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How to continue living with a toxic roommate for the next few months?

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  • How to continue living with a toxic roommate for the next few months?

    I grew up with a self absorbed family member.. in turn I always just knew how to be self absorbed myself.. attracted friends who are the same and we team up and soak up each others gossip and non stop judgement of others.. As I matured more myself I started seeing the traits in myself and others.. I hated it.. I realized it made me uncomfortable and just made my life miserable. I am so happy to be aware of this now and I don't care about losing the people I thought were "friends"... I accept it and now don't even care about cutting them out of my life because I know this is the turning point to attract new people and energy into my life! However.. I have to continue living with my "best friend" for a few more months during school... I have honestly had a huge turning point and I don't think she understands it.. I do not care to explain it to her.. because I know I can't change anyone else. But it bothers me she continues to talk about me to others.. It gives me anxiety when I see her because I know her shallowness and she just continues to treat everyone who isn't like her like dirt. I feel like her speaking about me gives me a bad imagine. She thinks my life is worse than hers which I shouldn't care about but it gives me anxiety all the time. She is going to graduate this next semester and I am not because I had major self reflection and problems I faced during my years of college. I know she puts me down now and tells everyone I am a failure and not as good as her behind my back. She does it to literally everyone I've seen her meet. No one is worthy or is as good as her besides the current clique she is with. And even the people closest to her she still is two faced. I was her best friend for the majority of time during college though I have slowly eased away from her social life. I just don't understand why she has to put others down to "raise" herself up.. Do you have any advice to brush off this anxiety and let it go?
    Last edited by L12640; December 3rd, 2017, 05:48 AM. Reason: typo

  • #2
    It's good that you know intellectually what is going on with your roommate. She is raising herself up by gossiping about other people. It's HER self esteem that is sorely lacking, and this is how she compensates for it. If you keep that in mind, it might help. It's not at all about's about her trying to make herself socially acceptable to others.

    Stop internalizing your feelings about it. If you feel that people are talking about you, turn it into a positive and realize that you are no long so self-absorbed that you need to be validated by what others think. Think about how many light years ahead of them you are in your thinking and life philosophy and know that their lives will be miserable until they get over themselves.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Congrats on your turning point. Usually, the nonsense your roommate engages in ends upon entering college, but she's still stuck in high-school mode. Given that, you could do a couple things to throw her off balance when she starts gossiping with you.

      1) Hint that you overheard something about her. Say something like,

      "...I hate that people are talking about me behind my back and it sucks when I hear people talking about you...."

      And if she asks what you heard, you say

      "...I don't remember what it was or who said it. I just remember is sucked, so I've decided I'm not doing it anymore..."

      If she persists, you just don't remember.


      • #4
        This is college??? In uni, I found lots of great people whereas it was a different story in highschool. I think you're in a transition phase and you need to meet new friends, think less about those people and start prioritizing your time better hanging out with better people. The best way to do that in uni/college is by going out to events. There's always tons of things to do on campus and student-led organizations. Maybe you can try out your campus mentorship program. Who knows. You may be a pretty good mentor to others. The training on campus is often focused on teambuilding, respect for others and fun. You also would have a chance to grow yourself. Check it out.