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Im In love with my bestfriend, I dont know what to do, please read and help.

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  • Im In love with my bestfriend, I dont know what to do, please read and help.

    Hey there

    So I am a Junior in college and last year I met a girl and we instantly hit it off. I was a soph. and she was an incoming freshman. We both had other relationships at the time and there was brief moments where she thought something might happen, and brief ones where I thought it might. These moments never aligned however. We did everything together, drank, smoked, homework, you name it we were always together to the point that everyone at my small university thought we were dating. We would always show eachother on eachother snapchats without caring what anyone would think of us.
    Some drama went on and she had to leave my school to go back home to school. The following summer I went to visit her once and she came back and visited me, which was a 10 hour drive away. Since the new school year started she has come up to visit me and I have gone down to visit her. We have slept together multiple times in the same bed but nothing has ever happened. We have never kissed or anything at all! We are very comfortable around eachother, to the point where we change in front of eacchother and we even showered next to eachother in different stalls in my dorm.
    This past weekend, I drove the 10 hours to go visit her, nothing out of the normal. As the distance grew harder I realized how much she means to me, I always thought I had feelings but I usually would block them out for the sake of our friendship.
    We were watching a movie in her bed and while she wasn't giving me body language to make a move, I grabbed her side and turned her toward me. I looked at her and said "Be honest with me, have you ever seen this going further then just a friendship?" She replied by asking if I have and I said yes, to this she replied that she had as well. For the first time ever I leaned in and kissed her. We kissed back and forth for a minute but nothing escalated. Which I was more than okay with seeing as that we were both pretty high and it was 5 am.
    The next few days of the trip were good and I tried bringing it up again but she didnít seem like she wanted to kiss me anymore. The last night of the trip it was brought up when we were in bed together and she mentioned that the kiss was great, but she felt weird about it. To this I can relate because there are times when I have looked at her and been like ďDamn thatís my wifeĒ but other times where I legitimately only view her as my bestfriend and touching her in more than a friend way weirds me out. We always would confide in eachother for advice except when it would involve members of the opposite sex. For example if I told her I hooked up with a girl, no matter how hot that girl may be she would say shes gross and she would always try and hide from me if she ever hooked up with another guy.
    I just donít know where to go from here, whether it be as a friend or more, this girl means everything to me. She lives 10 hours away and is about to drop out of school. If its any consolation I have been looking into graduate schools nearby her. Her family also loves me and has made it very known to her that they do. I donít know what to do now, do I keep treating her like I always used to, being there for her and stuff or should I force my hand and try and communicate my feelings more. Any advice will help and I am more than willing to answer follow up questions that were unclear. I really need help here.

  • #2
    It seems like you are very fond and affectionate with each other but there's a lot of history of friendship coupled with the fact that you're both extremely young with very little experience on how to forward the relationship. You may have an idea of how to treat each other but it's unchartered territory. It's a bit of a concern why she's dropping out of school. You might not want to blind yourself to that. Is she having family or home troubles or is she not doing well in school because she doesn't like going to class or can't focus due to other issues?

    If you are going ahead to college you're going to meet a lot of other people more on your wave length and this puppy love could evaporate very quickly especially when you're putting someone who knows what they want beside someone else who may not know what they want or where they want to go in life (even if for the time being).

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    • #3
      Having said all the above, if she's lukewarm about how she feels about you, you can't force someone to feel someone or accelerate someone else's feelings. No matter how far or how long you drive or how much you do to try to win the affections of another person, emotions come from within. The last thing you want to do is make her feel pressured. In the best case scenario, that you are so good to her she just can't say no but deep down she doesn't have real passionate feelings for you.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
        Having said all the above, if she's lukewarm about how she feels about you, you can't force someone to feel someone or accelerate someone else's feelings. No matter how far or how long you drive or how much you do to try to win the affections of another person, emotions come from within. The last thing you want to do is make her feel pressured. In the best case scenario, that you are so good to her she just can't say no but deep down she doesn't have real passionate feelings for you.
        I see what you are saying, shes dropping out because she can't quite get math down and she wants to try something else but shes unsure on her future. The thing that gets me is that its not only making the effort like she has driven all the way to see me just as much as I have to go see her i Just seem to show my feelings more unless she doesnt have any? If she doesnt I dont understand why she would make those trips and tell me that she has thought about a future with me.

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        • #5
          Hi Gree, there's a famous or rather infamous book out there called the 5 Love Languages. You don't have to read it but you can google it to get the reader's digest or wiki version which is pretty basic. The idea is that different people have different ways of showing they love you. For example one person's way of showing love is physical, another's may be through acts of kindness (not having anything to do with sexual or physical acts). I personally tend to show my love in relationships by doing things - planning ahead, organization, cleaning, cooking, booking vacations, etc. I don't know if this will help but I do you think that there is a small possibility you may be speaking in different languages or showing your affection for each other in different ways but not quite acknowledging the depth of love in each other?
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; November 29th, 2017, 02:49 AM.

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          • #6
            Just follow your heart and you'll find the answer.
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