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Family Wedding Drama

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  • Family Wedding Drama

    I am seeking advice/opinions about the situation I've found myself in. My cousin, who at one time was the closest thing to a best friend I had, is getting married this summer. She asked me if my kids can stand up as flower girl and ring bearer. I said yes without much hesitation under the assumption I would be standing up as well. Since she had asked everyone in our small group of cousins to stand up, plus people she's barely known more than minute, it was a logical assumption. Here's the thing, I'm the only person in our group that she doesn't want in the wedding. Now I feel incredibly awkward. Not only am I hurt because:
    a. I thought I meant more to her
    b. She was asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding AND went so far as to write a long heartfelt speech.

    I really don't want my kids involved in this. She certainly isn't close with my kids and I feel like the only reason she asked is because I have the only little boy in the family who can be a ring bearer. So not only am I excluded, I'm still forced to be directly involved because I have to bring the kids to rehearsals, etc. This is so much worse than if she would have left me out completely. I'm torn between pulling the kids out and telling her where to stick it or pushing on like nothing so she doesn't have the satisfaction of knowing she got to me. My mother thinks that if I take the kids out now, I look bad. I shouldn't go back on my word because if I do that, I'm just as bad as she is. I'm really confused about the whole thing. I have to see her over the holidays. I'm not sure how to act around everyone. Do I sit there with a smile on my face while everyone talks about the wedding? Do I leave the room? I feel like I'm going to be the pink elephant in the room that everyone ignores. This may all seem petty and I would normally agree but the spirit behind her doings is vicious. Her intent was to exclude me and that's painfully obvious. Any opinions or input would be greatly appreciated. Maybe someone else will have a clearer insight. Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Me2sl View Post
    Here's the thing, I'm the only person in our group that she doesn't want in the wedding. Now I feel incredibly awkward.
    As she doesnt want you to standup (bridesmaid) or as she doesnt want to invite you to the wedding???

    If it is the latter, well definitely take your kids out, because who would be supervising (taking care) of them at the wedding.

    But if it is the first one (which I think it is) I think you are being completely absurd. She doesn't have any obligation to have you as a bridesmaid (or to stand up, how you say it). You say that she WAS the closest to a sister that you had, meaning that you now aren't, which means that maybe you don't know how she has changed, or who she is anymore.

    Also, you say that "the spirit behind her doings is vicious", when you say you guys were bff and she was at your wedding yada yada yada, no she is vicious because you don't get to stand at her wedding???

    Did you have a conversation with her about this? Because it seems you are drawing conclusions over something insignificant...


    • #3
      Don't worry so much about what other people think of you. I think you are more offended at the fact that you included her in yours and she hasn't included you in hers. There is a big chance she doesn't like you or you both grew apart. Sometimes people just won't like you for whatever reason-you can't let that get you down. If she's using your little boy, I'm not sure about you, but whatever bit of maternal instinct I have would probably strike back pretty hard. I also think your reaction right now is instinctual and your ego is bruised but you'll start to think about your kids and whether this is worth the headache for their sake.

      I really can't be bothered with weddings. They're a major unnecessary financial burden on many couples and so many people don't even know why they invited 90% of the people at their weddings when they look back 20, 30 or 40 years. The people they had there either died, were never there for them anyway, or were acquaintances. The wedding industry to me is less interesting than a block of wood and I've always resented any panderings towards it.


      • #4
        Have you considered asking her what happened that you were not invited to participate?

        Something like,

        "...Honey, after how close I always considered us to be, I thought I might be asked to participate in your wedding. Did I do something to offend you or make you not want to include me?..."

        Then see how she responds.


        • #5
          I think you need to stop being a big baby. She didn't exclude you....she asked your children to be in her wedding. Maybe she likes other people better than you for bridesmaids and she decided to include you by asking your kids. It's HER day. Stop making this all about you and be happy for her marriage.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay