffocated. Its a heavy load to be someone's everything.

            BTW, luv what did she say to you that set you off and that had her distance herself from you?
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment

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